Please, Tell me about

[Ilsa]

"One Day at a Time.". In a few sentences, what does that mean to someone recovering from addiction? Does this approach preclude one from planning?

The reason I ask is that I know someone who has told me this to avoid looking ahead, making plans, and taking responsibility for his/her life.

[annabanana]

1. I think it's this:

The past is done, and cannot be undone. Dwelling too much on it can keep someone from doing the right thing right now because you think it'll be just like the past.

The future is never what we expect it to be, and when we worry to much about tomorrow (and the tomorrows after that) it just plain looks too big to fix, and hopelessness can set in.

Another way of saying this is to encourage someone just to do "the next right thing" (another AA saying).

Someone suffering an addiction has a lot on their plate, and it can take every ounce of energy they possess to make just today not a train wreck.

[Ilsa]

2. Thanks for the help.

I really appreciate you taking the time to help me see it. It will help me understand the addict I am having to deal with.

[Old Codger]

3. One Day at a Time

Means just what it says, you make it one day at a time nothing really to do with the past except in the context of you are trying to quit using whatever your drug of choice happens to be and you are doing it one day at a time some times it comes down to one hour or even one minute at a time, whatever it takes to accomplish your goal of sobriety of freedom from whatever drugs you prefer.
It does not preclude planning ahead at all but planning to much can overwhelm your program so it needs to be kept within a small range, failures to meet goals can jeopardize your entire program by failing to meet goals. So the KISS procedure is best (Keep It Simple Stupid)

[Ilsa]

4. Thank you. While I had

Heard some of what you said before, your elaboration has clarified some things, plus, you've answered that question. I appreciate your thoughtful response.

[Old Codger]

5. For You

Doing things for yourself is important if you are attempting to assist someone else in recovery and some understanding of the programs is a good step. Have you looked into Alanon and other programs for those that are attached to addicts/alcoholics (referred to as co-dependents) My wife found it very helpful to go to actual AA meetings rather than alanon...

[Ilsa]

6. Those of us closest

to this person can't get them motivated to do anything. Out of work for 2+ years, unemployment and savings gone, won't take other part time work to help support him/herself to alleviate some of the burden of living expenses. Wants others (family) to pay his ongoing food and medical expenses. Pot is his drug of choice. Says he/she can't plan beyond a few days.

Everyone is at wit's end. I'll look into getting to a daytime meeting if it'll help me get a handle on what has to be allowed to happen.

[Old Codger]

7. OK then

You nor anyone else can do much for this person if they are unwilling to admit to a problem and become willing to accept help, he/she has to decide that they need the help and become willing to take any and all necessary steps. The attitude you infer from this person is normal denial. Have you tried and intervention? You need help to help you to understand a very complex situation. Go to meetings for yourself not for the addict, the addict has to accept the fact that he/she needs help before he/she will take necessary action. I am assuming that they deny they have a problem and are unwilling to attend any type of meeting. Go to meetings your self, talk to people there ask if anyone is willing to help with staging an intervention. As long as you and others continue to assist this person you are enabling them to continue, it is hard to make the moves but it is needed, it is referred to as the old cliche "Tough Love". Please continue to post here as to any progress you make, there are a lot of people here who are smarter than I am on this and I would like to see what they may see in this situation.

[Ilsa]

8. Thank you for the encouragement.

May I email you something through DU?

[Old Codger]

9. You may do that

I am serious about wanting to stay in touch and hear of any progress or lack thereof...This a serious problem and people involved on all sides are deeply affected not just the addict.

[NMDemDist2]

10. of course you plan

you just don't get 'married' to the results.

i used to have a t-shirt..on the front it said "Tell God your plans for the day" on the back "He needs a good laugh"

One Day at a Time (ODAAT) is just a way of saying we only have to stay sober TODAY. just one day.

when i was new i got through some pretty hard days promising myself 'You can drink tomorrow, just don't drink RIGHT NOW'

as far as planning, i plan, but i am flexible and willing to change course with no regrets when things change.

you're getting sold a load of something, tell this other person you'd like their sponsor's take on ODAAT

all that being said, with a very new person one day may be all they can handle and if you love them, you might consider giving them some space.

[Ilsa]

11. Thank you for those great explanations of how it feels and how it works.

I remember that I had to use ODAAT after going through a horrible trauma (a felony assault that I lived through) twenty years ago. It kept me alive when i wanted to give up. But I was still able to plan ahead. And yes, I've heard of various re-phrasings of God laughing at our plans --life gets in the way of plans, doesn't it?

This person is not new to dealing with their addiction. They've had multiple relapses after rehab. Part of the problem is that others and I would Love to give them "space", but they've become totally dependent on others for their existence. Yet, that isn't "rock-bottom" for them as they still find ways to use. (There are details I can not delve into online, of course.)

It is possible that this person's executive thinking skills have been impacted by long term drug use. And it's possible that if he goes through periods of abstinence that concentration may be messed up, so maybe that is a factor. But from what I read here, I am more convinced that this person is delaying taking responsibility for his/her life.

Thank you again for your explanations. It helps lay it out plainly for someone who hasn't had to make a life-long struggle like this.

