My father died on June 18th of this year - he was just shy of 87.

[Pendrench]

In the days leading up to his death, he was mostly bedridden and non-verbal.

On one occasion, however, my mother came into their bedroom and he was sitting up in bed with his arms out, as though he was trying to reach something. When my mom asked what he saw, he said: "Dad and mother"

Another time, not long after this, she heard him (seemingly) having a conversation with his Aunt Mary (she lived with him and my grandparents, when my dad was a child).

Finally, one morning after my dad was moved to hospice, the nurse asked if we knew anyone named "Billy". Apparently the previous evening, they heard him talking to someone by that name. As it turns out, Billy was his best friend who died in a boating accident just after my parents were married.

Two days later my father died.

As a Christian, it gives me some comfort to believe that just as our family was gathered around his bed during his last moment, there were others whom he loved (already deceased) who were there to welcome him into the afterlife.


But this is just a belief....it's not proof, nor should it be seen as proof.


It could simply be that as my father's brain was dying, it brought to the forefront memories of those people closest to him who had already died. And that he didn't really see my grandparents, his aunt, or his best friend...he was just remembering them.

So what do I think? What do I believe?

I'm not sure.

I imagine that there are some who feel strongly one way or another, but I also imagine that there are others like me who are not sure.

In any event, to all who believe, to all who do not believe, to all who question, and to all who are not sure....I wish you ALL well and peace.

Tim

[redwitch]

1. No way of knowing.

But really comforting to think of being greeted at the human rainbow bridge someday. Condolences on the loss of your dad.

[Pendrench]

2. Hi redwitch - thank you very much.

As you can probably guess, I thought that my dad was a wonderful man.

More than anything else, he loved his family - especially my mom.

And he absolutely adored his grandchildren.

He is greatly missed, but he left us with many happy memories that we'll cherish forever.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Tim

[Pendrench]

9. Hi Chin music - thank you very much for your kind words.

You know, it's funny....I find myself talking to him every day.

Now, I don't mean that I can actually hear him or anything like that, but sometimes I'll be out walking, and I'll just say something out loud, like:

"Hey Dad, what did you think about the Orioles game last night?"

or

"Hey Dad, you won't believe what happened to me....."

If he does reply, however, I'll be sure to let people know

Tim

[mn9driver]

3. My dad passed away in March. He was also 87

I witnessed the same behavior. He was speaking to his parents, and old friends who had gone before him. Regardless of whether it was “real” or not, it was comforting to know that he saw himself surrounded by a host of his family and friends at the end.

[Pendrench]

7. Hi mn9driver - thank you for your response.

I agree...it was very comforting for us as well.

So sorry for your loss...hope you and your family are doing well.

Tim

[woodsprite]

8. I believe that toward death, the person hovers between the two planes.

I've thought about it a lot. My father saw his brother by his bedside for several days before he passed. He saw others come and go, but I can't remember who he said they were. He acted like he knew them, but I didn't recognize some of the names. I was young and thought it was really creepy.

Fast forward 11 years, and I'm in the hospital with my Mom. My brother and I knew that the end was not far off. She was passing from complications from Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation (DIC). As we sat with her one evening, she was talking to someone on the other side of the bed than where we were. When I asked who was visiting, she was irked at me because it was her brother (my Uncle Harry). According to her, he hadn't been gone so long that I should have forgotten him. He had passed away 3 years earlier. She said "Don't you see him?"

I tried to see something (if it was a shadow, the way the curtain fell, etc). I ended up telling her "Mom, I'm not going to say that Uncle Harry isn't there, but I'm just telling you that *I* can't see him. She seemed fine after that, although she continued to hold a conversation with him. I had to get home to my husband and new baby for the night, so I told her I'd be back in the morning, but to have a nice visit with Uncle Harry. I told Uncle Harry to keep watch over Mom until I returned.

When I returned the next morning, Mom was sitting up in bed and they were trying to get her to take some food. Within an hour, she had passed.

So yeah, I believe we can see across the plane.

[Pendrench]

13. Hi woodsprite - thank you for sharing your story.

I'm so glad to hear that you were with you mom when she passed...I wasn't sure how I would react (this was the first time I was in the same room when someone died), but when it happened, I felt a great sense of peace, and I was so glad that I was there with him.

Probably the biggest thing I miss was his sense of humor. He always used to say that when he died, he wanted his casket full of ice and beer so people could enjoy themselves. Well, we weren't able to do that, but my one nephew was sure to place a can of his favorite beer in there with him before they closed the casket.

