How do I get a word in edgewise?

[TrogL]

There are many people who I have to talk to for various reasons but they're impossible to talk to because they never let me finish a sentence of more than three words.

Examples;

I've got a burned out speedometer light on my dash, so I buy the bulb they told me to buy (but I suspect it's actually the odometer light). My ABS is acting up so that dash light is on and it is the right bulb, so I attempt to explain ti the mechanic that the speedometer light is out, I have a bulb but I think it's the wrong one, so if it is, steal the ABS light and use that. He interrupts as soon as he hears that I've git a bulb, saying "so you want me to replace that bulb", then he finally gets it that I want a different bulb replaced, as soon as he hears "ABS" he wants to replace that, so I try a third time. It comes back from the shop with the odometer light replaced, no speedometer light and two others not working.

Tonight I have to explsin to somebody that they have to register to park, no I cannot do anything aboit their old ticket because I don't have the software, and if they're going to be there that often, they should apply to be on the whitelist. Nothing doing. Interrtion after interruption after interruption.

Earlirr tonight I'm explaining that yes, I will hire her friend to do my back yard but I need to be there, yes she can have some paving stones, but the square ones not the curvy ones as I need them. Nothing doing. I get three words out, she's talking again.

Ideas?

[multigraincracker]

1. You are an excellent writer.

Ever thought of carrying a pen and paper. I would have no problem reading part of a conversation.
You could give it a try when shopping.

[Tetrachloride]

2. I'll start with the mechanic.

It sounds like he’s not a jerk.

Try knocking on the counter like a door knocker. When he looks at you, say “What i really need is …. What i really believe is …. and the _____ is not what i want.”

[Gaugamela]

3. There are many people in today's world who simply can't process

more than a few words at a time. I encountered this when I was managing a retail store a couple decades ago and was training new hires. TV, cell phones, video games — they are programmed to react to their first impulse. I think it is a kind of acquired ADD. I realized that I had to communicate with simple declarative sentences. Make one point at a time. If you attempt a complex sentence they immediately stop listening. They simply can’t process it or hear it.

So you say:

1. My speedometer light is out.

You let him talk for awhile so his brain can recharge, then you say:

2. Oh, and my ABS light is acting up.

He talks some more while his brain charges up again.

3. The ABS light is always on.

More chatter.

4. I have this bulb that I think will fix one of them.

More meaningless chatter.

5. This bulb should fix one of them.

Later you come back and the guy says “Hey, I noticed your speedometer light was out. You had the wrong bulb, but I figured out it worked for the ABS light.” Big grin.

It’s not you. It’s just a different generation or mindset.

[TrogL]

6. I have auditory processing deficit, but this sounds like something else

I can listen to great long streams of speech, as long as there's no background noise or other people talking at which point it degrades into gibberish and static.

My favourite bedtime listening is a guy who goes on and on and on about fixing industrial HVAC units.

From what you're saying, these people can barely make it through a simple sentence before their talk button lights up.

I learned "one person talks at a time" in Kindergarten (even though I flunked fir other social reasons).

Has this changed?

[CraftyGal65]

17. To be fair...

My son has auditory disorder, so I’m more familiar than most. I’m used on doing mental somersaults to get what needs to be accomplished. It’s frustrating trying to explain to others about how TrogL’s brain is hardwired. This is frustrating for all concerned.

Teaching social skills is interesting it’s like herding cats of which neither of mine like to follow directions. This morning TrogL had to grab our male cat because I need home care (another thread) to help me do grooming. Also it was super hot and he slept with me all night which meant I didn’t sleep.

I’m often get caught in the middle with my friend & TrogL she doesn’t really understand that instructions need to one at a time. I used a lot of lists with my son which helped his morning and afternoon schedules.

It’s interesting at times…lol.

[TrogL]

13. UPDATE

My boss has an autistic son so he "gets" me.

He services my car, which is a work vehicle. When he heard i wanted to add some spotlights, nothing would do but I had to bring it over then he built a frame for the switch panel. We had an animated discussion about the wiring because I'm into electronics where everything is grounded within an inch of its life and he said chassis ground was acceptable and I went "ewww" but we agreed to disagree and ended up compromising.

I had him pull the instrument panel (I don't have the finger strength to get the wiring harness loose) then I started checking bulbs, then he got interested and we discovered the mechanic had damaged some of the bulbs and others were blown. Turns out my boss had spares, so we replaced all the bulbs, except I pulled the ABS and TCS bulbs and put them away for safekeeping until I can afford to get the ABS fixed. I've run diagnostics on it but can't find the fault.

All in all an excellent day and he didn't interrupt me once.

What The Fuck?