[NMDemDist2]

12. i agree with the poster above about an intervention

if your addict isn't going to meetings and isn't willing to 'be self supporting through their own contributions' it's time to kick them to the curb until they get serious.

sorry you're in this position, it sux to love us when we're in the middle of the disease

[Ilsa]

13. Thank you for the support. The only thing about

an intervention is that only one loved one is nearby. The other loved ones are 200-1000 miles away.

Thank you for reminding me to keep it real about the disease process and that this person may have to be left curbside before making a real effort, pain for all of us.

[Stuart G]

14. Staying in the present...today..

If the shit in the past, is unbearable..well, it is in the past..can you change it??? While we do plan for the future, those plans need not
overcome today. For, if tomorrows plans..overcome today, with worry, fear, indecision..then what can you do today?? ,
,,Today was an anniversery of sorts for me..a year ago, I had heart surgery...I have survived, but I had a lot to do today...like go to a couple of meetings, get ready for a trip that I am going on, call some people, etc. So, while the heart surgery went ok, other things in the last year did not..very bad...so what is it going to be..worry about that shit that went bad, or try to do what is important now...?? and it was very very hurtfull stuff, and very sad stuff about loved ones dieing...so what can I do to change that??

Cause I can get lost in yesterday, or...worry about tomorrow...and I have been lost in those to entites,,,but what good does that do??
That is what ...............try to stay in today....and...if those thoughts come up, and they do, then no beating myself over having those thoughts...they come up...try to change those thoughts, by using some techniques that work:..meditation...hot baths, quiet music, calling friends, watching happy tv...old comedies, ..exercize..walking...hobbies...etc..

.that is what..."one day at a time" means for me.....................Stuart

[Ilsa]

15. Thank you very much...

It appears to mean slightly different things to each person, and this is how I'm learning -- from everyone here.

I'm still dealing with owning my own feelings about this person, although I realize I'll probably be letting go. There's too much dishonestly and manipulation by him/her.

I'm sorry you had to endure that surgery, but your breadth of activities for today is a testament to how vital and alive you are! Congratulations on taking great care of yourself!

[tavalon]

16. No, I can make plans, I just have to have a flexible outlook,

which if you think about it, is probably the way we all should look at it. I mean, the past is done, tomorrow is just imaginings and the only moment that is really happening is this moment. And so on.

But imagining (planning) is good and can be fun as long as it doesn't have to be cemented into place. Because, well, life intervenes.

I think my life would be more of a wreck if I didn't have a plans, short term and long. But the only day, hour, minute that matters is this one.

[Ilsa]

17. Thank you!

Everyone's take on this varies, even just a little.
I needed to know because of what had been said to be once, offered as an excuse, for not looking ahead.
Even though the OP is old, reviewing it helps my understanding of what recovering folks are dealing with, and to some degree, what I can expect.
Peace.

[Taverner]

18. It's also "I am not going to do X today - No idea about tomorrow, but today I will not do X"

[Ilsa]

20. Thank you...

That is probably closest to what I thought it means to most before this person tried to subvert the meaning to me.
Best wishes in your recovery.

[Fire Walk With Me]

19. Avoidance of responsibility won't work for very long for an alcoholic/addict.

"One day at a time" means to me that here, now, today, this minute, I =need= to take the actions which will bring me closer to the higher power which removes from me this disease, and makes me useful to others in return for the favor (and as a superior way of living). Pages 84 and up talk about how to move into each day.

I once heard at a meeting, "Are you in your last 30 days?" Are you using the tools which separate you from the system and tools which keep you alive? Missing meetings? Not calling others and your sponsor? No commitments at meetings? No time for prayer and meditation? Not enlarging your spiritual life on a daily basis? All of these are increments away from survival. Working the tools of the program on a daily basis are increments towards survival (yours and those whom you would help). Have to build those muscles on a daily basis. You don't get muscles if you don't work them. You don't get muscles from reading about exercise. You get them by doing what it takes. Same with eating. You'll die if you don't. This is spiritual "eating".

[Ilsa]

21. Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I like the meaning and implication of "Are you in your last 30 days," if I understand it to mean the recovering addict is suppose to be growing and using new tools as developed and exercising old ones, including contact with one's higher power. I can see how this could keep a person's thought processes fresh and ready. Thank you.

[ismnotwasm]

22. It's actually a beautiful philosophy

My husband calls it "being in the here and now" he'll use it as a meditation technique (not a meditation kind of guy) listening to the sound around you, becoming aware off the moments you are in

Also, as they say in meetings "if you have one leg in tomorrow and one leg in yesterday, chances are you're pissing all over today"

Or "you can make all the plans you want, just don't plan on the outcome"

Or "Do the next, right, indicated thing"

Responsibility is what recovery is about, not avoidance of it; checking personal responsibility for ones actions, what you own and what you don't and learning the difference between the two. That's why we say "keep our side of the street clean" not to point fingers, but to stay spiritually fit. And we do that one day at a time.

[Ilsa]

23. You're right, it is a beautiful philosophy.

Thank you very much. Some of those sayings are new to me.

Being in the here-and-now is something I am frequently having to work on.