He would have LOVED that

Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[littlemissmartypants]

10. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

Having been at the bedside myself several times, as part of my work, when people have passed on or were about to pass on, I can tell you that what you are reporting is somewhat common. Some attribute it to spiritual reasons while others interpret it as a reflection of the neurological and metabolic changes that accompany dying. I say whatever gives you the most comfort would be the interpretation I would follow. Again, sorry for your loss with hope you find comfort in the memories your dad left behind. ❤

[Pendrench]

14. Hi littlemissmartypants - Thank you very much.

I agree - I would like to believe that loved ones who have died before us can reach out to us as we are near death, but I also acknowledge (as you mention) that this could simply be the "neurological and metabolic changes that accompany dying".

I suppose the true lesson here is that we (the living) should treat others well while they are alive, so we don't have any regrets when they are no longer with us.

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[MFM008]

11. My dad was 69

Way to young.
I pray my parents will be there for me
Even if its a mind trick of a dying brain.

[Pendrench]

15. Hi MFM008 - thank you for taking time to respond to my post.

You are so right...69 is way too young.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I know that they say that hearing is one of the last senses to go, I would like to think that my dad was aware that we were in the same room with him and that he also felt that those who passed before him were with him, too, even if (as you say) it was a mind trick of a dying brain.

Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[MFM008]

24. thanks TIm

[Pendrench]

25. You're very welcome.

[demigoddess]

12. I have 'felt' ghosts since I was 8 yrs old. I have had visits from

loving relatives. Oddly not the religious ones. the agnostic ones. But once my father visited and my daughter, severely retarded daughter, apparently saw him and smiled at him and I felt him give a really big smile to her. I say spirits are real and it doesn't require believing in God in life. I do not believe that belief is required to go to heaven.

[Pendrench]

16. Hi demigoddess - thank you for your reply to my post.

I'm in total agreement that the lack of belief does not exclude anyone from heaven.

In fact. even though I'm a Christian (Catholic), I believe that if there is a god, he/she/it cares about how we treat each other, especially those in most need, rather than what we believe or do not believe.

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace

Tim

[applegrove]

17. My grandmother was with my grandfather when he died in an institution

Last edited Fri Oct 4, 2019, 03:11 AM - Edit history (1)

out of town. She thanked the doctor in such a way that the doctor cried. She went back to the motel alone that night. At one point that night she saw grandad flying away waving bye bye. She blurted out this story at dinner the next week. She was not someone given to blurting or visions. And we all shed a tear. So too he when he had altzheimers' and had been incoherent for such a long time he suddenly had a clear rememberance of getting off the boat after WWII and seeing my grandmother through the fog and he said "and there was my Margaret" and he cried. I don't think there are too many mistakes in how we naturally handle things or what our brains give us at important times. Back when we lived in villages it was all we had as resources. I call it evolution but you could call it religion and we would both be right. Both comforting things. Now the weird part. When my grandfather had Altzheimers' in Ottawa he would often say to my grandmothet I'm going home to mother. His mother was long dead and had lived on King Street in Brockville. When he went into nursing care in ottawa, granny had protected us from the worst of it in an effort to protect him, he was pretty soon deemed too violent. He had had a brain injury in WWII but was capable until he got altzheimers'. So he was moved to an asylum on King Street in Brockville. That's where he died... mere blocks from where he was born and 1.5 hours from Ottawa where he had lived for 50 years. What we find comforting gives those we love comfort too. We are all in this together. Your father was giving you a gift... one more time and comforting you.

[Pendrench]

19. Hi applegrove - thank you for sharing your story.

I have to admit that I have never had an experience similar to your grandmother's....I've only heard of them from other family members.

Other than the experience with my father, the earliest one I remember is when my great aunt died (I was 12 at the time)...she was the first person that I knew who passed away. Anyway, my sister who was 10 at the time told us that the night that our aunt died, she saw an image of her when looking in the mirror. Of course this could have just been my sister's imagination, but it gave her comfort at that time.

And then years later, just before my grandfather died, he told those in the hospital room with him that he was talking to Julie...his granddaughter (my cousin) who died when she was only 11 years old.

Perhaps it was just a function of his brain as he was dying, and perhaps my sister was just a child with an active imagination.

I don't know...

