My daughter's friend just had an abortion.

[Kath1]

Such a hard decision for her. Her Catholic parents wanted her to carry and she said no.

We were there for her, my daughter and I and a few of her friends. It was quick and painless. Planned Parenthood staff was so professional and caring. To see the huge smile on her face and the relief she felt after the procedure was unbelievable.

22 year old girl would have had her life ruined by this pregnancy. I am so glad she had access to a safe and legal abortion.

She is staying with us now as she gets it together. Her Catholic parents have disowned her. She is really depressed about that, understandably. Such a hard decision. Assholes! She can stay as long as she wants to. Her parents, who I know very well, are all pissed off at me for supporting her. What am I to do, let her live on the street?

It has been an amazing experience to actually be involved in choice. I speak it and promote it but to actually help someone felt fantastic.

[kimbutgar]

1. Thank you for being with her

My friend had an abortion years ago, I took her, waited, held her hand and gave her comfort that night.

Years later she met a great guy, married and had 3 kids.

[Kath1]

2. Thank you.

Although the "pro-life" propaganda would have you believe otherwise, abortion can be a beautiful and liberating experience, as it was for her.

[roguevalley]

29. tell her to read numbers 5 verses 11 to 33

She will be surprised.

[peace13]

57. Oh baby, that is the first time that I have read that.

There are many words to describe that, none of which I will type. Thanks for this. May all women read those words and decide that today is the day we take back the control of our lives and bodies!

[roguevalley]

85. and along the way, may the masses take back what God offers, unconditional love.

[JonLeibowitz]

77. Wow. Just wow. Am I to understand that as condoning some form of abortion "by the will of God"?

Or is it some perverse variant on the Salem witch trial technique of "dunking"?

I am completely at a loss for words.

[roguevalley]

84. here is my take on this. People make their own way and some use God as their shield against

reproach. The Jews obviously were not immune to abortion and used it when they needed it. If the priests and such knew the way to do it and had the formula to do it so did everyone else. People abuse God to justify their shit all the time. This obviously is why you never heard this before. It sort of sinks the narrative.

[JonLeibowitz]

86. No kidding. Thanks for this.

I forwarded it to my socially far-right Christian conservative mom.

[roguevalley]

95. score, Jon :D

[roody]

3. You are wonderful.

[Kath1]

4. Not really.

Thanx, anyway!

[Kath1]

7. Everyone in the pro-choice movement is wonderful, IMO.

I told her, to cry if she wants, laugh if she wants, rest, sleep and be at peace. We are here for her. Always.

[snacker]

5. You are doing a wonderful thing.

Thank you for your kindness and your support for this young woman. May her future be happy and bright!

[Kath1]

10. It will be!

Thank you so much!

She is very emotional right now but resting and at peace with her choice.

[Triana]

6. You did the right thing.

She's lucky to have friends like your daughter and you.

[Kath1]

8. My daughter and her have been friends since grade school.

It is an honor to me to help her in time of need.

[bunnies]

9. Was she not on birth control or using protection?

I mean no disrespect and I entirely support her decision. I just dont understand how unwanted pregnancies happen in this day and age.

[Kath1]

11. Condom broke, from what I know.

Tragic. She is on BC pills. I didn't ask for too many details.

[bunnies]

12. Poor girl.

It must have been awful for her. Sorry to pry.

[notadmblnd]

55. My son has a friend who was pregnant recently.

She went to the Dr. and was given two pills and a scheduled follow up visit in two weeks. It was pretty simple and painless for her. Now she is on BC. I don't know why she wasn't to begin with.

[still_one]

78. There are two forms. One is "the morning after pill", which prevents conception occurring

Last edited Sun Jan 3, 2016, 06:59 PM - Edit history (1)

after intercourse. Very safe. The other is RU486, Mifepristone,, which induces an abortion. This may cause heavy bleeding and bacterial infection, and appropriate follow up care needs to be available.

