Update on Belladonna

[magical thyme]

So I was walking my dogs this morning and there I saw, for the first time in months, Belladonna sitting on the deck of the nearest of my "2 kitty-corner" neighbors, looking like she lived there.

She was gone when by the time we returned, but I could see the neighbors (who just moved in a week ago) were home, so after putting the dogs in, I headed over there.

It turns out that my first belief, when I saw Bella "trapped" in a house looking out a window, was likely true. The neighbors that I suspected had likely taken her captive for a couple weeks at the other "kitty-corner" house. She now hangs out at their two houses. The new people said when they were moving in, she walked right into their home like it was hers. She saw that Bella hung out at the house next to hers, so asked them if she was their cat and they said no. But both sets of neighbors have been feeding her because they "feel sorry for her" although they noticed she's really fat and healthy. Not one person ever bothered to ask around if she might be missing from a home somewhere.

I'm really pissed now. They essentially taught her to stay at their houses, the one's who moved away 2 weeks ago essentially abandoned her when they did that. And none of them was responsible enough to try to figure out if a plump healthy cat that suddenly appeared in the area belonged to anybody.

And then, having semi-adopted her and taught her to stay with them, inviting her into their houses and such, none of them was sufficiently responsible to get her spring shots. So I let the new people know that she disappeared before I could take her for her rabies and feline leukemia shots, so they may want to be careful since they have 2 indoor cats that they bring her inside to visit with.

She's going to catch her the next time she sees her and bring her to me. I'll crate her up and get her shots.

But I'm really pissed. I have seriously stupid assholes for neighbors.

[OneGrassRoot]

1. Glad you know she's okay...

but so sorry for the ignorance of your neighbors which created so much grief.

[magical thyme]

2. I'm glad she's fine too. I'm just having a hard time with anger lately...

Cats choose their people, and I accept that. I do believe that if they hadn't tried taking her in and feeding her, she would have stayed with me.

Having taken her in and started feeding her, I feel they should be responsible for her vet care.

These are the same people who tried to get me to "let" their disabled (permanently 7 year old) daughter "help me" with my horses. As in, while I'm lugging water buckets, mucking stalls, whacking weeds out of the pasture, fixing fences, shoveling snow and essentially breaking my back, she can "help" me by grooming and exercising my horse -- under my watchful eye of course, because her horse abilities are limited to the handicapped riding program, meaning, one-on-one monitoring. And of course I slaved and saved for years and work my ass off solely for the joy of letting other people play with my horse because they "love" them so much, not to mention jproviding free babysitting services.

The buttons they are pushing run right to the core of my life and my being. Whenever anything good came to me, no matter how hard I had worked for it, if either of my sisters wanted it...or any neighbor's kid or any friggin' stranger off the street, I was "selfish" for wanting to keep my hard-earned reward and not give it all away. There was no turnabout, mind you. It was strictly a one-way street. Because no matter how hard I had worked for something, it was always that I was "lucky."

As far as I'm concerned, they are all a bunch of lazy moochers. And they have managed to mooch off my kitty love, while I'm stuck paying the expenses.

I'll never forget the sheer relief I felt when I told my avian vet I guessed I was lucky because all my birds were so sweet. And she yelled at me "Don't ever let anybody tell you it is luck, because it's not! It's work!!! Your birds are sweet because you work hard, you feed them a good diet, you handle them correctly! And that's not LUCK, it's WORK!!!!!"

[southerncrone]

3. Really glad Belladonna is doing fine.

I sense that MT is not. Sadly.
These are times of cleansing for all of us. Ask yourself "why" you are allowing yourself to become so upset about this event? Is it bringing up abandonment issues for you? Control issues? (Cats are excellent at throwing both in our faces! They simply WON'T adhere to our wishes!) Some of us are here to be "the responsible ones". Our world would not have made it if not for us, & it won't continue on without us. Alas, it is frustrating at times, but I'm guessing you CAN'T be any other way! It's your destiny! It's what gives you self-respect. You are reflecting their behavior. Part of us realizing we are all ONE. And MT does not like this part of US.
I can relate, as I am going thru some similar cleansing. Finding that I simply must "let it go" & "rise above it". Stepping back and asking yourself what is the REAL best outcome you wish for. Isn't it that Belladonna is healthy & happy? That neighbors live in harmony? For those things to happen we must all do our part. Granted, being the responsible one is the heavy part, but reflect on the good that can be created in the end. Perhaps you can teach those neighbors responsibility by your actions. Paying it forward, so to speak. Be the example for these people. If they learn, good. If they don't, you did your best & your part. The only one being hurt & upset by this is YOU! Let.it.go. I remember when you first shared the Belladonna story, you knew she had entered your life for a reason. Animals are some of our best teachers. You know this from your horses! They all teach us different things & require us to reflect on our own issues. It is a time for all of us to go deep within & expel the emotions that no long serve us & US (the greater whole). To expel them, we must acknowledge them & recognize them before we know how to deal w/them. We are crossing the divide between "us & them" (duality of 3D world) into the WE (4th/5th D). Fording rivers is never easy, but the reward on the other side is!

Take some time for just you & escape this world in meditation for a while. I know you have much responsibility doing all this by yourself, but you deserve to be responsible to the inner YOU, too. Allow that inner you to rise above it all. The outlook from above is completely different, as will be your perspective! Hug your self for all the good you do. If no one else appreciates it, at least YOU do! Here's one to get you started: .

