Do you have a favorite Trump joke?

[red dog 1]

I love the one called "Ghosts in the White House"...but my favorite short one is this one:


Q) Why did Donald Trump cross the road?
A) Because he saw a 13-year-old girl hitchhiking on the other side.

[msongs]

1. melania was a "model" lol, that always gets me ROFL nt

[MarianJack]

3. She can use 5 different languages to say...

..."I'll do anal for another $200!"

RESIST

[MarianJack]

2. What is ghosts in the White House?

I've been telling this joke since LBJ when I was a preteen, but here goes.

Donald Trump goes into a psychiatrist's office with a parrot on his head. The psychiatrist asks "What can I do for you?"

The parrot says "Hey doc, can you get this wart off of my ass?"

Of course, Dolt45 is pretty much a wart anyway. Also, a personal rule of thumb for me is that ANY doctor in a joke MUST be a psychiatrist, even if it's about getting roids removed.

As always, Donald Trump is an idiot and an ass hat.

#notmypresident

RESIST

[applegrove]

4. Trump, Angela Merkel and a little boy are on a plane. The plane has

mechanical problems. The pilot grabs a parachute and jumps out. There are two parachutes left.

Trump grabs one and jumps out. Merkel says to the little bouy "you take the chute for i have had a long life and it is your turn to change the world in your long life to come - you take the last parachute". The little boy replies "that's okay. Trump took my knapsack".

[Blue Owl]

5. What's the difference between Trump and the Hindenburg?

One's a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a zeppelin...

[msongs]

12. lol nt

[red dog 1]

14. Good one!

[jmowreader]

7. Ghosts in the White House is about the deceased presidents who visit him

There’s a bunch of ways to tell it, but always at the end Trump asks the ghost of Abraham Lincoln how to become an immortal president, and Lincoln tells him to go see a play.

[red dog 1]

15. Well, I guess I won't tell that joke now.

It's kind of long anyway.

[LakeArenal]

8. Donald Jr and Eric.

[Tribetime]

10. You win 😊

[Tribetime]

9. Trump got crushed by a 2000 pound piano

The end that's funny as hell to me

[jmowreader]

11. "What do you do for a living?" The young lady was asked

“I bail out portable toilets by hand.”

“I thought you were President Trump’s press secretary.”

“There’s a difference?”

[Karadeniz]

13. Breaking news! Triple crown winner, Justify, will not accept Donald Trump's invitation to be

Recognized at the White House. "If I'd wanted to see a horse's ass, I would have come in second place."

LOVE that one!

[Martin Eden]

26. Yep, that one's in the top tier!

[red dog 1]

16. Why won't the Republicans ever impeach Trump?

Because Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

[red dog 1]

17. What happens when Trump takes Viagra?

He grows taller.

[red dog 1]

18. What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

Donald Trump's tie.

[red dog 1]

19. Wanna' hear a racist joke?

Donald Trump!

[red dog 1]

20. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a horse's ass?

Nothing! (It was a trick question)

[red dog 1]

21. It's understandable that Donald Trump doesn't like immigrants,

Last edited Fri Apr 24, 2020, 04:48 PM - Edit history (1)

after all, an illegal worker has been living on top of his head for the past 25 years.

[red dog 1]

22. What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

[red dog 1]

23. What's the difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo the Clown has real hair on his head.

[red dog 1]

24. Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

[Martin Eden]

25. What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

[red dog 1]

27. What's the difference between Trump and a sewage treatment plant?

Nothing..they're both full of crap.

[red dog 1]

28. Donald Trump is the weak man's version of a strong man.

[red dog 1]

29. Donald Trump likes to sue people.

He should sue whoever did that to his face.

[red dog 1]

30. Why are Trump's ties so long?

Because they go all the way to Russia.

[red dog 1]

31. What is orange, bald, and smells like poo?

A baboon's ass and Donald Trump!

[red dog 1]

32. What's the difference between Trump and a flying pig?

The letter "F"

[red dog 1]

33. On the Coronavirus

(Trump)..He did promise "America First"

[red dog 1]

34. You know why Trump loves holding his hate rallies?

Because it's the only place where he isn't the dumbest person in the room.

[red dog 1]

35. What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek?

Trump 2020!

[red dog 1]

36. Why did Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

[red dog 1]

37. Trump is a multi-faceted guy!

He's a
- Liar
- Narcissist
- Racist
- Tax cheat
- Draft-dodger
- Deadbeat
- Russian agent
- Rapist

[red dog 1]

38. What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol.

[red dog 1]

39. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought,
while the other shows up when it rains.

[red dog 1]

40. TRUMP 2020

20 years for treason & 20 years for obstruction of justice

[red dog 1]

41. Trump was once asked if he was excited about Black Friday.

He answered: "Wait a minute, they get a day too?"

(Albert Brooks)

[red dog 1]

42. Not my favorite Trump joke, but

"It is a little ironic that the Miss USA Beauty Pageant was overseen by one of the ugliest souls on the planet"

(John Oliver)

[red dog 1]

43. Trump got a draft deferment for bone spurs and Inner-Rectum Cranial Inversion,

which means his head is up his ass.

[red dog 1]

44. Trump is going too far!

He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.

[red dog 1]

45. "Say, here's an idea!

Let's turn America's nukes over to a bad-tempered asshole with no knowledge of foreign policy?
What could go wrong?"

Stephen King

[red dog 1]

46. I'm waiting to see if anyone chooses to post "Ghosts in the White House"

(I guess I'll have to try if no one else does in the next couple of days; but my memory isn't that good, so I'll probably not do it too well)

[red dog 1]

47. John Fugelsang quote on Trump:

"You can't just go and replace generals when you feel like it, Donald J. Trump.
They're not campaign managers, or wives."

[red dog 1]

48. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a turkey?

One is an obnoxious creature that waddles around all day squawking, while the other is a type of bird.

[red dog 1]

49. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a steamy pile of fresh dog shit?

Nothing! (It was a trick question)

[red dog 1]

50. Donald Trump has all the charm of a turd that won't flush!

[red dog 1]

51. From now on, all Christians who support Donald Trump will be known as Bible Trumpers.

[Gamutman]

52. Not a joke per se, but...

There's this Downfall parody video I made which I think is pretty funny.

[Rhiannon12866]

53. That's terrific! Thanks so much for sharing!

And welcome to DU!

[red dog 1]

54. My favorite Trump joke is called "Ghosts in the White House"

[red dog 1]

55. "Bunker Boy" suggested that injecting bleach into the body might cure Coronavirus,

Perhaps if he injected alphabet soup into his body he might start forming coherent sentences.

[ProcureTheReceptacle]

56. Parade

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Did I look good?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

57. Comrade Comarade

Knock Knock.....

Who is there

Banana, Knock knock....

WHO IS THERE??!

Banana, KNOCK KNOCK....

ARGH WHO IS THERE

ORANGE COMRADE happy I didn't say Banana?

[red dog 1]

58. What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baboon's ass?

A baboon's ass is better looking.

[red dog 1]

59. Q) What does Trump have beside money?

A) Three chins.

[red dog 1]

60. What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama.

[red dog 1]

61. Donald Trump is so dumb, the other day he fell UP a flight of stairs!

[red dog 1]

62. Spanky is so dumb, he thought Ertha Kitt was a set of graden tools.

[red dog 1]

63. Trump is so dumb he thinks an innuendo is a suppository.

[red dog 1]

64. Trump is so dumb, he once called a cigar store to ask: "Do you have Prince Al Hirt in a can?"

[red dog 1]

65. Trump is so dumb he thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

[red dog 1]

66. Trump is so dumb he installed a peephole in a glass door.