Ladies - anyone else have a problem with an elder brother who is cruel to you?

[Peregrine Took]

There's just the two of us left now in our natal family and the few interactions we have leave me feeling so miserable.
.
He jibes me at everything I say or try to say. He accuses me of screwing everything up, of talking too much, of making inappropriate comments, etc.

My husband can't stand that I still try to talk to him but there were points in my life where he wasn't so mean (he always was a little mean) and he helped me quite a bit through periods in my life when I was lost.

Now that we are both seniors I feel I must still try to maintain a relationship with him.

He lives alone like a hermit, has no friends (doesn't want any) and is obsessed with himself and his health.

I just don't understand why he enjoys hurting me so much and seems to revel in these verbal cuts he's always giving me.
He is a mysogonist and always has been but he's never been this mean before.

Ladies, do any of you have a cruel older brother like this?

Thank you.

[irisblue]

1. I have 2 younger brothers, one has a mean mouth

One is tolerable.
I rarely physically interact with either.
Not exactly what you asked though.

[kimbutgar]

2. He sounds like he's jealous of you and takes great enjoyment in making you uncomfortable

I know he’s your only living relative but you should make the phone ring one way. Have him call you. I knew someone that had the same dynamics in their Family and she said she had to back away from him.

[Sanity Claws]

3. Mean in a different way

I have an older brother who used to exclude me from things.
The last time I saw him, my father, and other brother was a Christmas holiday. They went out Christmas morning and excluded me. No joke.
I was so hurt. It took a long time to process what happened, about how this was just like so many other things in the past. After six months, I cut off all contact with them. That was 15 years ago and I don't regret it. I just didn't fit in that family and that older brother made sure I knew that. The other two didn't care.

[lunasun]

11. + imagine all the wastes of time and surprise disappointments you avoided by not letting it go on

That’s what I mention to younger people contemplating a disconnect. Don’t let it keep dragging on
if you are miserable every time you meet or talk to them just cuz family Imo

[Frustratedlady]

4. I've always had the belief that when a person's personality takes a strange turn...

their health is usually the answer.

It doesn't sound like you would be able to get him to a doctor for an opinion, but if he is so concerned about his health, maybe it would be worth a try.

I had a relative who got more than a bit touchy and he ended up with colon cancer. Once he found out, he had his surgery and returned to normal as far as his personality.

Good luck!

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

5. I have an older brother,

he's 77, I'm 71, who has always been a bully.

Years ago I simply started standing up to him and he backed off. My sisters, one older, one younger, didn't do so and he continued to bully them.

Essentially I have almost no contact with him. He's also a Trumper and that explains a lot.

[Peregrine Took]

8. My husband tells me that all the time - stand up to him.

He didn't talk to me for 20 years until a few years ago.
'Woudn't even say hello on the street.
He lived alone in the same studio apartment for 30+ years - the latter time totally in the dark.
He sat in the kitchen and ate his frozen meals on a little stool. The place was filthy even though it was in a ritzy neighborhood.
He is a millionaire but not quiet a hoarder - almost. He has a Master's degree and had a high level professional job.

Anyway, I know if I ever do tell him off, i.e.. how hurt i am that will be the end of us. At least now the door is still open a little bit.

He is mentally ill I know- but, other than being super thin if you met him you might not even realize how odd he is. Can be quite charming and amusing to strangers but horrid to me.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

10. Bullies are really cowards.

Almost always they're physically larger than those they bully, and especially if you're a younger sister, he was always bigger growing up, and probably still is.

There's a reason the saying "Pick on someone your own size" exists.

[elleng]

6. No, not at all.

I'm 5 years older than my brother, and sadly we're separated by geography.

I'm watching my grandchildren grow, have 2 grandsons (age 6) who love their younger sisters; I can't imagine any other relationship.

[Laffy Kat]

7. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Abuse is abuse, though. I guess I'd rethink maintaining a relationship with him. It doesn't sound like he's interested in changing.

[MLAA]

9. My brother is a evangelical, hypocritical trumpet

so I have almost no contact. Text on birthdays and that’s about it. I say tell him you are tired of him being an asshole and see how he reacts.

[Bev54]

12. Not cruel to me but he and my older sister

are both bigots and racists so we do not see eye to eye at all and basically they have no interest in my life so I have as little contact as possible. It is a shame but I am on good terms with my nieces because they understand their parents and do not agree but they try to keep it peaceful for their families.

[Skittles]

13. he needs a mental health evaluation

alas, he is the kind of person who will absolutely refuse to get one

[LakeArenal]

14. Four years older, mine would wipe booger's onme

Bowling balls, fish hooks, burns...

Made up a song to the tune of Felix the Cat

Mary the fat, the fattiest fatty the fat, you’ll laugh so hard your sides will ache when you see Mary the fatty cake...

All the kids in the neighbor sang it.

A few years ago I reminded him he was a bully to me and that was not normal. He did not take it well.

About a year ago I finally gave up. No contact. Last two times were initiated by my. I don’t regret it. I feel bad my dad would be sad to know it. But otherwise.

Luckily my in laws are plentiful loving and accepting. I miss my mil more than my own mom.