I am a lapsed Catholic, but there is a time and place for all things under heaven has always been a truism I have tried to hold firm.
A time to rejoice, which can never be as sweet without a time to greive.
A time to reflect, so that the days that pass unmarked are not gone in vain but brought back to us to light the dark.
A time to remember, and to bring back from our memories those who have gone before us and once more hold them dear.
My family lost my mother to COVID in November of 2020, and the loss left a gaping hole in the center of the entire family. We all continue to struggle to process it still to this day, some days are better than others, sometimes the grief is all too present and real - almost suffocating and the desire to have just one more embrace or one more conversation is overwhelmin; other days, happy memories chase away the demons and temporarily fill the void for us, allowing for those forgetten moments buried deep inside of us to live once more and lighten the present.
My dad in particular lives on the edge of depression with this loss constantly, as he is now living out his golden years without his partner and companion and co-parent/co-grand-parent of 54 years. He had to leave the family home of 50+ years after suffering a stroke last May, but the benefit has been he and I getting to spend countless hours together since then that we have not been able to share for 29 years after I left the home and moved away decades ago. The blessings are not always so easy to hold onto, but sometimes they are there for us to discover too.
My family tries to lean on each other for support and it can help, so I pray that you have a similar or better circle of family and friends to hold you up in those times when darkness envelopes us and the cold of the winter air seems to be permanent instead of transitory. I also have taken comfort in writing to mom, letters I know that are between myself and my memory as they will never be read, but they help me at times when I feel very low or miss her terribly.
Its trite at times, and all too true at others, but the darkest hours preview the coming dawn of a better day ahead. May peace and comfort and good memories take you up and embrace you in your hours of need.
EDIT - just as I posted this message, I was startled by the wind chimes we brought home from my parents home and hung at my home...the chimes were a gift to my mother from her friends at home, to cheer her in her fight and buoy her spirit. I couldn't help but feel that it was a coincidence I needed to help myself with my grieving still...but maybe you too will find personal attachments that can help lift you up just a little bit. I truly hope so.
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