sTalking TV Host Mike Hucksterbee speaks Jesus.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

He may not speak mexican, or even cuban, but he does speak Jesus.

JC, if ever he did exist, AND if he had some (il)legitimate genetic connection with that all-seeing fairy god in the sky, AND he came back from the dead, undead, or whatever they call their make-believe place up there, and visited our 7,000 year old, flat earth, he would take one look at Hucksterbee and either cough up a heavenly lung laughing at his idiocy, or look with dismay, regret, and incredible sadness at what a failure and travesty was committed in his name, and decide to travel to other galaxies, never to visit this flat earth ever again.

[mountain grammy]

1. Scary thing is a lot of people speak Jesus

Probably about 30% of Americans... WTF? Only good argument ever for English only.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

2. what is scarier is the small percentage that hear voices in their heads and

assign that name to the voice.

[Binkie The Clown]

3. I had the misfortune once to be among a group of devout Christians...

where one of them said something to the effect of "Well, I was praying last night and Jesus told me..."
Instead of carting this guy off the funny farm, the others nodded their heads in agreement, like they, too, often heard Jesus speaking to them. I was flabbergasted. I wanted to shout out "What the hell is wrong with you people? Don't you see that you are all clinically insane?"

Instead, I just backed away slowly, trying to be sure not to make any sudden or threatening moves before I was safely out of range.

[LiberalAndProud]

4. It's not hubris to believe that every random thought is divine revelation.

Really. It's not.

[Binkie The Clown]

5. What baffles me is

how god tells one preacher one thing, and another preacher something completely opposite.

God is playing mind games with them and laughing his divine ass off!

[LiberalAndProud]

6. You would think that a deity worth his salt would make an effort to clear some things up.

Unless it is nothing more than a big cosmic joke, in which case it makes perfect sense.

[Binkie The Clown]

8. Hail Discordia, Goddess of Chaos. n/t

[ChairmanAgnostic]

7. She, if she exists, has one wicked sense of humor.

Don't even think of mentioning her femur or tibia.

[FiveGoodMen]

9. Yeah, that little problem doesn't get near enough attention

[Cartoonist]

10. How to get Jesus to talk to you

One guy I worked with tried to sell me on this practice. He said to read the Bible for ten minutes each day. Before and after reading, say this: Dear Jesus, please deliver a message to me. He guaranteed that Jesus would appear before me.

It would probably work. It's called self hypnosis.

How To Use Self-Hypnosis To Achieve Your Goals

Please Note these articles are meant for information purposes only and are not a substitute for Medical or Psychological treatment.

What is Self-Hypnosis?

Have you ever seen old horror films and television programmes that portray hypnosis as a frightening instrument of mind control where unscrupulous villains enslave the will of helpless victims? Perhaps you have seen stage shows where a hypnotist seemsto be able to use their “hypnotic powers” to make people do and say things that they would never do or say under normal conditions. If so, it is not surprising that hypnosis may seem just a little bit wacky, not unlike other seemingly mystical and unexplainable phenomena. This is unfortunate because hypnosis is, in fact, a serious therapeutic tool that can help people overcome many psychological, emotional and even some physical problems.

[RussBLib]

11. Hucksterbee will announce his run for President today!!

Oh praise Jeebus, another babbling fool joins the fray!