I am baffled.
A friend of mine from decades ago would call me every couple of years or so to see how I was doing.
Then they contacted me since I had moved out of the city, and I talked to them on the phone around Labor Day. I had literally not seen this person in twenty-five years. And then it got more intense emotionally and I can't figure out why it's happening, or why it's happening now. I am wondering what the hell is going on here.
A whirlwind deep on the inside. Something I never expected.
I wonder if it's something karmic to reignite my friendship with this person.
I've felt very isolated living in a small town with my husband and not having any friends around here.
I have to go to the city and go to concerts to restore my sanity and my faith in higher human achievements, mainly making music. This year we've hit most of the genres--geezer rock by guys in their sixties, avant-garde Wagner opera, jazz, chamber music and the symphony. I always feel more alive in the city.
My husband reads Einstein and Hawking and feels like he is talking to old friends. I need to be around creative people that I can talk to about music that I am interested in. I also have to play the piano to express myself. He understands my need to hang out in the city and go to concerts.
This old friend has nothing to do with the music world. I knew this person from working at the courthouse decades ago.
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)Are there any general astrological aspects going on now, or is this part of my personal chart or both? Would be happy to PM somebody.
murielm99
(31,463 posts)It makes me feel badly for you that you are so isolated. It is good you have found some outlet. Is there a like-minded group in the city that you could join for activities and social events?
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)I live in a little town of 1400 people. I used to go to the book club in the county seat of 7000 people, but I heard so much Jesus talk and the fact that they were reading bad modern fiction, and all seemed to be politically conservative that I stopped going. And they would serve food I couldn't eat at the potlucks and I had to cook my own food and bring it, which was a lot of people. I thought that because these people were relatively educated I could have something in common with them. Doesn't seem to be.
The nearest college town is an hour away.
Cleita
(75,480 posts)Take advantage of the fact you don't have the distractions of city life now. Put up bird feeders and garden if you can. Go out hiking or even bike riding if you can and take a camera with you to record the lovely things you come across.
Cleita, a city girl transplanted to the country.
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)Going walking is a good idea and taking pictures. Thanks. We don't have mountains here, we have hills and red dirt and pine trees.
PinkTiger
(2,593 posts)Because the environment around you is lacking in the stimuli you need to feel alive, you feel isolated and alone. The talk with your friend was uplifting because it was someone who is aware of the real you. That is all.
In every small town there are people like you. I speak from my own experience.
Keep trying and you will find these people where you are.
One place to start is by finding ways to give to this community. You might begin by volunteering at the local food bank or thrift store (all small towns have them) or the local veterinary clinic, helping to care for the animals, if you like animals. If you like old people, volunteer at the local nursing homes or retirement communities.
You will find people there, somewhere, without having to try hard.
People who love the same things you do and who are interested in music and art will flock together magically, when we allow it to happen.
I wish you peace. I have found this - have always lived in small towns (except for two brief stints in the "city," and I have found it easy to connect with others who share my interests.
Brenda
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)There was a thrift store in the county seat that supported a battered women's shelter that the DA had started. It closed several years ago. We have angry old rednecks and angry young rednecks. I think the only safe subject is gardening. We are the only white Democrats in town that I can tell.
I have lived here since the fall of 2008 when we moved out of town due to Hurricane Ike and the power being off for two weeks, and we were moving up here anyway since I inherited a house. They make up crap about us because we don't go to church.
I'm not optimistic. My city friends are too busy working or too tired to come here on weekends, so I have to go to the city myself.
They opened a branch of a community college in the county seat a couple of years ago. I took 2 and a half years of welding for something creative to do and then got burned out as of December so I'm not going back.
1handclapn
(105 posts)it is horrible here on the Buckle of the bible belt.. I have an IQ of 164, they haven't had a textbook in a school in this state in a couple hundred years.. 49th in teacher pay. parents have to pay $850 a year per student for the school buss to stop at their corner
it is like i'm suffocating..
Myrina
(12,296 posts)I'm in a city of a million people but I can go for days on end without talking to anyone.
It's as if I'm invisible.
I don't get along with my co-workers beyond required niceties, I don't enjoy news/tv programming anymore because it's all so right wing / TP / Jesus'y and I don't have friends who have time/interest to hang out.
Can't believe the last 10 years have flown past and I have nothing to show for it except "go to work, walk the dogs, go to bed, get up and start over." I feel so sad most of the time.
SheilaT
(23,156 posts)where you'd be far more likely to encounter people more like you?
If you're not going to church in a small community where church is everything, it's going to be almost impossible for you to have any kind of social life, or meaningful conversations. It can be a version of hell to be such a "misfit" in a community.
And if moving isn't feasible, all you can hope for is to get into the city often enough to make your life bearable. Hugs. I hope you can get it all to work out eventually.
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)It's 150 miles or so but it's doable.
Wish I had a friend with a sofa I could sleep on for free.
Manifestor_of_Light
(21,046 posts)I texted my friend asking him what was going on. He would say he wanted to take me out to dinner, and not do it. I would have gone to see him if he wanted to take me out and told me he did. I felt like he was not clear about what kind of relationship we were going to have.
Yes, I got jealous of his girlfriend even though we are not in a romantic relationship. I would call it a close friendship that is kind of weird since I knew him before I met my husband. He does meet some of my emotional needs though. He admits that. I've helped him with his work and that makes me feel useful. I am not using my legal education otherwise, which feels like a waste.
But I think I pissed him off since I asked him what was going on. Basically he doesn't have anyone to talk to where he can just rant about whatever he's done all day or blow off steam, but me, and talk about law. He lives alone in his own house. I let him rant and agree with what he says. He has some hot buttons that he rants about but are not directed at me. He would tell me what to do when I saw him in person, but it was things like telling me to eat right and get some exercise. It wasn't anything that I would disagree with.