One-liner responses to "Pray for..."

[Binkie The Clown]

If god wanted to help, he would help. Since he didn't, he doesn't. Nagging won't help.
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You can't convince your husband to put the toilet seat down. You think you can convince the almighty to do something he clearly has no intention of doing?
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You think god didn't notice what happened?
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So are you telling god how to do his job? Are you god's boss?


What are your best responses to "Pray for..."?

[LostOne4Ever]

1. This is a little crude, but...

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]Pray in one hand, shit in the other....see which fills up first.[/font]

[Curmudgeoness]

17. My father's favorite line.

Yes, he was crude. But the visual was enough to get the point across.

[Mr.Bill]

2. If there was a god,

and I had a friendship with him, I wouldn't impose on the friendship by asking for favors.

(that is a paraphrasing of George Carlin)

[bvf]

3. Those are all good

and pretty comprehensive.

[Cartoonist]

4. I just choose to remain silent.

Something that always bugs the shit out of me is when people bless me after I sneeze.

I usually utter an almost silent thank you and then do a slow burn inside for having to acknowledge such an ignorant superstition.

[Lordquinton]

13. I prefer the german

Gesundheit, passed down through the family from my great grandfather, the Protestant minister.

[sammythecat]

28. Growing up, I was taught to say that

by my mother who was a stickler for politeness and good manners. It was just a common courtesy. You probably know it comes from the days when everyone was a believer and a sneeze could often be a genuine cause for worry. Even today there are some situations, like a job interview, where a sneeze attack could be embarrassing and the automatic pat response of "god bless you" can ease some of the awkwardness that silence might bring. I don't have any kind of verbal salve, however, if said person vomits. I just gag, run, and make it worse.

I'm as atheistic as it gets, so it's certainly no kind of religious incantation for me, and I don't expect divine backup help when I say "god damn it, him , her, or them.

[onager]

5. Somewhat on-topic...

[beam me up scottie]

7. I love that!

I would add that it's a little embarrassing when they make a spectacle out of themselves doing it in public.

When I was a kid my friends always crossed themselves and mumbled their prayers to themselves when they felt the need. Even at one of our best friend's funeral. It was No Big Thang.

Not sure what changed.

[nil desperandum]

15. Crossing themselves

Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch...makes me think of Austin Powers.

[beam me up scottie]

20. LMAO!

I forgot about that!

[Mariana]

18. Christ very clearly instructed his followers not to do that.

They're not supposed to praying publicly to show everyone how righteous they are. That's what the book says. I also get the impression that he wouldn't approve when they go about telling everyone about their prayers, either, since that's pretty much the same thing.

[beam me up scottie]

19. Well you must be interpreting it wrong.

How else are True™ christians supposed to show everyone else how morally superior they are?

By their works?

Pfft.

Off with you!

[Hoppy]

6. Third one.

Since he knows everything, he knows what you want to have happen. Therefore, you don't need to waste your time praying.

B.T.W., since nothing happens without His doing, we can all agree that He caused the earthquake in Nepal. In fact, he caused every earthquake and the volcano eruption in Chile.

So why are people praying for him to undo the results of his work?

[Warren Stupidity]

29. Old Yahweh's powers are vastly diminished.

It seems the whole sacrificing his son-part took a lot out of him (so much so that there is a branch of christianity that claims yahweh died for real at that point.) Where once he could create a universe and summon up a plague of boils, now all he can do is make a face on a piece of toast or cause a recovery from a disease that people recover from. Once master of the universe, now just a ripple in the event stream.

[Major Nikon]

8. Pray for atheism

[Binkie The Clown]

9. I like to say "Thank god I'm an atheist."

That usually gives them pause.

[Major Nikon]

10. I like to say, "Thank dog I'm an atheist"

[SusanCalvin]

24. I used to tell people I was a devout agnostic,

when asked, when I was a kid.

The usual response was silence and an "oh, that's nice (I wonder what it is but I'm not going to ask)" look.

[beam me up scottie]

11. Not one liners but I'm reminded of a couple...

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day;
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.

You'll never find a dead Christian in a foxhole who didn't pray.


And from Ambrose Bierce:

"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."

[Warpy]

12. Slacktivism never appealed to me.

They usually have to reboot over that one and I can make a clean getaway.

[Ron Obvious]

14. "And what do you think that will accomplish, exactly?"

That's my standard response and it never gets an answer. Not in the Nepal thread either.

[Arugula Latte]

16. In some cases I've asked people, "So why did god cause X in the first place?"

They usually have their jaw hanging open for a few seconds.

[DetlefK]

25. "Whoa, God clearly wanted this to happen! Are you second-guessing God?"

[Gore1FL]

21. This goes beyond one-liners, but...

[yortsed snacilbuper]

22. Do you know the difference between people that pray in a church and people that pray in a casino,

the people that pray in a casino really mean it!

[ScottLand]

23. Thanks for that. I had to save that one!

[Yorktown]

26. "So are you telling god how to do his job?" is a bit 'in your face'..

but very neat nonetheless

[Iggo]

27. "Go for it. I'll do something real instead."