aging love.

[mopinko]

so, i'm 67, divorced, and quite sick of being alone.
the last couple years, i've formed a very affectionate friendship w a 50 yo man. i've flirted w him quite a bit. about a month ago, i was at his place for a couple hours, and we ended up making out on his couch.
afterward he freaked out. 'it was a big mistake'.
now, i assumed my age was at least a part of that, but he pretty much clammed up, asked me to let it go. so i have to guess. it looked for a while like the friendship was screwed, but i refused to 'let it go' as much as i could and we're back on track.

well, for reasons, he set me up w a friend. now, this guy is nothing like him, but a lot like my ex. he's not interested anyway, as he's already in a relationship w a younger woman that he has high hopes for.
the only thing i have in common w this guy is our age. he's 68. but he feels like a geezer to me.
i'm forced to conclude that this silliness is all about a number, period.
i'm frankly shocked because he doesnt have another -ism to his name.

and there it is- ageism's first big blow. i'm sick and fuming.
this feels like a stupid post to make. but imma post it anyway.
i try not to rail at the fates about where i am in life right now. there's a lot of good and bad. but this one just makes me want to howl at the moon.

[niyad]

1. (((((((((((((mopinko))))))))))))) I have nothing helpful to say, but am here.

[mopinko]

3. i'll be fine, i just need to get out of the damn house.

right now my world is way too narrow.

[whathehell]

2. Being in your age range, l can definitely relate

to both your story and your feeling. It's not a stupid point at all.

.

[KarenS]

4. just sending you a ((hug))

and I had a random thought,,,, it may or may not apply here but is there a possibility that this is about him physically?? That he cannot act on those kind of impulses?

[mopinko]

5. kinda doubt it.

i'm the one who cut it off. we left it, explicitly, at- maybe.
but honestly, i've never known a man that bothered by that to turn it down.

there is a younger lady he's 'chasing'. but she's runnin. i ribbed him about that, again, the other day. i got a face. it's been a couple months...

[KarenS]

6. Then just ((hugs)) to you,,,,

and rereading this thread,,,,, then do widen your world,,,, be creative,,,,, spend your energy on something else,,,, you never know what can happen when you aren't looking!!

[mopinko]

7. well, that's sort of the irritating thing here.

i've been taking voice lessons for 2 yrs now, and the guy is a musician. i'm dying for someone to sing w. he knows this. we have heavily overlapping tastes in music.

he's playing at an irish pub this weekend. i plan to go see him. my son just moved back home, and i've been meaning to check the place out. it's a rly homey place, and i'm sure i'll be comfortable going there alone once i meet folks.
i know about 100 irish drinking songs. i joke that i'm doing this so i can sing for pints and proposals. they have irish music every sunday. i'm quite sure my people are there.

[enough]

9. Sounds like a great idea 👍😊

[MLAA]

8. It has been so hard to get out with the pandemic. Wondering if there are any

outside groups you would be interested in that will give you a social outlet? Like a walking/hiking group. Or another idea is the local rec center.

I live in a desert clime so my daily hour or two walking outside ends during the summer . I recently started going to a nearby park’s rec center where they have an in walking loop and also an area for exercise equipment. It’s a reasonable fee for seniors. It primarily attracts seniors and there seem to be quite a range of convivial, friendly men using the equipment and socializing. Just a thought ❤️.


One more thing: there is a pickle ball league at the rec center and damn those people seem to have a lot of fun! Again, at this rec center the participants tend to be an over 50 crowd!

[mopinko]

13. i have my ears open for a choir.

most def by xmas, i want to find a group.
even before the voice lessons, i was a hospice volunteer and singing carols w for the patients was a ritual. i was shocked how well our creaky voices were accepted.
i know at least one group of politicos who do it. i'll poke them if i dont find something.

but there are more than a few irish pubs in chicago, and most of them encourage singin.
i think that's where my tribe is.

