My beloved wife.

[Not Heidi]

Kathy is 72 years old. Five or six years ago, she was diagnosed with collagenous colitis. I'm not sure that's what the problem is today (but I'm not a medical professional).

I will be a discreet as possible in describing what she experiences.

It's been two or three months since she's had the kind of uncontrollable mess-the-bed, several failed bathroom trips per night and into the morning experiences. These months were a gift to her, a blessing - a very welcome, very rare blessing.

But this afternoon, it all fell apart. The first episode was so bad that she had to take a shower - and then she didn't have the strength to stand up (from the shower chair) and get out. I had to call the paramedics (fourth time this month) to help her out of the shower. They were kind enough to wait, to let me get her dried and dressed, and then, one on each side, they got her into bed.

Her strength has somewhat returned this evening. She's had to return to the bathroom three times more tonight, but neither trip has been nearly as bad as what she experienced this afternoon.

I have an Ativan prescription, and that helped me through much of the worst of the afternoon. The anxiety of this situation, these episodes, her weakness, confusion, inability to speak without forgetting words - all of this causes me great anxiety.

But then, I'm not the one who is debilitated by such a difficult illness.

Anything you want to say (unless it's unkind towards my wife) is welcome.

[Permanut]

1. Strength to you and Kathy.

[Not Heidi]

17. Thank you, Permanut.

[Dear_Prudence]

2. Stressful for you

This sounds stressful for you as well as your wife. My father-in-law lived with us for a few years in his 90s. The local council on aging provided some caretaking, though nothing extensive. I hope someone can help you obtain whatever services are available, even if it just fixing a lunch for you, doing up the dishes a few times a week, and providing a visitor. Being a caretaker can be tiring and isolating, so please take care of yourself too.

[Not Heidi]

18. I'm trying, Dear P. Thank you.

[BoomaofBandM]

3. Hugs to both you and your wife.

My husband does so much for me. I am sure she is frustrated and loves and appreciates all you do. Hugs to both of you. Stay strong.

[Not Heidi]

19. I'm trying, I am, Booma. It's tough. Thank you.

[Maraya1969]

4. Has her doctors ever prescribed an opiate pain medicine? I'm asking because I take

them and I have to try to keep them as low as I can because they cause bad constipation which, in my limited understanding might help. And there have been times with me, (because I also have severe pain in my gut and problems making it to the bathroom sometimes) that I will take them to make myself stop going.

I am sorry for both of you having to go through all this. And since she is 72 she should qualify for help through Medicare. With my mom they came a few times a week and gave her a shower and made lunch etc. It was great for me to get a break. As far as cleaning etc maybe if you called a few nursing homes or assisted living homes and find out how they take care of things. They might have some inside information.

I really hope things get better for you 2.

[LeftInTX]

9. I agree with the opiates

[Not Heidi]

20. opiates

Maryaya, Kathy has taken oxycontin, 20 mg AM and 10 mg PM, for nearly seven years. I don't understand why she won't go to another pain specialist. (She's stubborn as a rock - which won't move no matter how one encourages it). It's never given her constipation.

I do appreciate the suggestions, including Medicare and calling nursing homes (great idea).

Thank you.

[murielm99]

5. I am sorry.

I hope that just being here and offering sympathy for you and your wife is some help. We are going through our own health crises in our household. We are 79 and 75. Take all the help you can get. You have my love and support, and my husband's, too.

[Not Heidi]

21. Yes, Muriel, being here helps.

I am very sorry to hear you're having your own troubles. I hope with all my heart that you have help.

I'm 61, and because I'm relatively able-bodied (and extremely grateful for it), I do everything possible. Most of what she needs. I have a lot of help from my sister (our roommate; she is selfless).

Thanks to both of you for your love and support.

[Grumpy Old Guy]

6. My heart goes out to you.

My mom had diverticulosis and had several incidents while I was her caregiver. It bothered her a great deal that her son had to clean her up, but I never minded. I was just glad that I had two kids of my own and knew what to do. She would have been 101 years old tomorrow.

Be strong and cherish everyday.

[Not Heidi]

22. I know you miss your mom, all things considered.

I try, Grumpy. I am most aware of cherishing every day. The strength doesn't come as easy.

Thank you. n/t

[LittleGirl]

7. I know several friends and family with the disease

and it's so sad to see them struggle.

I hope you can accept my cyber hugs in place of advice and hope that these days end with some peace in her heart and soul that you gave her a good life.

[Not Heidi]

25. I do accept your hugs with thanks,

and your good wishes.

