Reading Dear Abby today

[Marthe48]

I learned that I'm aging in place. Here I thought I just didn't want to move, but I'm actually in charge of my golden age! When my Mom lived with us, we added some safety features and removed fall hazards, so I'm ahead of the game.

In other news, I've decided to think of my house as a work of art. Each array of clutter, each unfinished project, each stuffed closet, each room, is an interactive and vivid statement of a life if not tidy, at least well-lived.

These insights have elevated my mood to the point that I don't care if I win the Power Ball jackpot or not!

Happy Saturday, my friends!

[marble falls]

1. We've become engaged in de-acquisitioning our "art". The kids seem to have no taste for that 'art' ...

... the philistines!

[Marthe48]

2. I was doing that same reason

But I think I'll put a sign up outside touting Whole House Art, a tour of the beauty of life. And charge admission! I might never put declutter on my chore list again! lol

[marble falls]

3. Put a reasonable price on it. Let them bargain you down. The more you engage the sucke ... bargain hunters ...

... the more you sell!

[BOSSHOG]

16. We're confident

Our New Orleans and Mardi Gras Art will find homes when the time comes but not until. They come alive once again every morning I see them as if for the first time.

[marble falls]

28. Not many of us so prescient in our choices as yourselves!

[Marthe48]

30. I started collecting when I was 8

We lived with my grandmother, my Dad's mother. I'd get stuff out of the cupboards and take them to my room. They kept everything, so there were some nice old things tucked away.

I've ended up with some wonderful things, and I'm sure if the kids auction the contents, they will be glad I didn't donate to the bare walls

[Trueblue Texan]

4. I wrote a book just for folks like you Marthe48! nt

[AnnaLee]

5. I use breakfast to relieve any frustration and disappointment

that I, once again, woke up this morning still alive and facing another day. So I pulled out of the freezer the McDonald's strawberry shake I ordered at drive thru day before yesterday and had it for breakfast. Made everything a little bit better.

[AllaN01Bear]

6. haventt heard that byline in ages . :) i agree with u.

[Marthe48]

7. I read Dear Abby and Miss Manners every day

On UExpress

Even though the current Dear Abby is Jeanne Phillips, grandmother of dean phillips.

[Martin Eden]

8. Dear Abbey, Dear Abbey, my fountain pen leaks

My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks

(thanks for making me think of John Prine this morning)

[Midnight Writer]

21. Dear Martin, Dear Martin, you have no complaint. You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't.

[Martin Eden]

25. So listen up buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck, and knocking on wood.

[homegirl]

9. Thank you..

for sharing. After a lifetime of acquisition it is time to sort, discard, designate future recipients, and to clear out the clutter. I received the unexpected gift of a great niece staying with me for a week, she insisted on supervising the clean out of that second car space in the garage! WOW! Has given me the incentive to tackle stored items, just a bit at a time! Feels good!

No timeline and no pressure!

[OMGWTF]

11. We took a downsizing class when we moved from our big house to a condo.

The big takeaway: Don’t haunt your family with your junk from the grave. Get rid of the junk and take a photo of things as a memory. I’ve had friends who had to clean out their parents’ houses and it was a nightmare.

[pat_k]

43. Lightening is great if it is for you.

If not motivated to on your own behalf, leave things be.

Since my mother's death, my step-father has been kicking himself for not doing enough to clear out "so you don't have to."

If he wants to lighten up for himself, great. But I would so much prefer he relax and step pressuring himself. He refuses help, so I just end up feeling crappy that he is seemingly torturing himself "on my account." I try to explain that witnessing how hard he is being on himself is causing me far more pain in the present than anything I would need to deal with as executer.

Something more is going on and I'm at a bit of a loss.

[IbogaProject]

10. Please work on culling your possesions

Not to do without but to be mindful of anyone coming after you. The Swedish have a formal practice that might be more Detailed. döstädning

[Marthe48]

14. Long story short

I've been downsizing since 2014. I had a booth for 18 months. Even though it was a good way to sell things I didn't want, I closed it to protest the results of the last election. With the idea that I won't support felon and his base in any way.

Anyway, I've still got a lot of stuff, and I've been bogged down with getting rid of it. My insight today really cheered me up, and while I'll get back on the horse, I needed an emotional break from the unhappy rut I'm in. So refreshing to have a different viewpoint, even for a little while.

[homegirl]

26. Know how you feel..

but I reviewed my life from the beginning. Born middle of the Great Depression, childhood to age 10 dominated by WW2. Sadly, missed the hippy era, JFK, MLK and RFK assassinations, Kent State and the ultimate horror- Donald J. Trump. So, the really bad part it turns out begins with DJT. Other than that I have lived in the Golden Age of the USA.

[IbogaProject]

31. Good, aging in place is the best

It is more affordable and the senior health plans will increase the supports for as long as it is feasable to keep someone in their home.

[pat_k]

44. No need to "get back on the horse"

...unless you are doing it for you, and no one else.

[Marthe48]

45. Thank you pat_k

nice way to start the morning

[radical noodle]

24. There's a Swedish death cleaning group on Facebook

that I follow. I was one who had to deal with piles of "treasures" to go through after the deaths of relatives. I came up with my own solutions at the time but this group helps keep me from acquiring more stuff.