[MLAA]

17. Good Luck! Keep us posted on your progress!

[mopinko]

18. musical accompaniment-

[slightlv]

10. I feel for you...

I'm sending you hugs, too. I still have my hubby, and am happily (for the most part) married, tho there are days! But I've always gotten along with guys that are anywhere from 10-15 years younger than I am. I like their vitality and their mental agility. Even today, some of my best friends are male who are in that age range for just those reasons. Luckily, hubs doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. And we've a wide group of friends who get together regularly. My problem, is I LOOK my age, and it drives me crazy. I don't FEEL 67 and I HATE looking like it, especially in my face. No one but hubs is going to see me naked, so it's no big deal that gravity has done her worst. I used to be 187; I now weight 92 pounds soaking wet. But my face shows my age. "Wisdom" lines everywhere. We're not rich enough to do anything about it, and I hate to feel that vain. I always thought I'd take aging so much more graciously. I feel so stupid, ya know? But I didn't know it'd be like THIS!!! No one told me all the changes my body would go through!!!

Did anyone else get surprised by the changes? What was your biggest surprise? Mine was finding my butt down around my knees one day! (LOL)

[ggma]

11. I was shocked

at seeing a picture of myself with my "used to was" decent bust on my tummy. I've been alone for more than 20 years, and while I'm not actively looking, I do miss being touched/held by someone other than family. So I feel this post.

ggma

[mopinko]

12. yeah, he looks like a baby.

i've referred to him as a kid from the get go. not a wrinkle, not 1 grey hair.

i think i look my age, but people always profess surprise when i give them the number.
i too have lost a lot of weight since 20. now i'm getting saggy. there's a couple yoga postures where i close my eyes.
the subject came up at the hook up, and i said- yeah. i've lost too much. my ass isnt as sweet as it used to be. i should have known from the looks i got what the score was. lol.
have a bit of turkey neck, but that beats the extra chins.
the boobs always did point at the floor. this did make me think it moght be time to go ahead and get that boob job, but it was a fleeting thought, as always. i hear ya tho.
'
i never have liked the face in the mirror, mostly. my family convinced me i was ugly early on and i never quite unlearned that. i'm a little more forgiving now.

[slightlv]

14. I'm assuming you got "the talk"

when you hit puberty (or there about)... there ought to be someone to talk about what happens to us at perimenopause and later! We all hear talk about the hot flashes, etc. But no one talks about that first white hair down there... or what you can do when your butt sags or your boobs hit your waist. Like, surely there were early exercises we could have done to forestall some of the changes a little bit, maybe? Would have been nice to know. Oh, well. Like I said, ain't no one gonna see me without clothes but hubs. And about the only way I can describe it now is that old Stephen King novel "Bag o' Bones." I'm not to the point of laughing about it yet, but I do think it's a mean trick the Universe played, as many years as I spent dieting and at the point where gravity hit, I suddenly dropped all the tonnage without trying! I'm so glad my husband married for my intellect and it's still about as sharp as it's ever been... especially since these days I have to keep it up for the both of us, -and- for my mom, too.

mopinko, I'd love to give you a hug and let you know just how loved you are. This stage of life didn't come with any operating manual for any of us, and we're all feeling our way around it. I got lucky with our group, in that we've been together, most of us now, for nearly 40 years for some of us... the least of us for 30. That's a pretty tight group. We've seen the age creep up on all of us, and tho we're not together all the time, if one's truly in need, we know we only need to yell loud enough, and someone will be there to help. I wish that kind of love and support for you and for everyone here. And believe me, I know how very lucky I am. My husband has had 3 heart attacks. I know I could lose him at any time; every day with him is precious; even those where he drives me insane. Like this morning. 30 minutes to roust him to get him to his Dr.'s appt. God give me strength!

[lillypaddle]

15. Good on you for posting your feelings

I don't know what kind of "hump" I got over, but at 74 I am relieved and content not to have to deal with a man living in close proximity with me. But that's just me. Even so, somehow I do understand how you feel. Have you tried dating sites for seniors? Just a thought.

Anyway, it's his problem, not yours, so please don't take on his baggage. You sound active and engaged, and lovely. His loss.

[mopinko]

16. not real interested in the apps.

spent too much time in the hot tub here to trust what i see online.
i've met a couple people on fb, reconnected a couple times.

the time tested- hanging out in bars- is the lowest hanging fruit here. met both my hubs that way, but imma try it anyway.
i live in a great hood. quirky af. my tribe is out there.

i have to say, tho, part of me is not sorry that 2020 played out largely w/o witnesses. the part that was above ground was bad enough.