[notadmblnd]

83. It must have been the later

I'm aware of the morning after pills. They're available over the counter here. I don't know why more young women don't purchase them and keep them on hand for their unplanned encounters? Out of all of my son's friends (6 or 7) only 2 of them are not fathers. These are young men in their early 20's. They love their babies, but none of them are with their children's mothers any longer.

I've explicitly told my son not to make me a grandmother. His girlfriend (who he's been in love with since he was 11) and he recently announced their engagement. But they're still going to give it a couple of more years before they get married and make me a grandma.

[still_one]

93. I don't think a lot of people are aware of their options

[Kath1]

81. I don't know what this girl was doing or thinking.

What a mess.

[still_one]

76. The details are immaterial at this point. She had an issue, and made a decision how to deal with it

You provided much needed support which she needed at this time

[CTyankee]

89. I am sure they covered that at PP after her procedure. She might have made a mistake

in her pill schedule or there was some misunderstanding, which happens and nobody's perfect. And if she needs more information she can always call PP again for a followup. In fact, they might have scheduled a followup for her already.

I'm so glad she is relieved. All the worry and stress isn't good. I sense a lot of good vibes just on this thread alone here at DU. Our feminists here are so good to communicate with.

I'm also steaming mad that there are those in this country who would wish suffering on this young woman. Thank god, kath, that you are there for her!

[Kath1]

13. No problem.

I am going to call and text her idiot parents tomorrow and tell them she is here, she is safe and she is hurting because of you.

I am hoping they will respond in a positive way.

[TeddyR]

15. You are going to text the parents

That the daughter is hurting because of the parents? Weird. And on edit, I have a daughter, and the type of text/call you propose is not something that would be well received (setting aside the abortion issue).

[Kath1]

16. I intend to and I will.

The only pain she has is their anger.

[ejbr]

20. Good for you

They should at least want to know she is okay.

[Kath1]

24. I intend to tell them she needs them now more than ever.

And religious BS shouldn't trump your child.

[CoffeeCat]

63. I applaud you for your plans to write that text

Sometimes adults make incredibly poor choices. These parents are choosing their dogma over the well being of their adult child. She loves them and needs them. If they fail her and abandon her they may lose her forever.

Sometimes adults need other adults to remind them of what is important. Relationships can fail and be destroyed forever. These parents have done incredible damage all ready, but they have still have options now.

If they continue on this path, they will most likely cause further hurt to their daughter until it leads to estrangement.

If someone like you can help them to see this--that is a wonderful thing. What you are doing for this young woman and for this family is very compassionate and kind.

[Kath1]

64. I intend to tell them they are at the crossroads.

Either be there for your child or lose her.

She is ready to give up on them right now.

[bunnies]

44. I can imagine that wont be an easy conversation to have.

Shes lucky to have you in her corner. I cant imagine what it would be like to be in her position and have no one.

[Kath1]

47. I am going to try my best to be calm.

But I an going to call her mom out and ask her what the hell she is doing to her girl.

I would never do that. Hopefully, they will listen to reason, accept their daughter's decision and move on.

[peace13]

60. Not telling you what you what to say...

People are crazy and words can be dangerous. Let them know she is safe but it has been my experience that all of the added words get pretty messy. Stay safe.

[Kath1]

62. I will, my friend.

Thank you for taking the time to care.

[dorkzilla]

19. You *do* know no birth control is 100% effective

Not tubal ligation, not vasectomy.

VERY NOT COOL for you to even ask. Shame on you. Really.

[bunnies]

46. What is the chance of getting pregnant while on birth control and using a condom?

eh?

[dorkzilla]

48. WHO CARES? Moralize somewhere else please????

Who the fuck cares how it happens? Even if she didn’t use any, she had an unwanted pregnancy. It is HER business, it is HER right and HER choice. WHY DO YOU CARE HOW IT HAPPENED? Really, are you sure you’re on the right board? Jesus rollerskating Christ, don’t pull that shit here.

