What Is the Proper Reaction to a Personal Statement of Religious Belief?

[MineralMan]

When someone volunteers information about their own religious beliefs, I'm generally nonplussed. I'm never sure how I should react to such an announcement. Is that person looking for congratulations? An argument? A discussion of theology? Is the information supposed to be of interest to anyone other than that person? Am I about to be proselytized?

I'm afraid my reaction is to just shrug and say, OK. Then I attempt to change the subject. For me, such beliefs are an individual, personal response to life and its vagaries. I would never volunteer my atheistic philosophy without being asked directly about religion, and I would consider the question, itself, as an unwelcome intrusion into my personal life.

And yet, people not infrequently volunteer statements about their own beliefs, even if the topic of religion is not on the table. Now, in a place like the Religion Forum on DU, religion is obviously and seriously on the table, so sharing such information about oneself is appropriate here. But that's not the case in most social situations.

For me, a stated religious identity rarely seems to correlate with a person's behavior and demeanor. It seems unrelated to how I should expect that person to behave in any given situation. So, I'm at a loss to understand why some people are so eager to volunteer that personal information. It's puzzling.

[Pendrench]

1. Hi MineralMan - I completely agree.

I think a shrug and saying "OK" is an appropriate response.

My beliefs are my own - and I wish to be judged by my actions towards others - not by statements of what I believe or do not believe.

As you said, in a forum such this, such sharing is different, but outside of a shared discussion of the topic, I'm perplexed as well.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Wishing you well and peace.

Tim

[MineralMan]

2. Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

Best wishes to you, as well...

[Pendrench]

29. You are very welcome.

Always a pleasure

Tim

[Major Nikon]

3. Kinda makes you wonder about the sincerity of belief when they have to wear it on their sleeve

It's kinda like when some remind us that faith is all the proof that's needed and true believers are utterly convinced by it. Seems a bit odd that someone can abandon all skepticism, especially on an assertion that lacks anything remotely resembling evidence and plausibility. Seems far more likely deep down they have serious doubts and need to constantly remind themselves they are convinced in order to fight back those doubts.

[MineralMan]

5. There is strength in numbers, it is said.

I suppose one reason is to get affirmation of similar beliefs from others. That could ease doubts, perhaps.

Given that, you take your chances by announcing your beliefs. The person you're telling might well dash your beliefs with icy water. I don't do that, though. I just shrug and say OK. For me, people are entitled to believe whatever myths they're able to believe, as long as they don't insist that I also believe their myths.

[marylandblue]

4. I suspect such people want to draw you into a conversation about religion

so they can evangelize you. Since you are not interested in that, your response seems perfectly fine.

[MineralMan]

6. That's my suspicion, too. I won't play, though.

[marylandblue]

7. Most people don't, so they are probably used to it

But their religion requires them to try.

[Major Nikon]

10. There's that

But many also want to know what your affiliations are so they can ostracize you if it doesn't match theirs. There are people in this world who are rabidly paranoid of teh devil and think he's around every corner and waiting to take up residence in their minds. The most obvious manifestation of this takes the form of extreme homophobia. Has a lot to do with why so many uber religious people home school their kids.

[Glamrock]

8. For most, it seems to me anyway,

To be a declaration of the tribe they belong to.

[MineralMan]

9. That's a good point.

Thanks.

[Pope George Ringo II]

22. Especially in a small town in the South.

It's right there with, "Who's your daddy?"

[mitch96]

35. +1

[malchickiwick]

11. You are better than I; I find it hard not to roll my eyes and guffaw mockingly.

Then again, as one who was raised in a VERY strict, religious home and subject to all the sorts of childhood emotional manipulations that that entailed, I believe it is something of a defensive mechanism I have.

Extricating myself from that religious morass was difficult, to say the least, and seeing my entire family still fully trapped has been a source of endless frustration and sadness. Thus, whenever I hear somebody spout their faith unsolicited I immediately want to throw down the gauntlet of reason and have a "come to Jesus moment" (so to speak), so maybe a silent smirk is the best I can hope to achieve by way of common human decency in such a situation.

Thanks for the interesting question, and I agree, that anyone would do so is more than a little "puzzling".

[MineralMan]

12. I just never find that engaging such people in a discussion

produces any good result. So, I don't react to it, really.