[Marthe48]

27. I stopped buying, accepting things

If I want to tame the acquisition bug, I just unpack a box.

[marble falls]

29. I have, too. VERY difficult, but it finally took.

[radical noodle]

42. I only buy if something similar is going to be donated elsewhere

The gifts are still my downfall. I accept these gifts with the love with which they were given, then wonder where I will put them.

[MLAA]

12. You really made me smile! You have quite the way with words. Please continue to share your musings and advice!

[Marthe48]

32. Thanks for the kind words

I haven't felt this good for awhile. Glad it reflected in my post!

[patphil]

13. I'll be 79 in a month, and I don't live a tidy life either. But it's well enough lived as is.

And I certainly don't care if I won that 1.7 billion dollar Power Ball jackpot. Give me a 6 million dollar Lotto win and I'd be quite satisfied.
Living in place is fine, but my wife and I will probably have to move to a single story house soon. It's the stairs that concern us.

[Marthe48]

15. Thank you patphil!

I played Power ball for the first time in over a year, enjoying fantasizing about winning. Actually, thinking about winning a big jackpot led me to the idea of calling my house a work of art. If I won that kind of money, I would still like my house, but I wouldn't be here lol

If I want to stay here after stairs become a problem, all i have to do is get a washer/dryer installed on the main floor. Then I can nail the basement shut and pretend it isn't there!

[Martin68]

17. I feel the same way about our house. It is comforting and comfortable being surrounded by a lifetime of

memories.

[usonian]

18. You realize, of course, that Abby, Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jeanne Phillips) died in 2013,

and you are getting messages from beyond (or her successors).

Well, if your house is a work of art, my place is the freaking Louvre!!

IN 1000 PIECES

That said, I've been living alone in a 3 bedroom place with 7 acres of steep land to care for, and it's really time to move near family and stores and services, less the 50 mile drive. It's pretty clear what I haven't used in 10 years, and will never use (heck, I'm 76.5) so downsizing is mostly logical, but tedious.

I found electronic versions of a few hundred pounds of books that I had paid for, so that helps. There may be a whole lot of "little libraries" showing up soon.

I took a lot of personal abuse, when I was married (ahem), about my possessions, but a great deal were and are, things with utilitarian value, for when things break and go wrong, and stores are closed. Now, I can make decisions based just on logic. The router wasn't "junk" when it helped me repair the cap on the back fence. (but was considered junk soon thereafter)



P.S. If you think about stuff as "trip hazards" and not "clutter", it helps.
P.P.S. When in the thrift store, I snap photos of cool and funky objects, rather than buying them. Logical!

[Marthe48]

20. I laughed at your post

And enjoyed your comments, esp. the Louvre jigsaw puzzle.

I was sure I was reading Jeanne Phillips and checked. Her mother Pauline (original Dear Abby) passed away in 2013. Jeanne Phillips, her daughter, is still alive, at age 82 or 83 (b. 1942)

[usonian]

22. Mission Accomplished.

Starting the day with a chuckle always helps.

A chuckle shared is a chuckle doubled (or tripled or even more!)

Best wishes and best of luck.

[ShazzieB]

33. Yes, Jeanne Phillips is the current Dear Abby, not the original one.

She is still writing the column, as far as I know. I stopped following it a long time ago, as I found other advice columnists whose style I enjoy more, but both Abbys, mother and daughter, have done good work.

[Marthe48]

34. I tried others

Some of the other columns have a harsh tone to their replies. Dear Abby rarely has that edge, although I often wonder how they writers arrive at their advice. I like Miss Manners because sometimes, I learn more about social customs and whether they are still observed or retired.

[ShazzieB]

36. Two of the all time best, imo, are Carolyn Hax and Captain Awkward.

Hax was the main reason I dragged my feet about canceling my WaPo subscription for as long as I did, but financial pressures finally won out. Fortunately, the Captain is still available on line for free, although she hasn't been very active for a while.

Slate has a wide array of advice columns these days. They vary in style and quality, and I like some of them a lot more than others, but there's always interesting stuff there. I'm also a big fan of Alison Green at askamanager.com. AAM is technically a workplace advice column, but many of the issues raised are applicable to getting along with other humans in a variety of contexts, and the comment section is the best.

[Marthe48]

37. Try UExpress

I think I've seen Caroline Hax on there. Haven't heard of Captain Awkward.

[ShazzieB]

39. Thanks, ill check that out!

Captain Awkward can be found at https://captainawkward.com/

[soldierant]

35. And Pauline's sister Esther

(and I want to say twin sister but I'm not 100% sure) was Ann Landers.

Pauline (Popo) was named Pauline Esther, and Esther (Eppie) was named Esther Pauline - which suggests they were twins, but isn't conclusive.

[Marthe48]

38. I read Ann Landers before I read Abby

I started reading the advice columns when I was in grade school. They helped me understand human behavior. Still help.

[GoneOffShore]

19. On est bien la.

We are good here.

[JTOL]

23. Well, I hope you do win!

enough said.

[Skittles]

40. I loved Dear Abby and Ann Landers

I give a lot of credit to those gals, I feel like a lot of their good advice rubbed off on me

[Ruby the Liberal]

41. What a joyful post

This resonates with me as well.