[nashville_brook]

52. [phone]

[questionseverything]

92. i did not see "moralizing"

plan b is less than 10 years old.....it does not seem to be common knowledge

if the condom broke is the reason for this young woman needing an abortion,she could of saved herself a lot of pain and misery by taking a plan b pill the next morning

if she is so fertile that she got pregnant while on birth control...she really needs to know about the plan b pill

[Hissyspit]

69. Things go "wrong" in the world all the time despite the best of intentions and precautions.

Which is why pro-choice women's reproductive rights are so important and humane.

[jeff47]

72. Higher than the chance of dying from influenza. Yet we give out flu shots, don't we? (nt)

[peacebird]

79. Condoms can slip off, low dose BC pills CAN fail. They did for me.

Just saying. NO method of bC is 100% effective.

Also, I got pregnant with my son WHILE on my period.

[uppityperson]

88. OCs don't always work and address contraindicated for many women.

I can't tell you how many women on OCS have had them fail for a simple reason like they were on antibiotics. Or how many are unable to take them due to genetics, age, smoking, other health issues.

Condoms also have a failure rate.

I got pregnant on spermicides and condoms. I couldn't take OCS due to my age.

[uppityperson]

90. Statement of Purpose of Pro-Choice group.

Statement of Purpose

A place for like-minded progressive individuals, to collaborate on ideas to protect the right of every woman to make personal reproductive health decisions and choices.

[Ilsa]

100. It doesn't matter what the chances are if you're the exception.

And why is it so important to you to pick at this woman's situation?

What if she was date-raped, but couldn't tell her parents? What if she used no birth control? What if she's a product of "abstinence-only" teaching? She's getting help now, and no doubt, PP is probably offering her a more effective birth control method.

[SheilaT]

50. birth control can and does fail.

Unfortunately.

[Kath1]

75. BC does fail, unfortunately.

Which is why we need abortion clinics.

Thank you!

[Ilsa]

99. even the best birth control has failure rates.

Sometimes missing your OC by just one day can leave you unprotected. I've met many "pill babies" in my life. There's no need to blame her, she's dealing with enough.

[rurallib]

14. will never understand a parent choosing their religion over their own child

you and your daughter deserve much praise and thanks.

[Kath1]

17. Thank you.

I would never do that.

Tomorrow is a new day.

[yellerpup]

18. Quick, painless, and guilt free

if the parents stay out of it, so I'm glad they're not in the picture right now. She must be so thankful to your family for the love and support and she may continue to need you and I know you'll be there for her if she does. Now, she has a chance to plan and prepare for her future and no doubt, she will live a good life. I'm happy for you all. It is wonderful to be able to help when someone is in need.

[sarge43]

21. She is so fortunate to have friends like you and your daughter n/t

[dorkzilla]

22. My Catholic RW mother was, in the end, VERY supportive when I had mine 30 years ago

I can’t understand how her parents can make an ALREADY HARD CHOICE harder for this poor girl. It’s never an easy decision, but is HER decision alone. Thank you, and your daughter and the rest of her friends, for being there for her. As someone who had to make this very difficult decision, thank you. I have never (or very seldom, especially as the years went on) regretted that decision, especially as I made some very, very poor decisions about the man who fathered said-fetus (he started beating me about 6 months after we met) and I’d only have been tied to him to this very day.

Blessings to you for being her surrogate mom in this difficult time for her. Love her and nurture her, she’ll need it.

[Kath1]

25. Thank you!

Lots of hugs and reassurance here tonight. Telling her she did the right thing.

I've known her parents for a long time. Will talk to them early tomorrow.

[dorkzilla]

34. Please PM me if you’d like to give her my personal contact info

I would be happy to share my experiences with her, and as a Catholic daughter, I can certainly relate to her in more ways than one.

When I was diagnosed with MS this summer one of our fellow DUer’s offered the same, and that introduction has helped me enormously, in fact its meant everything to me as the introduction got me to a much better doctor than who I had, and that new doctor has already made a huge difference.

It may not work for a 50 year old to talk to a 22 year old but the more support she knows she has the better. I’m sincere. She can call me at 2am and I’d talk to her. I know exactly how she feels.

I applaud your speaking up for her, and I know you realize you run the risk of alienating them...2 words though...FUCK THEM.

