Update on my mom.

[Puzzledtraveller]

My sister just called and said they determined finally she is stage 4. They say maybe 18 months if she does chemo but she is losing so much weight and I'm worried she wouldn't even outlast the therapy. My sister is going to try and get her to use medical mj, at least in terms of how we would have her use it. My sister think it can stimulate her appetite and help her with pain. We are going down there next weekend. I know her just being with us and her new granddaughter could add minutes and more so every second counts. What are the steps to dealing with this? I'm not in denial, and maybe somewhere deep down I was preparing for this because I grew up without her. Only living with her when school was out for summer so I think I always had this, "will this be the last time I see my mom" mechanism since I was a kid. I just don't know.

[CurtEastPoint]

1. Warm thoughts are with you and your Mom.

[Puzzledtraveller]

2. Thank you so much.

[Siwsan]

3. I went through this with my sister, this year

I tried and tried to get her to get her card, and finally after 2 years of nagging, she did. Unfortunately, she was reluctant to use it, and by the time she did, it was really too late. I strongly encourage that your mother try using it now.

I wish I could give you good advice on how to handle this, but it's such an individual thing. I did my best to stay as upbeat as possible, when ever I was with my sister, even at the end when she was so debilitated, and actually pretty much paralyzed.I would just chat, or simply sit and hold her hand. If she needed her head rubbed, we rubbed her head. Her nose itched, we scratched it, for her. When I helped the hospice nurse take care of my sister's personal needs, we always tried to keep a sense of humor about it. We would talk about fond memories and laugh as much as possible.

Towards the very end, I swallowed hard and had 'that talk' with her, telling her how much I loved her and how blessed I was to have her as a sister. And I reassured her that her husband and kids would be fine, since making sure of that would be my new life's mission. So she didn't need to worry. And she knew that, already, so my saying it was more for me, than for her.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Please know I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Puzzledtraveller]

4. Thank you so much

your story helped to get my tears flowing, much needed. It's odd because all this emotion is there and it's like it bottle necks because it's too much. Thank you for sharing your story about your sister it really helped me to read it and I know it must not be easy relating the past time and again so I really am grateful for that.

[Siwsan]

5. And let those tears flow!!

My grief counselor told me to never hold them back - people will understand.

I have lost 3 family members, this year, and I've been doing my best 'stiff upper lip' routine for the past 10 months because I kept telling myself that there was too much to do so I didn't have the time to do proper grieving. Truthfully, I was afraid that if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop.

Then this week the dam broke and I spend two days weeping, pretty much non stop. I won't say I'm healed - I might never be healed, but I am able to focus, better. Grief is like a poison that you have to exorcise out of your system before it builds up.

Any time you need to share with someone, do not hesitate to get in touch.

[slipslidingaway]

6. This may seem trivial, but get you flu shots, if not before the trip then on the way ...

then just try to enjoy the time you have with her, listen to her cues.

There are so many tears to be shared. Did this with my Mom many years ago, she perked up with my then 3 year old daughter singing songs together in a hospital bed. She died when my daughter was 4 and half years old, strangely enough my daughter switched from a business degree to a kinesiology degree and went on to med to school and now is an internal med doc. Maybe all that time visiting my Mom in the hospital had delayed influence years later???

It was a strange and sudden turn of careers ... so take your time, enjoy the time you have, even though it may be stressful and give what you can to your Mom. It may be tough, but you will be happy that you did.

Big hugs for a challenging time, it is not easy, try and make the most of the time you have and then look forward.