Religion In The Comics - 027

[Cartoonist]

Here's another story from the same issue as last week's installment. Great splash panel, but there's a problem with the sentiment as the story unfolds. There is also a major problem with the ending that shows no one bothered to proofread it after they made it up. I'll hold my explanation as to what the discrepancy is in order to let you discover it yourself.

[edhopper]

1. I guess it's all good

cause they died for Jeebus.

[onager]

3. "Honored now as virgin, martyr and saint."

Probably in that order, since we're talking about Sexual Repression Inc. here.

"I believe in her god...only HE could have done this!"

Now why would a good pagan jump to that idiotic conclusion? IIRC, many of the Roman gods were tricksters with a sense of humor. Unlike that tiresome mope Jehovah. It could have been Flora, the goddess of flowers; Pomona, the goddess of gardens. Or even Jupiter himself just dicking around.

[Lordquinton]

4. who were the guys at the beginning?

And his lawyer was pretty cafp, i would have had him killed too.

[Cartoonist]

5. So here's my problem with this tale

Aside from saying that the lions need more Christians in their diet, then beheading two potential meals, the whole roses angle needs work. On page 2 panel 3, Theophilus is looking right at Dorothea. Am I supposed to believe that he doesn't notice the roses in her hair? And hey Mr. Omnipotent God, that's some trick of yours to get roses to bloom out of season. How about rescuing a couple of your believers from the executioner, or is that beyond your ability?

[onager]

6. Botanical failures run in the family

Remember what Jesus did to that poor harmless fig tree. He was hungry and the tree wouldn't bear fruit OUT OF SEASON. So Jesus whacked it - withered the fig tree so it would never bear fruit again. What a dick.

I'm really surprised that one didn't get edited out of the Holy Babble completely. I don't care what the Sophisticated Theologians say. That story makes Jesus look not only childish, but pretty stupid too.

Long as I'm here - another (of many) stupid/puzzling Jesus yarns is the one about him attacking the moneychangers in the temple. Yes, the story all Lib'rul Xians love to cite in defense of civil disobedience.

But the moneychangers were a critical part of worship at the Jerusalem Temple. Visitors weren't allowed to pay their tithes with Roman money inside the Temple - those coins carried the image of the Emperor, so they were considered pagan idolatry. Roman money had to be exchanged for Temple-approved currency. And the people selling doves and other sacrificial animals were dealing in ritually purified critters - again, the only ones allowed to be sacrificed in the Temple.

It all reminds me of the Beggar Scene in "Life of Brian" - "I was a leper. I had a career. Then that bloody do-gooder Jesus healed me."

[progressoid]

7. Of course the xian martyrs are blondes!

[trotsky]

8. Are you sure that isn't a Chick Tract?

[AlbertCat]

9. That 1st panel is comedy gold!

And Theophilus looks like the old Brawny Paper Towel guy!



A tongue twister the Drama students had to master in college:

Theophilus the unsuccessful thistle sifter
While sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles
Thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb.

Be sure that thou,
While sifting thy sieve full of unsifted thistles
Thrustest not three-thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.