You rock, Kath1.

[Kath1]

35. Thanks so much for your caring.

I may do so. She needs love and support right now.

Thank you so much,

[dorkzilla]

49. You’re welcome

and I’m sincere. I’m here if she needs me.

[Kath1]

51. Thank you.

You may get a PM soon. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks again!

[Omaha Steve]

23. Marta and I have done escort duty at two different clinics in the area

Glad we did it.

K&R!

OS

[Kath1]

28. Thank you for doing the right thing.

I am really feeling the support right now. Love. Thank you.

[Enthusiast]

26. Way to go, Kath!

[SusanCalvin]

27. Thank you.

[Kath1]

32. Thank you!

Things are a little crazy here right now but I appreciate all the love and support.

[Skittles]

30. was it cool and liberal?

[Hissyspit]

67. ???

[Skittles]

68. ...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=7476933

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027476829

[Hissyspit]

70. Oh.

Smoking??

[Skittles]

71. I wonder what it will be next

yes indeed

[leanforward]

31. Thank you

Thank you for supporting the young woman. The decision has to be tough, but I believe the mother knows best.

[Kath1]

33. Her body, her life. her decision.

I love her.

[blondie58]

36. You are a good human

Thank you for being there.

[Kath1]

37. It was my responsibility.

It was an honor and a privilege to be there.

[GoCubsGo]

38. Thank you.

I hope her parents will come to their senses soon. I think they will, eventually.

[Kath1]

40. I think so, too.

They are nice people, despite the catholic dogma.

I am talking to them early tomorrow.

Hopefully, they have calmed down. Girl was scared to death,

[historylovr]

39. That was a wonderful thing you did.

[Kath1]

41. Thanks.

Not really.

Just being there for my daughter's friend.

Not a problem at all.

[dembotoz]

42. thank you for caring for the girl

i recently opened my home to a woman who was about to be homeless.

what crap we put each other thru

it has been an experience for me as well

we can learn so much by extending ourselves

i applaud you

[Kath1]

43. Thank you.

Things are a little crazy here right now but it will calm down.

"we can learn so much by extending ourselves" - Yes we do!

[tavernier]

45. She's 22 and having sex with a person

who is also an adult. Between these two grown up people, why would she have to live on the streets if she becomes pregnant? Doesn't compute to me. I am pro choice, but your friend sounds to me like a child who plays with matches.

[dorkzilla]

56. WOW!! Really? What a brave keyboard warrior you are!

You have ZERO idea about her or her choices or whatever. Especially as a NURSE you should KNOW better. Jesus christ - MY ex-boyfriend beat me very badly, hid my birth control and RAPED ME. Drugged me, snorted cocaine and RAPED me. THAT is how I got pregnant. But that is my fault I suppose, right?

Wow. Just wow. You know what happens when you make ASSumptions, right?

PLEASE self-delete.

PS - “I’m pro choice but” NO, YOU’RE NOT.

[Kath1]

58. Thank you.

I was going to respond but you beat me to it. Said it better than I would have.

[dorkzilla]

59. You’re welcome, Kath.

I don’t know WHY THE FUCK ITS ANYONE ELSE’S BUSINESS but I am sure not going to put up with this on a DEMOCRATIC site. Fuck that shit a million ways till Friday.

[Kath1]

61. Thanks again.

In the situation this girl was, and still is, in, that shit makes my blood boil.

Thank you so much!

I had a similar experience.

[jeff47]

73. Welcome to 2016. It's a wee bit different from when you grew up. (nt)

[uppityperson]

91. You are calling a 22 yr old a "child who plays with matches" for having sex? No comment about her

parents disowning her? No comment about having a friend who is helping her out?

Just calling her "a child who plays with matches"?

[tavernier]

94. My comment is for her and HIM.

Between two consenting adults, why should there even be a "sleep on the streets" option? Just having a condom in your pocket doesn't make you a responsible person.

And to the other poster who said that things have changed since I was young... No they haven't. It's still a pay to play game. Sex can sometimes produce a pregnancy with or without protection, and even a safe abortion has risks.