[cyclonefence]

13. "I'm not sure why you wanted me to know that."

[MineralMan]

14. That's an invitation to proselytization.

Better not to comment at all, I think.

[cyclonefence]

15. Oh, you bet it is

But then I'm a woman who kept Jehovah's Witnesses coming to my house for 18 months trying to save me. I told them from the outset that I am an atheist (who spent a lot of time in church as a kid and who has read the Bible completely through twice), and they finally gave up on me. I guess I have a lot more free time than you do.

My father, a newspaper editor and columnist, attracted these guys like flies to shit. I grew up in a house where dinner guests were often religious nuts--Walter Orbit Bibbee, for example, who couldn't understand why the paper wouldn't publish his photos of Jesus appearing in trees--so I was brought up to find these guys entertaining.

[MineralMan]

17. Oh, I used to entertain myself that way, too, but the older I get,

the less amused I am by such things.

[cyclonefence]

47. The thing is,

I really enjoy discussing theology. Say what you will about (at least some) of these guys, they do know their Bibles. Since I don't really have a dog in the fight, I can just enjoy the conversation. It is difficult to find sane people to talk theology with, at least around here. And it's good for them to be shown that atheists aren't atheists because they don't know about god, and church, and everything. It surprises them when I quote back to them, and I think it might broaden their minds, if not about religion, about the kinds of people who do not believe as they do.

I was always kind and hospitable to my Witnesses, serving them tea and making sure they were comfortable. Once or twice, I caught a look (my Witnesses were husband and wife) between them--I like to think it was due to a realization that I don't eat babies.

[2naSalit]

16. Interesting you should bring this up...

I endured such a situation earlier this week and it left me wondering the same things about it since.

I was kind of trapped as I was having my teeth cleaned and the hygienist started in with what I felt was a handful of inappropriate topics including her religious beliefs.

She started in with a complaint about her health insurance and how she tried to apply for Medicaid and when she entered he income she was transferred to "Obamacare"! Like it was some kind of conspiracy. I explained that it was the Affordable Care Act that made it possible for her to shop for insurance and that it was a good thing and she should be thankful. Then I told her she made too much money to be on Medicaid.

Then she went into the religious stuff, not sure how that segued into that area, but she was prying and I got annoyed so I told her that I practice what I learned from my Indian friends and I don't talk about it to people outside the circle. But then she wanted to know what her dreams meant and I soon had to ask her to just do her job, which she wasn't very good at and didn't seem to know much about what she was doing, claimed she was a "sub". If I hadn't really needed to get the procedure done, I would have rescheduled. I'll know better next time.

I grew up with zealots, it's best to engage in a noncommittal conversation with them, if they get too pushy about it, I claim to be nonsubscribing to any organized religion and tell them that I belong to the religion of 2naSalit and I'm the only member and they wouldn't "get it".

[MineralMan]

18. Chatty dental hygienists...Yuck.

One of my least favorite phenomenon on this planet. I don't like the process, and want it finished as quickly as possible. More than once, I've simply interrupted and said, "Please just focus on the cleaning and skip the one-way conversation, thanks." I had one hygienist take umbrage at my request and stab me in the gums a couple of times with the tool. I insisted she stop the procedure. I then marched into another room, interrupted the dentist, and explained what had happened and why I would not be paying for the cleaning. The dentist was someone I knew outside of his office. The hygienist was summary fired on the spot.

Too many people think that constant chatter is appropriate at all times. It's not.

[2naSalit]

19. I desire any conversation

to be relative to the transaction myself. There seems to be a sense for some, that if they are religious they can be excused from being skilled at the service you're paying them to provide. I don't have that kind of sensibility.

[The Genealogist]

20. If you felt trapped, or uncomfortable with the situation

I would let the dentist know.

[2naSalit]

23. I plan to

but I have to wait until Monday.

[The Genealogist]

24. Glad you are

Dentists' offices are stressful enough without being basically held captive to someone's religious spiel.

[Cartoonist]

21. I'm grateful for the warning

I know immediately I will not be able to have an intelligent conversation with this person.

I'm not saying people of faith are ignorant, just those who broadcast it.

