About loneliness among seniors

[question everything]

There is a long story about it, below.

But I think that it is not so much of whether one is married, or co-habit with others. I think that it is support from outside the home.

I am reading a book called "Women in Sunlight" describing three women who went to an open house of a retirement community. None is impressed and they click and ending up renting a villa in Tuscany. One of them observed that it was strange to form new friendship at their age - around 70 - but that other friends die, or get sick, or move away..

We moved many times. Job termination, seeking something better, and we ended up not forming any new ties. Yes, we have our neighbors that we nod and wave but this is it. Perhaps it is us, perhaps it is the community where we moved but there are people who have lived here for many years and have no interest in forming new ties.

And I think, really, it started with the baby boomers. Our fathers worked for the same employer for 30 or more years, then retired with nice, generous pension and medical care. I started to say traditionally but am not sure about that. I don't know how long people were employees forking for employers. A little before WWII?

But we, the boomers, were not going to be tied for the same employer, did not see the benefit of "loyalty" and employers, in turn, do not see the benefit of "loyalty" to employees.

We form friendship, or meet new acquaintances online but this is really different. There are places here that offer various activities for seniors and, I think, starting in 2019, I will go look at their menu.

[at140]

1. I noticed the lonely seniors in US soon after arriving

from India. I was on a student visa studying for masters degree at Univ of Iowa. To support myself, I worked part time in the university hospital. One of my jobs was to distribute food trays to patients. Most patients were very old and I seldom noticed any visitors for them.

Back home, my very old grandfather lived with my parents. He was never lonely.

[question everything]

3. Except that here, as detailed in the story, below, many have never married

or divorced, or estranged from their children so, yes, no one is coming to visit or, worse, care

Also, families are spread across the country and for a child to visit an aging parent s/he has to take a leave of absence from the job, or worry about leaving children behind.

[at140]

4. In days gone by, many grandparents lived with their children.

Even when I came here in 1960, some of my American friends had their retired parents living with them. Now-a-days that is rare. Many seniors live in assisted living houses. Others just want to live alone. There is a 75 year old woman in my condo building who lives alone while she has a daughter & a son less than one hour's drive away.

Back in India, before 1960, grandparents lived with their son & daughter-in-law. My own grandfather
lived with us in my father's house. But there was no assisted living there.

Now in America working people move on the average every 7 years, and do not bring their parents along, for whatever reason. Older Americans want their own spacious house instead of being cramped in one room with their kids.

[question everything]

7. Life style has changed

When I was growing up we, the kids, always shares a room with one another, or with an aunt or an uncle that lived with us for a while. The rooms were larger, to accommodate two beds and desks to work on our homework.

But things changed, Rooms got smaller so that each child would have his or her "privacy," to be behind closed door, working on a computer or watching TV or, now, playing video games. I am not a sociologist but I suspect that such did not help to create cohesiveness between family members. And, as I mentioned above, many of us moved away, often half a continent or more.

And people do not just move away. Again, as I've stated in my OP, one loses a job and one has to go where one can find a new job, especially if one works in a special field.

[no_hypocrisy]

2. I'm in my early 60s. My college friends and I are starting to talk about going Golden Girls

within a decade. We know each other, have passed the test of cohabitation, and can rely on each other. While I'm more comfortable alone, I can swing in the other direction for the remaining years. I have to get rid of a lot of stuff though, starting now, to do this.

[at140]

5. Do it! Lot less lonely than living alone! nt

[no_hypocrisy]

6. This sounds really cynical, but the primary reason I don't want to end up in a nursing home is

not loneliness. I don't want to be uber-medicated where I no longer can be independent and aware. I've seen this too many times with people I know are fine when they register on the first day and when I've visited them shortly thereafter, they are in another world.