[magical thyme]

4. I was upset for a number of reasons

but this morning my upset ended.

My neighbors once again interfered with my rights and my animals. Various ill-meaning neighbors have tried to kill my dogs twice, my horses once, and one tried to steal Algiers. Others have been seen trying to hit Algiers with a branch over the fence, and one person I invited over to meet my horses slapped the just-weaned baby in the face when she'd been here for all of a week, deliberately hitting her in the eyes. It was over a week before I could halter her again, and she is permanently head shy as a result.

Supposedly well meaning neighbors have tried to interfere with my horses and now have interefered with my cat's long-term well being by kidnapping her and then dumping her.

I have a right to not have neighbors trespassing on my property whenever they feel like it, changing things to the way they prefer, harassing me, harassing my animals. So I'm partly angry over the lack of respect for *my* space. I don't really want to hear about how "we're all one." I have *never* had my personal space and privacy respected. I have been physically beaten, verbally abused, molested, had my personal property taken from me and given away by my parents and immediate family. I have been stalked and sexually harassed by strangers.

I have a right to peace in my own home, as do my animals. I resent the forced intrusion by assholes who quite frankly shit all over everything, whether it's destroying my garden (yes, that's been done too) mowing grass that I was using for privacy, dropping cigarette butts while they case my place trying to figure out what I did with Algiers' body (none of your mother-fucking business asshole trespasser and nothing illegal so you're not going to get me in trouble over it so you can steal my home).

I have nice neighbors, too. They wave as the dogs and I walk by. I work with 2 of them, one at the hospital, one at the call center. They don't see a need to trespass, they come over only when invited, they don't hurt my animals and they don't force themselves into my life and shit all over it.

There is a difference, and I have a right to say NO to the assholes, and right to have that respected.

Bella didn't cause this "lesson." The neighbors who kidnapped and then dumped her did. I can't provide a "lesson in responsibility" to her kidnappers because they have moved away.

Everything changed for me this morning, because I can't fix Bella. I saw her sitting on the deck while returning from the dog walk. So after I put the dogs in, I picked up my carrier and headed back to the neighbors. The instant, and I mean the very instant she saw me returning, she took off and disappeared into the woods. She couldn't see the carrier at that point either, since there is chest-high brush alongside the road there. She saw me and ran for it. She doesn't want to be cared for by me, so she has essentially absolved me of responsibility for her.

[cate94]

5. I understand your anger and frustration

with your neighbors. I hope that you are feeling some relief that they have moved.

Belladonna doesn't know that you didn't abandon her when the neighbors kept her. She doesn't know you tried to find her. She only knows that life with people has been unpredictable. The fact that she ran away from you doesn't mean anything except that she was freaked out when she saw you approaching.. You disappeared before! Whether she was lost or abducted -now she doesn't trust you. I don't think that means you are absolved of responsibility. It only means Belladonna is afraid.

I'm sorry for all that you have been through. It is rough. I hope that this resolves in a manner that is good for both you and the cat.

[southerncrone]

6. We can only "fix" ourselves, not others.

We can mend physical injuries, but inner wounds require personal care.
May your anger diminish w/time. Wishing you the best.

[magical thyme]

7. By "fixing" Belladonna, I mean fixing the injury they have caused her...

in the sense of loss of a "home base" and the risk of rabies, feline leukemia, etc. that she now faces due to their irresponsible behavior. I can't catch her to get her to the vet for her vaccines. I can't stop the neighbors from feeding and sheltering her, or force them to hand her over to me. It is up to them to stop and give her the chance to come back home. The good news is they appear to have stopped feeding her.

The shelter spent nearly a year working with her, before she was trusting and friendly enough to move out of the feral "barn buddy" program into the "pet adoption" program.

I spent 3 months -- with ideal circumstances for rehoming a cat -- building trust while she learned that my farm, and the barn, are her "home base" where she always has food, shelter and ear scritches.

She is now where she started: back to semi-feral and homeless. I can't confine her here to re-teach her that this is her home base. I can't get her to the vet for her vaccines. That is what I cannot fix.

It is up to the neighbors to stop feeding and sheltering her, and give her the chance to come back to her real home.

The people across the street put food out for her again on Monday, but they stopped putting food out on Tuesday and Wednesday. They were supposed to try to get hold of her and bring her to me on Wednesday, but instead they were gone all day. However, today, they are at home but they still have not put food out for her, so I'm thinking that, after thinking about our conversation, they decided that *they* don't need to be responsible for her.

In the meantime, she came here for food the last couple days (I keep the food dish level so I can tell if she's been eating). The weather is scheduled to be good for the next 10 days or so, so as long as they don't feed her and she continues coming here to eat, that is a beginning.

Hopefully when the weather gets bad again, they also won't shelter her, however sorry they may feel for her. The barn is always there for her, and there is currently an 80-bale pile of hay for her to nest in (the rest of the hay is stored in a separate shed).

[southerncrone]

8. Sounds like these neighbors may be willing to realize the situation

and accept what is best for her. Cats are smart, as long as she has the "open-door" policy at your place, she will most likely return there. That is unless there is something that she finds unacceptable in the environment. Feral cats are gypsies at heart. It takes a lot of patience & time to win them over. I understand your disappointment that all the progress you two had made seems to be undone now & you're starting over from scratch. My bet is she will return to you & the barn when the weather turns. But cats will be cats......ain't no telling them what to do & they do as they please! It's a cat thing.