When do we know when to say goodbye?

[Tab]

Just wondering

[dixiegrrrrl]

1. As a patient or as a family member/friend/caretaker of patient?

[Tab]

2. As a patient n/t

[dixiegrrrrl]

3. If that is what a patient wants to do, I think they will know when.

It is giving oneself permission to do that which is the difficult part of acceptance issues.

My mother could not admit to herself she had terminal lung cancer, and she shut everyone out, to the extent that she died without any of us grown children even knowing she was terminal.
I don't recommend putting that shock on family shoulders. it was pretty bad for a long time.

OTOH, getting family to listen can be a problem.
Tis best to mentally rehearse what you want them to hear, all together or one at a time, that you want to tell them something and you want them to pay attention and listen quietly.

Seems to be something that is best done when there is the mental, emotional and physical strength to say everything you want to say.
and it would be lovely to have one person on your side who can help control the flow of visitors.

At some point I am going to have to talk to my distant adult children about necessary things, and I hope it will be possible when the time comes.

If you want, you can pm me....

[Tab]

4. Thank you

Everyone knows, but I've been in it for 7 years and for some reason, I think it's coming to a close.

[Uben]

5. As long as you are willing....

....we hope you'll hang out here till you can't. I can't remember too many goodbyes here, but I still remember friends who were here and passed, and goodbyes weren't necessary. We'll know by one's absence that either they are gone or can no longer post. But, I would like to say it has been a pleasure conversing with you all and having someone to commiserate with. We may never have met or seen each other, but we all had a commonality, we had to deal with death and disease, and having some place and someone to talk to is surely comforting. It is for me, and I will always remember the folks here.

[Tab]

6. Okay, don't count me out, not just yet, but still getting there

but the end of last week was very scary, and I was really feeling how I'm running the clock down. I feel better today. That said, I really haven't eaten for nearly 2 weeks now; I'd be surprised if I even got 400 calories a day. Some days, nearly no cals at all. I also wasn't sleeping or hydrating at all.

Still, I need to address this issue at some point.

As far as DU, if possible, I'll try to get a final post. If not, I'm trying to leave an instruction for someone to leave a post at DU, as I have a lot of friends here. I have no idea whether I'm thinking weeks, months, or I surprise myself and get another year or two out of the deal, but it's coming.

It wasn't really a question about when we say goodbye to DU specifically but just family and friends in general.

I'm not sure, unless you know you're got a specific, very short, time range to live, that you need to formally say goodbye now But if you don't have a medically-determined expiration date, then how do you self-tell?

I think because, unlike in the past where I just didn't feel well, that I'm starting to get into unrecoverable health situations, and I don't like that trend (nor the trend of not eating or sleeping).

[cate94]

7. I don't think we know.

You know things are slipping but when will they give? Personally, I hope I say my good byes before they are needed. I hope I get to tell everyone I love how much they meant to my life, before it is imminent, but things happen in ways we can't even imagine. These days I try and let people know my feelings regardless-of health issues. I would bet that you do that already, given all the crap you have been through. Really all I can offer is a

[Tab]

8. I've learned to do that too

Particularly with my immediate family (mother, wife, son), always say "I love you", but lately I realized - and this might just be how I'm feeling this moment, buit I assume the moments will increase - that I want to do it with my friends, but without freaking them out and, although my family gets status updates, except for a very close friend or two, the rest don't.

[slipslidingaway]

9. I think that is such a hard question ...

maybe the best thing to do is not focus on a goodbye per se, but just spend more time with friends and family.

As they say make memories

Those very close to you will be more attuned as to what is occurring at any point in time and we never know exactly when things can take a downward spiral. I've heard the standard anyone can die crossing the street, but they do not always realize the severity of what some people are facing.

Spend time with those on the periphery and whose company you enjoy, but PLEASE do not feel you owe them a goodbye, just lift that burden from your shoulders!!!

Wish I could offer more help

[Solly Mack]

10. I don't know. I've pondered that one for a couple of years now.

[Tab]

11. I haven't quite felt this way before

As my mother phrased it, I'm "feeling my own mortality". And that's true.

I don't know whether I have 6 months or 6 years, but I haven't yet felt this way and I feel like it's accelerating - sleep more, eat little, regular full days are difficult.

I mean, we never know, but maybe we sense? I know animals can do this, and also detect when others are ailing (I've seen this when one of my dogs was dying - invariably the other dogs were very respectful of the sick one. Hard to explain to non-dog owners (no idea what other animals might do the same - haven't observed them). I also find that when I am very sick, my pets come to me to seemingly comfort me, being close, lick repeatedly, etc. Dogs are great (I won't compare them to cats since I'm highly allergic to cats and therefore don't have any).

[Solly Mack]

12. I think it is only natural to feel our own mortality.

I think maybe those of us with things like cancer feel it a bit more than others.

I don't know if that feeling is us sensing the end is near.

I think maybe it's how we come to terms with it. The acceptance comes from all the pondering.

I also think people know their own bodies well enough to know when something has changed.

I'm still working it out. Sorry.

My dogs stayed by my side during my worst days. They were very comforting.

[Tab]

13. Dammit

"I'm still working it out. Sorry."

Dammit, I thought you had all the answers

[Solly Mack]

14. Heh! I wish!