[qwlauren35]

8. I've never said this before...

Have you tried marijuana for the anxiety?

Just thinking positive thoughts for you and your wife.

[Not Heidi]

27. I got some gummies

a couple of weeks ago. Although they relieved the anxiety somewhat, they also made me walk a little like a drunk. With a bum knee, that's not good. Perhaps I should cut them in half.

Thanks for thinking of it. Also thank you for the positive thoughts.

[qwlauren35]

40. Marijuana food

I saw a joke about this once, and the nugget I got from it is that marijuana food comes in different strengths and has different effects on the body. Some people only need a little, some enjoy taking a lot. Since you're not trying to get high, I think it makes sense to play with the dosage 'til you get something perfect for you. You deserve self-care, and if this is it - make it work for you.

Also, it goes without saying - once you get it where you want it, stick with the type and brand, check the label (I've heard the labels aren't perfect.) know what amount of chemical works for your body.

I want the best for you and your wife.

Hugs.

[AZ8theist]

10. NO ONE here would ever say anything unkind toward your wife. NEVER.

Our community feels your pain. We are here for you.

[Not Heidi]

29. I know you are. Thank you so much.

[yonder]

11. I'm sorry you both are facing these challenges.

Without a doubt though, Kathy is fortunate to have yourself as her loving partner and I'll bet you feel the same about her as well.

I'm beaming as much positive energy your way as I can muster.
Bless you both.

[Not Heidi]

30. Yonder, thank you

for the positive thoughts and for the beamed energy.

[Think. Again.]

12. Being by her side through this is the greatest act of your love for her...

...and yes of course, it's going to be very hard on you.

I believe it's true when they say that caring for someone else begins with caring for yourself, so that you can keep up the physical and emotional strength needed to do what is so important for the both of you.

[Not Heidi]

31. I'm trying, T.A. I am.

Thank you for your kind words.

[Think. Again.]

33. And always remember...

...you can't be doing any part of it "wrong", because you're doing it out of love.

[Not Heidi]

39. I'll try to remember. n/t

[gademocrat7]

13. Sending your wife and you hugs.

We are with you on this journey. Take care.

[Not Heidi]

32. I know you are, gadem.

Thank you for your hugs.

[sinkingfeeling]

14. I'm so sorry. I know nothing about the disease, but am sure the incidents just add more to her

stress. Hugs o you both.

[Not Heidi]

34. Thank you, s. feeling, very much. n/t

[Maraya1969]

15. I also just checked with medical Marajuana and at least

For kids it can help. That stuff seems to be good for a lot of things

[Not Heidi]

35. Indeed. n/t

[XanaDUer2]

16. Bless you both

I'm so sorry. This must be terrifying to watch.

[Not Heidi]

36. Thank you, XanaDUer2

I appreciate your blessing.

[Not Heidi]

23. I APOLOGIZE

I apologize for the delay in responding to you all, and that I haven't got to everyone yet. I will.

Meantime, thank you all for all you have said and suggested and all of the love and strength you have offered.

[Permanut]

24. No apology necessary..

You have a lot on your plate.

[Duncanpup]

26. Hugs to you

[Not Heidi]

37. Thank you, Duncanpup.

[MFM008]

28. I feel your pain

Bless you both. I was one of my mom's caregivers we had to take care of her at home in the last few months of her life and not get the help we needed because we knew we'd lose our house if we got her on Medicaid. We managed to keep our house but any hour we got some relief from the worst of how she was doing it was as good as the Klonopin I've been taking for decades.....

[Not Heidi]

38. Thank you for your blessing, MFM.

I understand about the short spaces of relief.

PS Mine is Ativan

[Karadeniz]

41. She doesnt need to get to the bathroom. Put a mobile toilet right next to her

side if the bed.

[Not Heidi]

42. That's good advice

and I truly appreciate it.

The only problem is that once she does get to the bathroom and has her pants down, it's instantly all over the toilet and the floor. We've discussed a bedside commode, and agree that we don't want that kind of mess in the bedroom, especially that close to the bed. (There's very little room between her side of the bed and the wall. Small bedroom.)

Thanks for your advice, though, Karadeniz.

[AmBlue]

43. Just holding you and Kathy in my thoughts.

I am so sorry you and she are going through this. I experienced something similar caring for my mother during the end stages of her dementia. Not the same condition, but some of the same experiences. Trying times indeed, and my heart goes out to you both.

[Not Heidi]

44. AmBlue, I appreciate you. Thank you.

It must've been very hard for you, caring for your mother.

Thank you very much for the caring in your heart.