Humor
Related: About this forumGrammar walks into a bar...
- The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
- A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
- A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
- A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
- An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
- Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
- A question mark walks into a bar?
- A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
- A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
- Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
- A synonym strolls into a tavern.
- At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
- A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
- An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
- The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
- A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
- A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
- A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
Ilsa
(62,241 posts)They're as fun as juvenile potty humor. Thanks!
Clash City Rocker
(3,541 posts)The bartender says, Get out, we dont serve your type.
keithbvadu2
(40,144 posts)Fritz Walter
(4,349 posts)Probatim
(3,019 posts)Sorry - I couldn't resist that small correction.
sop
(11,216 posts)Sorry, couldn't resist.
keithbvadu2
(40,144 posts)What we really need is a grammar Eisenhower.
TheRickles
(2,416 posts)A few more linguistically-oriented examples from the "walked into a bar" genre:
A German tourist goes into a bar and orders a martini. "Dry?", asks the bartender. "No, just the one, replies the German.
A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"
The centurion answers, "If I wanted a double, I would have ordered it.
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gives her one.
niyad
(119,989 posts)Beastly Boy
(11,148 posts)Shermann
(8,654 posts)chwaliszewski
(1,528 posts)and tries to order a beer. The bartender tells him "Hey, we don't serve your kind in here." so he leaves the bar and approaches a woman using a hairbrush. He asks her to use her brush to tatter the top of his head, which she does. He then asks her to loop him on himself in a particular fashion, a sheepshank, if you will. He then heads back to the bar and again attempts to order a beer. The bartender confronts him by asking, "Aren't you that piece string I just kicked out of here 5 minutes ago?". The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!".
House of Roberts
(5,689 posts)I knew a girl like that, but her name wasn't Cliché, it was Alice.
keithbvadu2
(40,144 posts)chwaliszewski
(1,528 posts)In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense
moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant
enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
unblock
(54,157 posts)DFW
(56,566 posts)That is Republicanese
In English, we say, to all intents and purposes.
Mister Ed
(6,352 posts)That's part of the joke.
DFW
(56,566 posts)Of course, I guess that depends on how you define serious.
Permanut
(6,645 posts)the ladies of the church are going to lay eggs on the altar.
- From an actual church bulletin.
DFW
(56,566 posts)notKeith
(149 posts)n/t
notKeith
(149 posts)notKeith
(149 posts)DFW
(56,566 posts). on your breading.
TeamProg
(6,630 posts)TeamProg
(6,630 posts)(I just made that up!)
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence, phrase, or larger discourse is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists such as Emo Philips and Groucho Marx.
AnotherDreamWeaver
(2,884 posts)"I drink to your death, may you be buried in a casket made from a 100 year old oak, grown from an acorn I plant today."
Response to sop (Original post)
jfz9580m This message was self-deleted by its author.