In any case, thank you again - wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[applegrove]

20. Vibes to you in your loss.

[Pendrench]

22. Thank you - he was a great guy.

The funny thing is, I don't think that I've cried once since he died.

It's not that I don't miss him - I do, every single day - but perhaps it's because I don't have any regrets.

He lived to a good age, other than the last several weeks he was in pretty good health and still mentally alert. We saw each other often (probably several times a week), and he was well loved and admired by family and friends.

In short, he had a very good life.

I wonder if tears will come when it gets closer to his birthday (November 29) or when we get closer to the holidays.

Perhaps, I guess I'll see.

Thank you again.

Tim

[applegrove]

23. I cried all night the night my mom died. She had been sick for a while.

Last edited Thu Oct 3, 2019, 11:52 PM - Edit history (1)

Then i had nothing for the funeral. But then i'm on big meds for ptsd. They say everyone grieves differently. I have some regrets about my mom. So even though she asked me 4 weeks before that she wanted to be gone and i southed her on that and the family was around, maybe i knew i'd be dealing with regrets for a long while afterwards and i was scared and very sad and and we could no longer go for short walks outside and i missed that already so her dying was not as peaceful for me as it was for you. I wish we could have done assisted dying and cut off my mom's unhappy death by 4 weeks. She was ready then. I saw her 5 to 6 days a week for those last years. Don't know. I'll be assessing our relationship for the rest of my life. So no peace for me. My mom and i are both not perfect and made mistakes but both good eggs who would never intentionally hurt anybody else. We are just naive and were swayed by others outside the family. But i'd rather be us than them. So i've gotten that far in 4 years. I am passive like her and have her divergent thinking. Those are some of the things that make me happy these days. So i owe her a lot.

Bet you you'll be driving home in the car during a light rain at night and lights will be all smokey and foggy around you on the streets and you'll think of your dad and cry because he was lucky and so well loved and gave you beauty and joy and life.

[Pendrench]

27. Hi applegrove - You are correct, we all grieve differently, and I imagine that one day tears will

come.

Just after he died, in fact it may have been the day he died, I was driving alone in my car listening to the radio, and Gilbert O'Sullivan's song "Alone Again, Naturally" came on. If you now the song, there is a line that says:

"I remember I cried when my father died, never wishing to hide the tears"

Maybe it was because I know that my dad and I shared an absurd sense of humor, but instead of crying, I actually laughed and said out loud:

"Really??!!"

I'd like to think that was his way of letting me know that he was still with me


Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Karadeniz]

18. Hospice workers see this all the time and know that usually death is imminent. There are

Several books out that are collections of health care workers experiences with deathbed visions. They don't discount them.

[Pendrench]

21. Hi Karadeniz - Thank you for replying to my post.

I definitely would like to learn more about this - so I will try to find some of these books

Just before my dad died, the hospice worker could tell that it would be soon, so my mom called my brother, my sister and me and we were able to be there (with our spouses and children) in time before he was gone.

Best to you - wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Siwsan]

26. Shortly before my sister lost her power of speech, she told me she heard our Dad talking to her

She had no doubt it was his voice she was hearing and she took comfort in hearing him. He died in 1999. She died in January of 2015.

Before my grandmother died, she was overheard holding conversations, in her native language, with what we assumed were deceased family members.

[Pendrench]

28. Hi Siwsan - thank you for replying to my post.

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your sister...but I'm glad to hear that she was comforted by hearing your father's voice.

Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Siwsan]

32. I'm convinced I heard from my father, just after he died

I've told this story, before, so pardon if you've already read it. Just before my Dad died, in hospice, I opened the window and suggested he go out and see the beautiful birds that were gathered at the pond. Shortly after that suggestion, he died.

A few days after that I was walking along the road and a big, beautiful plume feather floated down, in front of me. I looked up and there were no birds in sight. I figured that was just Dad, letting me know he enjoyed his time with the birds.

[Kitchari]

29. The author David Kessler

has written extensively on this--he was a colleague of Dr. Kubler Ross. He calls them "crowded rooms," and the experiece is frequent. Condolences to you and your family on your father's passing.

[Pendrench]

30. Hi Kitchari - thank you for your kind words.

I will try to locate a copy of Dr. Ross's book

Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Locrian]

31. DMT

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/dd52796e-5935-414e-af0c-de9686d02afa

[Pendrench]

34. Hi Locrian - thank you for sharing this article!

This is very interesting - I definitely would like to delve deeper into these types of experiences.