[Bayard]

25. Before I left Calif.

I had to have the vet in for all the required vaccinations (including all the chickens), and health certificates for the animals. My vet was Mennonite. We were sitting at the kitchen table going over the bill, when with no warning, he dropped his head and started praying about the trials I was going thru and god help me. I was so shocked, I just sat there. He was a very nice man, and a good vet.

But otherwise, being forthright about my atheism could get me in big trouble in bible-thumping southern Kentucky. Good thing I don't talk to many people around here.

[Eliot Rosewater]

26. If I could fart on demand...maybe that?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

27. It depends on the context.

If someone tells me during a discussion about music that they are a member of St. Somebody's Lutheran Church choir, I will assume they are Lutheran and that they don't mind that I know that about them. But it's peripheral to the discussion and we'll probably just keep talking about music and not religion except maybe with respect to how the music is used in the liturgy. But if, apropos of nothing in particular, someone tells me that they are a Christian without specifying a denomination, I suspect either proselytization or some implicit criticism of my heathen ways might be forthcoming. In such instances (which have not occurred much lately) I would just nod and change the subject.

Or else they are a Southerner. Seems like when you meet someone from, say, Alabama, the second question they ask you, after your name, is what church you go to so they can talk you into going to theirs.

[beachbum bob]

28. "Every one has right to their own beliefs with the expectation of NOT FORCING IT ON OTHERS"

always been my response

[Alpeduez21]

30. Made me think of this

[Iggo]

31. Applause, obviously.

[MineralMan]

32. Very slow applause:

[msongs]

33. "thanks for the warning" is a good response nt

[SeattleVet]

34. I met up with an old Air Force buddy a few years ago for lunch.

Had a pleasant time chatting about past activities, and every so often he or his wife would mention that they had 'dedicated their lives' and were 'witnessing'. My wife and I totally ignored those comments and kept the conversation going, on track. We became friends on Facebook...for almost a week, before he sent me a message along the lines of "Sorry...you post too much anti-christian and anti-conservative stuff!" and unfriended me. He's a huge MAGA guy in Eastern Washington.

The only other somewhat uncomfortable encounter I had was many years ago when I was stationed at Fort Meade. I was in a local supermarket to grab a few things and a woman came up to me after seeing the "American Atheists" patch on my denim jacket. She looked shocked, then asked, 'Can I pray for you?'. I said something along the lines of, 'Whatever floats your boat', and then it was MY turn to be shocked when she grabbed my hands, got on her knees, and started praying out loud. I shook loose and told her to just please stay away from me.

[MineralMan]

36. When someone says to me, "I'll pray for you," I counter with

"And I'll think for you." That generally shuts them up long enough for me to make my escape.

[Iggo]

46. I can never think of that one fast enough.

I usually go with "Knock yourself out", which I mean more literally than they think.

[Squinch]

37. "Oh, my stars! I forgot my fudge!" Then run away.

[MineralMan]

38. LOL! Let them think about that for a while.

I like it. A complete non-sequitur.

[Squinch]

39. My father used to have a thing for when people invited him to

things he didn't want to go to. The thing could be a month away, but he'd say, "I can't. I have a wake to go to."

They'd look sympathetic as he walked away, and then you'd see the dawning on their faces.

[MineralMan]

40. I like your father. Yes, I do.

[Squinch]

41. He was a wonderful person. I was very lucky.

[guillaumeb]

42. I never give one.

If asked, and that has only rarely happened, I say that personal beliefs should remain personal.

Perhaps people who ask are looking for a commonality with relative strangers.

[Rob H.]

43. As strange as this might sound

I rarely ever (once, I think) got asked about my religion (or lack of same) during the 2-1/2 decades I spent in the Bible Belt. Then I moved to the Pacific NW and was asked by a co-worker where I went to church literally my first day at my new job. Maybe it’s an etiquette thing in the South, where people I encountered tended not to pry.

For me, a stated religious identity rarely seems to correlate with a person's behavior and demeanor.

Yep. Some of the most dishonest, unethical people I’ve ever met were proud to tell you all about how religious they were.

[Mariana]

44. There's nothing magical about religion

that makes its practitioners any more likely to be honest and ethical than anyone else.

[MineralMan]

45. And isn't that the most interesting thing of all?

It's difficult to see how religion has had any beneficial effect on human society, overall. All aspects considered, I think it's a wash, really.