What do I do now?

[no_hypocrisy]

My friend (adopted) just found his birth father and half brother. They were contacted via a DNA registry.

He's now looking for his mother. He has her name from his father.

The only record I have of her is a 1957 NYC phone directory. (Go figure.)

How can I find records of her marriage?

I've tried Google. I've tried ancestry.com (library version).

I may have a lead in her college records but it's a closed college for decades.

The birth records are closed shut like a clam in NY State, not that it would help other than maybe her parents' names.

We're so close! Any suggestions are welcome!

Thank you!

[LiberalEsto]

1. Do you know which borough she lived in?

The phone directory would probably have this.

In the past, only a close relative could obtain certain records, and you'd have to write to the correct borough. I don't know if things have changed since I did some family research about 20 years ago,

But check this web site, maybe they will have the info you want.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/services/vr.shtml

[HeiressofBickworth]

2. My suggestion:

Given that her last known address was NYC, a starting point would be the New York marriage licenses. See https://www.health.ny.gov/vital_records/genealogy.htm for NY's rules on obtaining a copy of a marriage license.

Check http://collegehistorygarden.blogspot.com/2014/12/new-york-colleges-that-have-closed.html for her closed college. If she went to college in another state, google that state and "colleges that have closed". It may lead you to where the records are currently kept.

You can also check the 1940 census to see if you can find her with her parents. That could give you some other leads.

Just keep in mind, his birth mother may not want to be found. Be sensitive to her right to privacy.

[CBHagman]

3. City directories are a great resource and so are newspapers.

I've spent quite a lot of time looking at city directories on microfilm at the Library of Congress. It was a good way of tracing ancestors around various cities, and it can be a way of identifying professions and employers.

Local newspapers are another great resource -- for wedding announcements, obituaries and more. There are times when I have narrowed an event down to a particular month and found it referenced in the newspaper.

Quite possibly there are other references to the mother via schools, clubs, houses of worship and more.

I can't guarantee that everything would be transcribed and/or digitized and online, but the name and the alma mater are good jumping-off points.

And as group members mentioned above, proceed with discretion. There are all sorts of reasons someone might not want to be found.

[me b zola]

4. Facebook worked for me

I had found my father first, the few clues that I had lead me to believe that I was given his surname. My father refused to tell me her first name even though through records I had found her "maiden" name~lol, he was scared that he owed back child support...derp.

If your friend's mother's surname is common, it will take longer. But use the clues that you have and send private messages to people whom you feel could be a lead...or even a family member. I had re-read the non-identifying info I had thousands of times, like a detective trying to put pieces together that told a story. I was able with just two short paragraphs to describe who I was looking for along with a short plea for assistance.

It is an emotionally taxing journey. Having to spam strangers for help is trying. Hang in there, you are being a very good friend to assist someone as they travel this path.

I was really coming close to finding my mother when I finally got the courage to ask a Search Angel to help me. Within one day my Angel found my mother. Here's the thing, a real search angel is absolutely free~no strings attached. Angels usually are adopted people or mothers of relinquishment who do this work because it is right and want absolutely nothing in return.

Finding family for adopted people is difficult because of the secrecy and altered legal documents. Take advantage of every opportunity, but there are lots of opportunists who would like to take advantage of people with little or no recourse. Anyone who wants money to help your friend search has no better resources than those angels who will do it for free.

Feel free to message me if you like. Best wishes.