Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? (a funny science story)

[PJMcK]

This is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle"s Law ( gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following.
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First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls inter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year that "It will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true and thus I'm certain that Hell is exothermic.
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The student got the only A.

[Bo Zarts]

1. In 1966, I had a physics professor spend a lecture proving that heaven is hotter than hell using scripture.

Lots of thermodynamics involved, and lots of young fundies walked out of the lecture hall.

[PJMcK]

5. I've heard that one, too!

I have a copy of it somewhere. If I find it, *'ll post it.

[sdfernando]

2. Saw this years ago...quite funny and creative.

Glad the student got an A grade. Much deserved.

[PJMcK]

4. Yeah, the story's been around

While cleaning out some files today, I came across a print out of the email I got in 1998 with the story.

There's another scientific analysis that explains that because Heaven is so incredibly bright according to Biblical descriptions, is is actually hotter than Hell! If I find it, I'll post it.

[sdfernando]

6. Please do

I'd love to see that!

[erronis]

3. That's a great story and maybe the origin of the Big Bang!

If we keep adding souls and other shit to this hell-hole eventually it will be so compressed with all of humanity that it will just explode - making yet another cycle of ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

[NNadir]

7. This one has been around for at least 30 years, but is still funny, and in fact, a good mnemonic. n/t.

[SCantiGOP]

8. Saw this years ago

but thanks for the post. One of the funniest things I've run across on the web.