this is a major, major eclipse

[magical thyme]

at least for me, and based on Ann Ortelee's weekly, I think for a lot if not all of us. It's ripping the scabs off old wounds once again. Bringing back memories dripping with pain, rage, mistaken identity, people who refuse or aren't capable of seeing who you are beyond their own filthy rotten filters, who project their sickness onto you.

Remembering who you really are, making choices again about who you want to be, and flushing the pus out of the wounds, nursing and protecting them to allow healing.

[Squinch]

1. Thanks for this.

I'm feeling all of this, but it feels like the memories are coming up in order to deal with them once and for all and put them to bed.

Glad I'm not alone feeling this way!

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. Yes, that is exactly what is occurring.

I understand that it is a push towards freedom but that doesn't mean I have to "enjoy" it

[Why Syzygy]

4. I learned that..

someone who tore my life apart has gone on to create a brand new, happy, sparkly life, while I have remained stuck.
It was just the ticket to get my attention back on creating my own life.
Or not. But the curiosity of 'what ever happened to' is answered.

I reckon I am doing more of what you say, "making choices again about who you want to be". Exactly.
Never doubt. When we make those choices, things happen.

[magical thyme]

5. exactly....

And it's ok if you want to say, "It's not fair" and whine for a bit. Or say, "It's not fair" and dream up revenge. Or to say, even with some anger, "Hey, if HE can have a brand new happy sparkly life, so can I," or have some other emotional response that I can't think up at the moment. Or have all of them in succession.

Whichever you choose to act on is your chance to start over right now.

For me, it's been one, two and three in succession. I've ended up at #3, but not so much plain anger as focused anger. And as of this morning, my original dream when I bought this place has returned in its original form, with stage 2 looking within reach by the end of summer, although time will tell...

[Why Syzygy]

6. Yes...

I spent some time with those revenge thoughts. But I've decided to wean myself from thoughts of him at all. It works for me in other areas, and it can't upset me if I don't think about it!

Dream on!

[Why Syzygy]

7. Work

I always marvel at how hard you work. Whatever it is, you get it done. Now I'm remembering a story about a little girl moving rocks. Even then, you didn't give up.

I've been on my own for awhile now. I know how hard it is. I wish I was as good at taking care of myself as you are.

Since I started meditating there have been several moments when I feel perfectly content. I relish them. Nothing about my circumstances have changed during those episodes. It's a reminder that my contentment doesn't depend on circumstances. I've started nourishing myself spiritually more often. There's nothing wrong with making needed changes. That's something else you do well, and I utterly fail. I need to daydream about "second chances". That was emphasized in a movie I watched recently. I need to give myself permission to start over.

[magical thyme]

8. that content in meditating is where it begins

You can go back to that as often as you need or want. It's where you can find your dream.

I've had a lifetime to learn to take care of myself, and it's taken a lifetime. Even now, though, I'm going to skip getting my tooth capped -- it's holding up just fine on its own -- and re-direct that money into living my dream. There is no point in living, otherwise.

I didn't always work this hard, or even close to it. Hah! I slept until almost 10am on Saturday, and had a hell of a time getting out of bed when I finally did. But I needed the rest desperately, and I was dreaming right up until I got up. Getting my mini-farm introduced me to hard labor. First packing and moving 17 years worth of stuff, plus all my critters and all of their stuff, was major work. And every thing since then has been far harder than I ever anticipated.

I give up all the time. Every day, every hour or so. Then I do something else -- nap, eat, DU, something. And then when I'm ready, I go back to it, sometimes from a different angle or with a different expectation. It just sucks me back in.

You can't fail at making needed changes. Life will whack you upside the head and force the needed changes on you.

Meditation is where you will find the will to start over. First, you need to be content where you are. Then you will be ready. You will dream up your new dream and start taking steps. If life gets in your way, it may just be re-directing you slightly. You just keep taking one step at a time. And rest when you need to. Survey the landscape. Re-dream it. Every moment is a new beginning...

[Sanity Claws]

9. Is it significant if the eclipse is conjunct your sun?

My birthday is May 26th so this eclipse is close to complete conjunction with my sun.
Is this significant? Or should I just be looking at the house the eclipse is in to determine its significance?

[magical thyme]

10. not an astrologer, so I can't say

I did wonder if I was feeling it particularly hard because it is opposing my sun at 6 degrees scorpio and saturn at 0 degrees scorpio.