The brain/mind is truly incredible.

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace!

Tim

[Locrian]

37. sure - good book here

https://www.amazon.com/Change-Your-Mind-Consciousness-Transcendence/dp/1594204225

How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence Hardcover – May 15, 2018
by Michael Pollan (Author)

[Pendrench]

38. Excellent - thank you!

I've been meaning to read Pollan's "The Omnivore’s Dilemma" so I will also add this to my reading list.

Thanks again!

Tim

[MineralMan]

33. This is a very common phenomenon.

I've seen it myself in aging people. There is no way to completely understand what dying people "see" or "experience" in their last days. Such things could easily be hallucinations fed by old memories. Often, especially in people who are under hospice care, dosages of opioids to relieve pain can reach levels that affect the brain's thinking processes. Diminishing oxygen levels in the bloodstream, too, can trigger false perceptions.

Since we can't measure such things, it is probably a mistake to ascribe them to anything in particular. Similar experiences are a commonplace, though. I'm not sure we can infer anything from them.

[Pendrench]

35. Hi MineralMan - thank you for responding to my post.

Very well said - it may well be that these experiences are memories/hallucinations triggered by changing brain chemistry.

Speaking only for myself, although (as a Christian) I would like to believe that loved ones who previously died were there for my dad, I also think that it is imperative for me to learn more about these experiences before classifying them as life-after-death communications.

Definitely a fascinating subject!

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace

Tim

[MineralMan]

36. I think it will be impossible to pin down what those phenomena

indicate, really. The person who is dying can't help explain, and we have no real tools available to investigate what is happening.

In my opinion, it matters very little. If there is comfort in them for the person experiencing them, that is enough, really.

[Bretton Garcia]

39. Pen:

I guess we could say that if your father's loved ones, their friendly deeds, lived on in his memory, his brain, their "spirit" lived on. In his memory. And comforted him.

In my opinion, that's one of the meanings of a lot of "spirit" talk. In Christianity and other religions. As you might suggest in part, there's no need to call that supernatural. Or religious.

You might call it one of the natural wonders of nature. And specifically of the material human brain.

[Pendrench]

40. Hi Bretton Garcia - thank you for your reply.

I agree that this could be the case - and if it was his memories that gave him comfort, I'm very glad of that.

One thing I do know for sure, the memories of my dad continue to bring comfort to me.

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Bretton Garcia]

43. Strong natural family bonds help most of us, mostly

Last edited Fri Oct 11, 2019, 06:38 AM - Edit history (1)

The fact that the Christian god is often called a "Father" is probably designed to try to gather in, incorporate, co-opt, that kind of natural thing. Into religion.Though I'm not sure how successful that incorporation is in turn, overall.

I usually prefer to typically take in my family bonds straight from the local sources.

[Bretton Garcia]

44. Though historical reference to actual exemplary fathers is useful too.

Last edited Sat Oct 12, 2019, 06:41 AM - Edit history (1)

And personal examples.

[guillaumeb]

41. Thank you for sharing your story, and your belief as to the meaning.

My own belief is that we are all a part of creation, and the Creator. And that the essence of who we are never really dies, it simply transforms.

Guill

[Pendrench]

42. Hi Guill - thank you for responding and for your kind words.

As a Christian, it is my hope and belief that my dad was actually visited by family and friends who had already died, but I also have to admit that there is part of me that understands and thinks that it could have been a natural function of his brain.

So I really don't know.

In any case, I am glad that my dad was comforted by this experience

Thank you again - wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[Bretton Garcia]

45. Gil: if the "creation"/ or nature explains most of life?

Especially as explained in great and provable detail by science and reason? (Which might in religious terms be called the study of "Creation"?)

Then the religious addition of hopelessly speculative ideas on a manlike "creator" behind all that in turn, seems somewhat superfluous and simplistically anthropomorphic to many of us.

[guillaumeb]

46. Yes, many religions do anthropomorphize their experience.

As to simplistic, I disagree. Perhaps most of us (theists) recognize that the Creator cannot be explained by humans. We ascribe motivation to the Creator because we are motivated by certain things. This tendency is an effort to understand the Creator, to relate to the Creator.

[Bretton Garcia]

47. Yes. A manlike God is partly a familiar handle or reference for men.

Or a metaphor.

But eventally the metaphor fails to accurately describe the Nature we and science observe all around.