Employment advice for a loved one.

[NCTraveler]

Someone very dear to me has a chronic illness. Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome to be exact. This person is also bi-polar and has anxiety issues but they are managed very well. This person currently works at a fast food chain and deals with customers constantly and it is not a "big" problem. I put that there so you know that her anxiety is controlled to the point she can do these things, although it would be best for her to move away from constant contact with others. Her bi-polar disorder is fully under control. She has never had a manic episode at work. Her CVS comes on occasionally and she cannot do anything when an episode occurs. It often lands her in the hospital as she can't eat, sleep, or drink during an episode. Sometimes episodes last for up to a week, normally a couple of days. She can barely get out of bed when she has an episode. Sometimes she goes years without an episode, sometimes she has multiple episodes that flare up for months.

Her current boss is extremely caring and has tolerated it all. He has had ample reason to fire her but has not. He knows that this syndrome is real, that she lives a clean life, and that she cares for his business. That brings us to our current position. She needs to move and find a new job. She is young and I want to help her find something that will cause her less anxiety during her work day and when she has an episode. I know there are things out there. She is very close to getting her CNA, but with the move we need to get things in her life in order and centered before she moves on to finish it. With proper planning, order, and self-centering, her episodes become further and further apart.

This young lady is smart, competent, and responsible. She spent a couple of years managing multiple fast food stores. She stopped managing because of the stress, anxiety, and CVS. While she was successful at managing, it was not the best thing for her health. We are trying to be smarter about it this time and are trying to find something for her that will be healthy for her. She does not want to be unemployed. She does not want to be on disability. She wants to feel whole, and these take away from her feeling that way. She is fighting for her version of normal. She does not frown upon disability but it is not what she needs for her own personal mindset. Between episodes she is a very healthy person.

Thank you very much for any help. I am also going to talk to her about signing up here. For now I just want to try and help. She knows I have posted this.

[NCTraveler]

1. Want to add.

High school graduate.
Worked 6 years at fast food restaurant. Employee/management.
Worked in purchasing at a major grocery store.
Favorite position to this point - Specialized shoe store floor person.

Without the right boss, she cannot keep a "regular" job. When the CVS shows its head, she is unreliable and needs time to get it under control. Usually a week or so. She has had multiple episodes in the past couple of months, hospitalizing her three times in the last six months for a total of 9 days. These 9 days do not include the approximately 25 days she has been in bed over the past six months. We are working hard to extend the time between episodes. While she does not have full control over the syndrome, there are many steps she can take to extend the time between episodes.

[LiberalEsto]

2. I'm so sorry to hear about this person's troubles

and I hope everything works out for her, and you.

Is there any way that she could become self-employed, at least until she is better? Can she do medical billing from home, or something of that sort? That's the best I can suggest.

FYI I have a daughter in her late 20s with anxiety and panic disorder,depression, bulimia and other problems. She lives at home and refuses to go for counseling or stress management. She just quit the part-time waitress job she had for 10 months and is looking for another one. She has been having serious mid-back pain, shouldn't be lifting trays, and refuses to get an MRI her doctor wants her to have. I am at wit's end.

[NCTraveler]

3. Thank you for your reply.

I wish the best for you and your daughter. Refusing to go to counseling or stress management hurts. It is so important. I am thankful that my loved one is very willing to go to therapy. It has helped her a lot. I am sure you have stressed counseling with your daughter. Tell her that if she tries counseling, and doesn't like the counselor, that she can try a new one the next month. She will find someone that she falls in love with. It is all so difficult. The counseling is so important. With the right person, it will help to fill the toolbox with the tools necessary to help manage the anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. Not make them disappear, but help to manage it. I have found that psychiatric medication, without counseling, is not a good way to go. They need to go hand in hand.

We are currently looking into medical billing/medical transcription. The problem is, she does need to get out. I know this differs from some people with bipolar and anxiety issues. It is so hard to find a happy medium.

Thankfully, I am in a position to help her start her own business, even if it loses money. I am not wealthy, but I love her to the point that all of my disposable income is hers if it will help. It would not be good for her mentally to do it unless she could break even or make a little bit within a couple of months. I think we can work something like that out. We have discussed selling arts and crafts online.

I am trying very hard to help her. She means the world to me. My knowledge is limited in this area. I know that things will work out. I am building as many ideas as possible, we will then discuss them and see what she is most comfortable with.

My thoughts are with you and your daughter.

[LiberalEsto]

4. Thank you for your compassionate reply

You are right that counseling is essential. She has half-heartedly seen counselors a few times but quit after a handful of sessions each time.

Is there a way your friend could do a small amount of volunteer work, for the sake of getting out? Especially if it's in an area related to future career plans. She could make friends and also find people who could give her references in the future. This would be in addition to temporarily working from home.

Another possibility might be doing temp work.

[mopinko]

5. you should post this in mental health support.

folks there will likely have some good perspective for you.
does she qualify for disability? at least that is a little something. she can still work, just has to report earnings. it's hard to get for mental disabilities, but my daughter qualified with ptsd.

i would second the temp job idea. not sure where she lives, might not be real viable. but worth a shot.
it is hard to keep a job when you can't show up every single day.

[McCamy Taylor]

6. Make sure she has been screened for sleep apnea and see if she has a family history of migraine.

Untreated sleep apnea can present in just this way. Migraines can sometimes cause several days of vomiting w/o headache. And untreated sleep apnea makes migraine's worse.