The Sandwich Generation Blues

[annabanana]

I am 62. Like many boomers, I didn't start my familly until late. I had my youngest child when I was 39.

Up until recently, I guess I just assumed that by the time my parents needed my help, my kids would be well on the path to independence.

Well, . . .assumptions, right?

Right now I am 1800 miles away from home attending to a dear, widowed Mom with a painful compression fracture. I don't know hown long I will be here, or how much help she will need.

Dear Husband, diabetic, with cane-requiring balance & mobility issues, and a reliance on prescribed pain meds, a 20-something son with emotional disturbances and a "self-medication" problem are in the nominal care of my OTHER 20-something son who is a (typical, I believe) "angry young man" who is a full time Junior at a college that he commutes to about 50 miles away.

Mom feels guilty about keeping me away from them. DH is determined not to give me a clear picture of how things are going at home (so I won't 'worry'). And my troubled son skypes me with how his father and brother hate him and things are never going to get better.

Thank God we have a natural "therapy dog"

[Scuba]

1. You too, huh? Luck.

[Duer 157099]

2. Aren't dogs great?

They are so blissfully unaware of all the problems we have. Well actually they are aware, but the minute we call their names or even look at them, they get a smile on their face and are ready to please.

I'm sorry to hear of all the difficulties you and your family are dealing with right now.

But a smiling puppy always helps.

[SheilaT]

3. When my mother was in what turned out

to be her final illness, and none of her six kids lived closer than 800 miles away, it made me think long and hard about how my life might play out.

I'm 63, my two sons are 25 and 29 -- another late bloomer boomer -- and they both live many miles away. I've already told them that someday I will relocate to be in the same city as one or the other of them, not because I'd expect to move in with either one, but just to make the end-of-life stuff a little easier. I'm divorced and don't ever expect to remarry, so I don't have an ailing spouse to worry about. Indeed, it's just those kinds of aging issues that make me very reluctant to even consider getting involved with anyone. I personally am remarkably healthy, and I don't go around saying, Oh you never know what might happen, because I won't invite negativity. But so many of my age mates have all sorts of health issues, and I'm quite frankly not willing to take them on.