These are adults, over 21. If she and her partner haven't talked these risks out in advance, then they are no more responsible than children. It isn't up to the well meaning neighbors, or the parents to find these solutions after the fact.

Sorry... Just my opinion.

[uppityperson]

97. You sound around the same age as me, of perhaps raised with the idea that you don't have random sex

random people because it you get pregnant, you will be stuck with that person no matter if it is good for anyone. I learned that it is OK to be sexually intimate with someone that I had NO intention of having a long term or even emotionally close relationship.

In this case, it seems the young woman is a college student home for the holidays and due to return to school soon. Her parents kicked her out, so a friend helped her.

Are you saying we should not help each other, our friends? To instead say "go find the man you had sex with and move in with him"?

[tazkcmo]

102. Nose bleeds

Nose bleeds can be caused by a sudden increase in altitude when, for example, mounting a very high soap box with false superiority.

[dembotoz]

104. that is an absurdly good line

[peace13]

53. Kath, thanks for being there.

Love and healing energy to you and yours. She is so fortunate to have you there.

[Kath1]

54. Thanks for the caring words.

It means a lot, peace13!

[rusty quoin]

65. Kath1, you are kick ass more ways than 1.

[Kath1]

66. Thank you...

But, no. I have many problems.

I am just doing what I think and hope is right,

[rusty quoin]

74. I understand, but as an observer I agree with what you are doing.

I would easily take in my daughter's friend. It came up. It wasn't about abortion, but giving her a safe home. She didn't end up with us, but it was about a respect for my daughter and choice of friends.

The part about coming out was right. From what I've read about you, you have done good things.

[riversedge]

80. Thanks for standing with the young woman -and for sharing

[Gothmog]

82. Thank you for doing the right thing

You are helping a young lady at a critical time of her life and I think that this is great

Thank you

[Kath1]

87. Conversation with her mom today did not go well. I got a tongue lashing.

Looks like she'll be staying with my daughter and her BF until she goes back to college. If this woman ever calms down, I'll tell her, THIS WAS YOUR DAUGHTER'S DECISION: She’s in her 20's. She goes to school out of state. She had sex and got pregnant. The only thing that involves you is that you are paying her college tuition. You need to put away your poor little hurt feelings and look at this in a realistic way. I don’t care how close your relationship with your daughter was (or how close you think it was). The fact is that she found herself pregnant with a pro-life mother who she obviously didn’t feel comfortable talking to, and for good reason. So she handled the situation in the way that best suited HER life, not yours. Why do you feel betrayed? Because she went against your personal beliefs? In the end, she has to do what’s best for her life and having a child now does not fit into that equation. If you continue to struggle with this, that’s your own problem. Get counseling, get a good stiff drink or whatever will help you get a grip. It’s over. Get over it.

[dorkzilla]

96. Sorry that didn’t go well.

When they’re ready they’ll listen. It could be years.

I feel so awful for the girl.

[Kath1]

98. I knew it would not.

Both the parents are super-pissed off at me for facilitating the procedure. Off the rails pissed. Yes, I do feel bad for her. I guess they would rather have her deal with an unwanted pregnancy. You raise a girl to think for herself and when she does you go nuts? She'll be OK staying with mu daughter and her BF until she goes back to finish her senior year in college.

Not the relaxing holiday weekend I had planned.

[Gothmog]

103. The fact that you tried to reason with your daughter's friend' mother is amazing

This mother may lose her daughter over this and needs to come to grips with the fact that her daughter is an adult

Again, I think that you re doing the right thing and I admire and appreciate your efforts

[tazkcmo]

101. I paid for one.

Wasn't my child, just a friend in need. It was a hard decision for her but it was HER decision. I just payed for it because she needed the help. This young lady is lucky to have you in her life. Hopefully, over time, her parents will come to her senses and realize if they're so "pro-life", their daughter is alive and needs their love and support in her life. Please don't let her heart harden to her parents as you do the right thing supporting her now.