Suddenly people are approaching me

[cyclonefence]

with "Do you need help, darling?" in the grocery store. Something about my appearance or demeanor has changed, all of a sudden, to make me look/seem more decrepit than I am, and I want to know what it is.

I am a 77-year-old woman, I walk with a cane when I'm out of my house (but not in the store--the cart is my walker!). I have tremors (maybe they have suddenly worsened; I can't tell). Until the other day, I had a plastic brace on my right wrist (elective surgery), but the remarks have continued since the brace was removed.

The manicurist asked me if I drove. I said yes, and I asked her if that made her feel less safe on the road, and she just smiled. Then she asked me if I cook, for glob's sake, and I said yes, that in fact some of the junk under my fingernails was pie dough from the tomato galette I had made that morning. She wanted to know if I lived alone (I don't; my husband and I have been married 53 years or something)--in short, she telegraphed pretty clearly that I was too old to be out on my own.

My doctor assures me I have all my marbles (whew), so I'm not imagining this. Has anybody else experienced this kind of thing, where all of a sudden people treat you like you're really, really old and feeble? I mean, I am really old--not really, *really* old, but old--but why now are people starting to point this out to me?

[snowybirdie]

1. Wer'e experiencing something

Similar. Hubby had a cognitive test last year. Didn't do too well on it. He still doesn't realize he's impaired. Perhaps you might want to see your physician about this? They can schedule this simple non invasive test? Good luck. Knowledge is power.

[cyclonefence]

5. I had a cognitive test

as part of my annual physical and passed with flying colors. I have all my marbles. Maybe I look like I'm confused--sometimes I am: like whatever happened to the mixed nuts I like? One of the offers to help came when I was standing in the nuts department (a clue, perhaps) staring intently as I searched the shelves for a product I wanted, and it wasn't there. Another time was when I was wrestling a watermelon out of a bin--but the guy didn't offer to help me then, only after I'd gotten the melon into my cart. And I didn't need his help anyway.

I think something else is going on with my appearance (seems the same to me) and/or my demeanor (ditto) that wasn't happening two months ago. Instant hyper-aging? I have all my teeth, and my hair hasn't turned gray (thanks to my father's genes). I do have poor posture, but I've always had poor posture. Maybe I'm hunching over more.

[CurtEastPoint]

9. I am not alone when standing in WMt or Costco looking for something that USED to be on that aisle! It's a plot!

[Lulu KC]

22. IT IS A PLOT!

They rearrange everything once in a while to boost sales. It is irritating and just slows me down so much. It's disorienting. It's part of the attention-deficit-culture and I don't need any help with that, thank you very much, capitalists.

[AllaN01Bear]

26. the stores move things around. even the employees get confused.

[Lifeafter70]

29. So true

I work at a local grocery store and just got back from a vacation. Took me longer to stock because while I was gone they rearranged the house lol.

[Siwsan]

12. I took that new cognitive test on a tablet

It was all about number patterns, what number fits or doesn't fit, what order they are in

All fine and good if you don't have dyslexia that's resulted in a life long problem with transposing numbers. Reading has never been a big issue because I'm a fast reader so if something doesn't make sense, I just re-read it. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way with numbers. I ALWAYS use a calculator to add up any numbers and do a double, sometimes triple check.

Anyway, mid way through my wellness check I was telling my new provider about the history of Alzheimer's on the maternal side of my family. He looked at me and smiled. 'After listening to you, I can see that you are fine.' Unfortunately, at the time I didn't mention the dyslexia issue. I have severe white coat anxiety, and that certainly didn't help, either.

If they want me to take that test, again, I'll mention my little 'issue'.

Funny thing is, the young medical assistant admitted she failed the test when she tried it.

[EverHopeful]

2. Maybe people are tired of all the unkindness that's become so common

and are trying to share kindness and care to turn the tide. Maybe they feel it's best to start with us older folks 'cause we seem less threatening. One can hope, no?

[cyclonefence]

3. Your handle says it all

I wish/hope that could be the case.

[arlyellowdog]

4. Yes! I first got lots of help after I lost my hair from chemo

Everyone was saying, “Can I help you, sir?” (I’m a woman). I’m convinced people do offer help to old men more. But, kind is kind. But, people still ask if I need help getting my groceries to the car even after my hair has returned. But, my grandson asked why and I said they are nice.

[cyclonefence]

6. Yes

I do appreciate the kindness of people offering to help, and I offer to help people when they can't reach something from a high shelf in the store, stuff like that. I know these offers of help are coming from a good place, and I do appreciate them.

But they are making me a little paranoid!

[multigraincracker]

15. Everyone is a little short....

on the day before payday.

[Croney]

7. Yes! This is happening to me, and I've been mulling it over too.

I used to laugh when offered a seat on the subway once in awhile, because that's "for old people and pregnant women." Now it's always, as soon as I enter. And I thank them and sit.

When I look in the mirror at home and smile, I see a vibrant woman in charge of her life. When I catch my reflection in a shop window, I see a slightly-stooped old woman shuffling along.

I'll be 80 in November but I'm very active. Still, even in my Zumba clothes, I'm treated by strangers like the crone I am. (My DU name is a combination of crone and crony.)

