Someone tell a joke or something

[sandyshoes17]

A line from Moonstruck. ASAH is quiet these days. I'm not a big poster, more of a reader, but I miss you guys. you are my daily inspiration. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon.
PS: just found out I will be unemployed next week. Welcome to the new world. I can keep my job but will have to travel even further, I already drive an hour and 15 min as it is, that's without traffic. I am thinking of it as an adventure, and want to head out in the world. I may regret this in a month, but now I am so fried I am welcoming it. I want the challenge. May be my last words.

[DeSwiss]

1. Here ya go.....

- Hang in there. We're all about to join you I think......

CANNIBAL RESTAURANT

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu…

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Democrat: $20.00
Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why such a price difference for the Republican?’

The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of crap, it takes all morning.

[sandyshoes17]

3. Ha ha

Very good!! Thanks DeSwiss.

[DeSwiss]

8. Glad you liked it.

- Here's one more. I hope you enjoy as much as granny and gramps did:

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe
away a tear, and continued.

"He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

[Howler]

4. HAHAHAHA!!!!!! :rofl:

[kimmerspixelated]

12. GUFAW! SNORT! HEHEHE!

LOVED that one!

[Howler]

2. O.K.

Picture this sandyshoes,

Santa clause standing holding an empty glass of milk reading a note from a child.
Caption reads "Dear santa,If you want the antidote to the poison I put in your milk you will give me everything I put on my list!!!!!" signed Timmy.



You won't regret your new start Sandyshoes17. I salute you!

[sandyshoes17]

5. Thanks, another good one

I am actually looking forward to my new start, kind of initiating it. I need it. Been doing this for 25 yrs. I'm tired, time for something new, not sure what, but not afraid.

[Saokymo]

6. An old man goes to the doctor for his annual check up.

The doc says, "You're in perfect health. Blood pressure, cholesterol, everything checks out great."
"What about my sperm count?" asks the old man. The doctor pauses for a moment.
"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would be interested in that test. But since you asked, here's a sample jar. Use it and bring it back tomorrow so we can run the tests for you."

The next day the old man comes back to the doctor's office looking completely exhausted.
"What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Doc, we tried everything," the old man started. "I tried with my hands. When that didn't work, I tried with my teeth! My wife tried with her hands. She tried with her teeth in, she tried with her teeth out!"

"But no matter what we did, we couldn't get the lid off the sample jar!"

[sandyshoes17]

7. Ha ha!!

Too funny!!

[southerncrone]

9. The Republican line up of candidates.

The biggest joke ever.

[BlueIris]

10. No kidding.

Especially Gingrich. Jesus H. Christ is that man stupid. The public school students working as janitors is what did me in. He is awful.

[Why Syzygy]

11. He is despicable

He was only able to get a little bit of street cred back after his manic money, fraud and sex escapades by going on James Dobson in sackcloth and ashes: I REPENT! Praise cheeses. ugh When he goes I will feel the same way I did when Jerry Falwell finally left the planet. (And his bloated appearance is not that of a healthy person.) Another agent of evil will be gone.

[BlueIris]

13. Lack of health is the first impression I get about him.

Every time I look at an image, his obvious health problems come through. That and the massive pile of dark energy behind those weasel eyes. He is connected right up to the top of the neocon pile, which is why they've trotted him back out.