I usually save my mental meandering for Sunday nights. After hiking with the club,
tv watching is over and whatever else is done for the day. And I sit down and think of the stuff that went on in my head during the week and write about it. Sometimes I hit "send."" Other times, I keep it to myself.
Today, it is about lovers long gone and lovers, still in my life but not as lovers. ---- I still think about them. All of them. They enriched my life. Some ended on the best of terms and other left me sad.
And two have stayed in my life for over fifty years and we are still friends but not sexually intimate. This came up tonight when we spoke by phone to set up a meeting for filling in each other about our lives. The three of use, her, her husband and I are friends. We only see each other every other month since they moved last year, about 80 miles away.
We were going to get together next week to try a new brew pub and that's what today's call was about. But her husband just got diagnosed with urinary tract problems and is having surgery in a couple of weeks. I will offer whatever support she needs...hand holding during her husband's surgery or a ride or whatever.
They have an open marriage and in their 80's, are still sexually active, outside of their marriage.
We do not have sex anymore. My choice. But I still enjoy a warm hug and kiss when I see her.
I miss the excitement and potential of a new love, like when I was in my 30's and 40's and before herpes and H.I.V.
My last love lasted 23 years, until cancer. We were monogamous. I miss her.
Still, I value my two earlier lovers. One who is my best friend. The other, who I hope I can be of comfort to in the next couple of weeks.
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