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Major Nikon

(36,900 posts)
Sat Sep 12, 2020, 11:29 PM Sep 2020

This Church Allows Atheists To Join As Long As They Are Republicans

HOUSTON, TX—A local church has announced it will begin allowing atheists to join the church as members, as long as they identify as Republican.

"I know we disagree with atheists on some issues, but when it comes to republican or even classical liberal atheists, we basically agree on the essentials," said Robert Bardpail, head pastor of 8th Baptist Church in Houston. "Things like limited government, low taxes, free speech, equal protection under the constitution, those are the core tenets that bind us together."

Under the new church constitution released by the deacon board last week, atheists will now be allowed to serve as elders and deacons, teach small groups, and run VBS. All new members will be onboarded with a study of Milton Friedman or Thomas Sowell before being allowed to serve in ministry.

8th Baptist Church is reportedly looking for new atheist members by hanging up flyers around all the cool atheist hangouts."So far, no atheists have really taken us up on our offer," said Bardpail. "That stinks. I wonder why they don't want to hang out with us!"
https://babylonbee.com/news/church-will-now-allow-atheist-members-as-long-as-they-are-republicans

Update:
8 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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This Church Allows Atheists To Join As Long As They Are Republicans (Original Post) Major Nikon Sep 2020 OP
"I wonder why they don't want to hang out with us!" dchill Sep 2020 #1
And why does the pastor think... 3catwoman3 Sep 2020 #2
What part of "atheist" do you fail to comprehend? Miguelito Loveless Sep 2020 #3
Babylon Bee giving The Onion a run. TreasonousBastard Sep 2020 #4
The atheists I know hang out with Unitarian Universalists. Manifestor_of_Light Sep 2020 #5
I am on several boards in the UU "church", and I would say we are maybe 10% theists... TreasonousBastard Sep 2020 #8
Where are all the cool atheist hangouts? Zambero Sep 2020 #6
TAX THE VILE HYPOCRITICAL SONSABITCHES! nt Atticus Sep 2020 #7

Miguelito Loveless

(4,666 posts)
3. What part of "atheist" do you fail to comprehend?
Sat Sep 12, 2020, 11:34 PM
Sep 2020

Oh, you are just trying to make a point that you think will make you look clever.

 

Manifestor_of_Light

(21,046 posts)
5. The atheists I know hang out with Unitarian Universalists.
Sat Sep 12, 2020, 11:44 PM
Sep 2020

And they're pretty much all liberal Democrats.
uua.org/find

TreasonousBastard

(43,049 posts)
8. I am on several boards in the UU "church", and I would say we are maybe 10% theists...
Wed Sep 23, 2020, 03:32 PM
Sep 2020

OK, maybe 20%, but none are doctrinaire. Same with the Quaker meeting I once belonged to. I have been to Quaker meetings that were pretty much 100% atheist.

There is, at the moment, a debate going on as to whether we should be called "Unitarian Universalist Church" or something else. "Fellowship" is big.

Zambero

(9,762 posts)
6. Where are all the cool atheist hangouts?
Sun Sep 13, 2020, 01:41 AM
Sep 2020

Where hordes of non-believers swarm in hopes of finding a flyer inviting them to join a Republican-only Baptist church? One of the best-kept secrets on the planet no doubt!





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