I probably have breast cancer (again)

[cyclonefence]

About a week ago, I noticed a bloody discharge from my nipple on the breast where I'd had cancer in 2012. Ironically, I was just "aged out" of my annual oncologist's office visit. My pcp sent me for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, and for the first time ever in my experience, the radiologist came out immediately and wanted to make sure I had an appointment to see a breast surgeon. My last mammogram was last February and was clear, and now I apparently have a largish mass. I've had a hell of a time scheduling first the ultrasound--ended up going to another facility--and now getting an appointment with the breast surgeon. The wonderful surgeon who gave me my lumpectomy last time has moved out of state, so I'm starting over.

I am not worried about the cancer. If I'm reading the NIH statistics correctly, there's a 93% survival after five years rate, and I weathered surgery, chemo and radiation just fine last time. My concern now is antsiness, waiting for the process to start. I tried to call for an appointment on Friday, but the lines were so busy I had to leave my number, to be called back "on the next business day," which it has recently occurred to me is Tuesday, not Monday. I'm going nuts with the uncertainty and waiting. I want to sleep until Tuesday.

My other concern, a much more important one, is for my husband. He is so worried about me. He carries the real burden of my treatment, when it comes, and I don't know what to do to help him feel better. My job is easy, once the process starts: I do what they tell me to. It's out of my hands, and I'm not afraid. But no one tells him what to do, and I know he is afraid. We have been married 49 years, and this will be my third cancer (the second was kidney), so the poor man has had to go through this twice before. For various reasons (mostly unwanted advice from nutcase cousins) we agree not to tell anyone in the family until we have to--i.e. if I lose my hair--but I'm going to tell him I want him to talk to his friends about it, if he wants to. I don't care about people knowing I have cancer; it's just that I don't want to be put into the position again of having to be kind to crazy people while I feel weak.

If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Otherwise, I just need a place to vent.

[TreasonousBastard]

1. Vent, vent, vent... I lost a father and stepfather to cancer and my mother and brother have...

had their scares.

Yes, too often when you have dealt with the realities of the disease, you then have to deal with all those "helpful" friends and relatives and the fragility of those closest to you.

Stay strong. Once you get the medical help, perhaps some help for your husband to deal with this.

When death's shadow appears, it is the survivors who often suffer most.

[samnsara]

2. (((hugs))) we are here for you...

[MLAA]

3. Eat zero animal products and minimal packaged food/sugar/oil. Whole Foods (vegetables)

Please check out these web sites and send me an email if you want more info.

https://www.drmcdougall.com/health/education/health-science/hot-topics/medical-topics/breast-cancer/

https://www.healthpromoting.com/

https://www.pcrm.org/

[sinkingfeeling]

4. Vent all you want. Also direct all negative energy to the cancer.

[appalachiablue]

5. Take care until Tuesday & afterwards. So glad you wrote this note.

[LakeArenal]

6. Share this heartfelt post with folks.

Loved one’s want to share the fears as well as the success. Physically hug the ones you love, so in the low times you can reflect on those embraces.

All good wishes to you and your family.

[Rebl2]

7. I live in

Kansas City and the breast clinic I go to for mammograms has a support system available for cancer patients. I’m fairly sure it is extended to husband/partners. Maybe where you are they have the same type of program.
As for the waiting, I know when I had to wait for days for biopsy results, I kept busy. I didn’t stay home. I went out and did things to try to keep my mind off the waiting. By the way you don’t have to be kind to crazy people when you feel weak. You shouldn’t have to waste your energy on them. I wish you and your husband peace.

[cyclonefence]

8. Thanks to all of you

It really helped to vent, more than I ever thought it would!

Among the things I worry about is a sister-in-law who had breast cancer about the same time as I had my first bout. I had a lumpectomy; she had a mastectomy and vociferously and persistently questioned my choice. The new cancer (if it is indeed cancer) is in the same breast, and I know she will say (and she is of course right) that if I'd had a mastectomy I wouldn't be going through this again. Grrrr. She excels at making unhelpful remarks that make people feel bad. So I told my husband that as far as she's concerned, the new cancer is in my other breast!

[Solly Mack]

9. Venting is good.

It was great medicine for me.

I so know what you man about not wanting to be kind to crazy people when feeling weak.

My MIL barged her way into the house while I was in treatment and she was the last thing I needed.

I told her to stay away and she was there the next day. We don't have a good relationship and never did. I was always polite though - no matter how crazy she got.

I was miserable on top of miserable.

Be you and vent when you need to vent.

[PennyK]

10. Wow. i wish you the easiest treatment

But I agree with you, I also think it's hardest on your loved one. I actually think it's easier to be the patient than the caregiver. My husband has been great through all my cancer adventures, but it's been hard on him.
On the bright side, they'r getting better and better with treatment all the time.

[cyclonefence]

11. Thanks for your good wishes

Today I told my husband I didn't care if he wanted to talk about my cancer with his friends, and I couldn't believe how grateful he was. I wish I'd mentioned it sooner.

I still don't have a definitive diagnosis--I had the biopsy on Wednesday and will hear next week, but both the radiologist and the surgeon said it doesn't look good. I can feel the lump, which I couldn't do last time, it was so small. This thing has grown to a one inch mass in just six months. My February regular mammogram shows nothing.

I'll feel better when I know for sure what's going on, and what we're going to do about it. I did not have any trouble at all, other than some tiredness, with the chemo and radiation last time. I actually liked being bald--I rocked the look!