It sounds to me like you're doing just fine. You're driving, getting your nails done, and living your life. People see us through the eyes of youth.

(I would bristle at being called darling, that's for sure.)

[cyclonefence]

8. Come sit next to me

[Croney]

10. Gladly! 🙂

[mahatmakanejeeves]

11. " Then she asked me if I cook ..."

She’s concerned that you might spill a pan of scalding hot liquid on yourself.

Be thankful that people have your welfare in mind.

[cyclonefence]

13. Oh stop that

You know bladder control is not one of the joys of aging.

[Srkdqltr]

14. If i can't do something i let others do it. But if i can do i say " i have to do this to keep healthy" And thank them

Stairs are my problem, I can but it's not fast or pretty. I'm 83 , I drive, cook do laundry. I drive my granddaughter to cheer practice, (the pickup line at school is nutz. )
The blue cross called me to see what I needed, they were offering a nurse to do BP and check for hazard s in my house. I said only if they wash windows or would clean my garage. Of course not.

[yorkster]

16. Have experienced a bit of what you describe.

Also, I have found that in order to be taken seriously or in fact listened to, I resort to using a somewhat stronger voice and slightly more animated expression, etc. I do this without thinking. It just happens

A woman friend who is my age-upper 70's-described a general feeling of less
self-confidence. I can relate and maybe my
slight changes are a kind of defense mechanism.
We have to stand up for ourselves. Help when needed is great. It's the assumption that one is feeble that rankles.

Hang in there and keep speaking up and speaking out.

[LiberalBrooke]

17. I was in the hospital for surgery

And I was put in a “fall risk“ category because of my age. They did not want me to get out of bed on my own. Ugg, can I say I was not a very compliant patient. When I rang the bell to use the bathroom and they were slow, I just got up and went.

[Lulu KC]

23. Yes! The bracelet!

My husband are constantly saying to each other: Don't fall. And if we do? First words out of our mouths? "Don't tell (insert son's name)." If he finds out we fell down? Shipped off to The Home the next day.

[cyclonefence]

24. Yes!!

That happened to me, too. There was a damn buzzer under me both in the bed and in the chair, and if I got up to pee (all of three steps to the BR) all hell broke loose. I asked them why the fall restrictions, and they said it was *automatic* because of my age. Grrrrrr.

[ShazzieB]

30. There's a reason for the extra vigilance about falling in the hospital.

Last edited Sun Sep 29, 2024, 03:03 PM - Edit history (1)

After a certain age, the possibility of even a slight fall causing a catastrophe injury (such as a broken hip) increases significantly. I suspect hospitals are concerned both about patient welfare and the liability issues involved, if someone under their care suffers such an injury.

The extra caution is annoying, but I recommend not taking it personally.

[Lulu KC]

34. Yes, and also a stroke!

I was telling our son about this humorous exchange last night and he pointed out that if we fall after a certain point in the aging process, it can somehow precipitate a stroke. He's a doctor or I would have thought he was lying. But then I remembered my great aunts and uncles who were in their 90s when I was a child and there was kind of an odd progression from fall/broken hip to stroke. I always thought they fell down because they were having a stroke but yikes.

[ShazzieB]

35. Thanks for sharing that bit of information!

I did not know that, and I'm glad I do now.

[Duncanpup]

18. You're a wonderful person Cyclonefence

[Joinfortmill]

19. Well, I'm 75 and not quite getting what you are,

which sounds to me like kindness more than anything else. If I had to guess, I would say you must have an appearance of sweetness about you, and folks respond to that. How fortunate. It's a bit of a blessing when you think about it. People tend to ignore other folks or 'step over them'. Enjoy the kindness

[GreenWave]

20. Somebody calling me "darling" gets this response:

[cyclonefence]

32. If they really mean it, OK, but then

take me over behind the bakery display and let's make out.

[Lulu KC]

21. It started a few years ago for me

I might have been early 60s. OUT OF NOWHERE! I have no visible impairments (visible to me, anyway) at all. Suddenly at the grocery store it turned into, "Do you need help to get these to your car?" At people's houses: "Can you manage the stairs?" The only thing that had changed is that my hair had started more visibly greying.

It is so crazy. OTOH, I remember being offered the senior discount at the movie theatre and grocery store when I was still in my 50s. The employees offering them were about the same age as my children who were at home! I worked full-time! At first I was so shocked and insulted, then I started saying, "Sure, I'll take it." Why not?

It's the weirdest. I didn't see it coming at all.

[cyclonefence]

25. When I was in my forties

I found myself at the movie ticket line behind two ladies who got the senior discount. I told the twenty-something person at the counter that I wanted the senior discount, too--and I got it! I guess to her everyone over thirty qualified as a senior citizen.

[elleng]

27. Not exacttly. but I understand.

[doc03]

28. Teenagers open doors for me, do I look that

damned old?

[Ferrets are Cool]

31. I think it's wonderful that some people are so thoughtful.

Better than the alternative.

[Dear_Prudence]

33. Slow?

I am walking about 1/2 the normal speed and I get the helpful responses and the irritated responses. I am doing leg strengthening exercises daily now to try to recover some speed. Of course, I have gray hair so maybe I would get the same reactions if I were speedy. Who knows?