[Tetrachloride]

4. Regarding the landscaping

This sounds tricky. Send text messages and email to make sure on the stones.

(I had a roommate who thought it was his right to interrupt. I turned off the internet.)

You could call her on the phone while she is right in front of you.

[Skittles]

5. request they listen to you

say, for example: may I explain without interruption, thank you, then proceed

then if they proceed to interrupt, quickly hold up your hand in front of you (as if you were a Supreme singing STOP! in the name of love......)

[TrogL]

7. Yeah, "can I get a word in edgewise" hasn't been working for me

[TrogL]

14. My wife gets it

She lets me babble away about all sorts of weird stuff like religious esoterica, computer systems and Jungian psychology, making prompting noises in the right places until I run out of gas.

A little while later I'll hear an outraged shriek from the living room followed by "will you PLEASE keep YOUR SHIT out of MY TV shows!!!", usually because somebody has started in about Jungian stuff during one of her crime shows.

[Skittles]

15. heh

I love crime shows - it's not the blood and gore, it's the chase (hunting down the culprits) that I find fascinating.

We all have our quirks / issues, TrogL - for me, it is misophonia - some noises (usually repetitive) just drive me NUTS. I actually have to remove myself from some situations because I cannot bear it.

[CraftyGal65]

16. Yep that's me

[Tetrachloride]

8. i was wondering of something noisy such as

a tiny bell or a squeaky toy.

Troll them.

[littlemissmartypants]

9. Kill them with kindness. I know it seems counterintuitive but it might work.

Point out how much you appreciate a good listener. Feed their ego. Something like this...

"I really appreciate you taking the time to really listen to my problems. It's so rare to have someone that cares about hearing and helping people. How do you do it?"

Then let them beam with pride and ramble on. Then when they take a breath and give you a break for your response be ready with an alternate of choice question like...

"I was wondering if __ or __ would be the best option for this?"...whatever the problem is. Make sure you’re providing them with the answers you expect up front. You're giving them the opportunity to take credit for the fix/help and you'll be heard while you direct the conversation.

Continue to compliment their listening skills. Even if they are really not so good at it, they will have to keep that notion in the forefront of their mind.

Use questions to control the conversation and redirect them back to the primary topic if they digress or try to inject unhelpful topics into the discourse. Don't let it become a discussion but reign in conversation by repeating the main issue. Use the alternate of choice question as many times as necessary.

Continue to compliment them while you make your ultimate point.

Thank them preemptively. Even if they digress, try to rush you, aren't really listening or change the subject. Redirect them and thank them for understanding __ (your problem, what you want, the final outcome) as many times as it takes as they ramble on.

Let them ramble. Compliment them on their broad knowledge or many ideas but then redirect them to the issue and continue to provide them with the solution. But in the form of a question.

By repeatedly using questions, especially what are referred to as alternate of choice questions, you can keep a rambling conversation on track. Then hopefully, they should give you the answers and solutions you want and need because you will be giving them the answer you know you want/need. But in the form of a question.

That's all I can think about as suggestions. Except remember that the people who are the most exasperating are the ones who need our patience and compassion the most.

I hope you find some of these things helpful, TrogL. I'll be hoping it works for you. Good luck!

❤️ pants

[3Hotdogs]

10. Write it out. Or.....

Finger up or hand up (stop position) "Let me finish explaining. Then I want to hear your --- information ----explanation---suggestion."

[Beatlelvr]

11. OMG

I have a few friends who do that. When they interrupt mid sentence, I interrupt them and say, "i'm not finished". They get my frustration but they keep doing it. Good people just rude sometimes, but of course they don't think they are being rude.

[MLAA]

12. Hold up your hand and say WAIT I need to finish. Say it as strongly as you can without yelling ❤️

[cksmithy]

18. I am married to an asperger's like person.

What I would like from him is short sentences explaining the problem. I have to ask a lot of questions to figure out the problem, which is very frustrating. My suggestion is to ask specific questions to figure out the problem or have talking points ready to try and explain the problem. Try to have a few points you want to convey, and then do not stop talking until the other person says "So you mean/or you want info about...." Then interrupt if they don't understand you, it is ok to interrupt.

[TrogL]

19. My God when did people's listening skills get so bad?

I do parking enforcement for a living.

Her: Did you ticket me? I live in the blue building and was just going to register.

Me: That parking is for the red building. To park there you need to know the PIN code.

Her: I'm going to move my vehicle.

Me: Do you ...

Her: I was going to register.

Me: (hand up as suggested) Do...

Her: i move mu vehicle. (Her boyfriend is now giggling)

Me: DO YOU KNOW THE PIN CODE???!!???

Ger: (shocked silence). Yes