How do I know if I'm an alcoholic?

[Not Heidi]

All I have to go on are these:

1. I usually have a drink at any opportunity: out to dinner, offered a beer at a friend's house, having a shot if there's any vodka in the house . . .

2. I try to keep vodka in the house. My roommate drinks it, too

3. Sometimes, when I'm buying a bottle at BevMo, I'll get a couple of those tiny bottles - and drink them on the way home. Yes, while driving home

I know I can live without it. I don't crave it; I don't get drunk - I don't even get tipsy. My roommate can buy her own.

But being able to quit (as I know I am) doesn't equal quitting. These are my questions for the ether: am I an alcoholic? Do I need to quit?

Please offer your opinions.

[XanaDUer2]

1. Drinking while driving is concerning

Even though you say you don't get drunk. Why do you drink if you don't crave it? Is it social? Can you try to go a few days wo drinking?

[Not Heidi]

3. Why?

I do not know why I drink without craving it. It's not a social thing. Yes, drinking while driving is concerning. But I honestly don't think about what I'm doing - nor do I even give it a thought as I'm buying the tinys.

Weird: I'd just as soon have a Coke as a beer. Yet I accept the beer.

I can go without drinking. Today I'll start a week without drinking and see what happens. May I send you a message, let you know how it's going?

[XanaDUer2]

4. Sure

Were her for support.

[Not Heidi]

12. Thank you. n/t

[Maraya1969]

40. When you are drinking you are not craving. It is only when you try to stop that the cravings come.

That's one thing I know even though I have only stopped for 2 days! The other thing about drinking in the car is it is illegal to have any open liquor bottles in the car so if you get stopped you can be prosecuted.

[irisblue]

2. Drinking 'shooters' as you drive home is scary. You really do not want to hurt anyone else.

Cops really do not like that action & counties make ALOT of money off DUI charges.

A question, can you not drink alcohol of any type from today till next Tuesday?

[Not Heidi]

13. That's what I intend to do, irisble.

Thanks for the word about police. That won't be my incentive not to drink those tinys on the road, but it's good to know.

[MiniMe]

5. The fact thaat you don't get drunk or tipsy is also concerning

Either you are g4etting drunk and don't realize it, or your tolerance is incredibly high.

[Not Heidi]

14. Hmm...

How can I tell I'm drunk if I'm not visibly drunk? Because my wife and my roommate will call me out.

How can I tell I'm drunk if I don't feel the effects?

Now: I realize I can be an alcoholic even if there are no outward signs.

[MiniMe]

16. As several others suggested, try a breathalyzer

That will let you know if you are "legally" drunk.

[happybird]

6. Do you use Zoom?

I would say go to an AA meeting on Zoom, just listen, and see if you can relate to what people are talking about. There’s a lot more to being an alcoholic than the act of drinking. There are behavioral traits and ways of thinking virtually all addicts/alcoholics have in common, and many feel drinking is simply a symptom.

Meetings marked as Open mean anyone is welcome, not just alcoholics. Lots of folks drop in to just listen.

I attend NA meetings every day on Zoom and it’s a great platform, especially if you are curious and want to be incognito at first.

Or look for an in-person meeting locally. The folks are very welcoming, not judgmental, and would be more than happy to chat with you and answer any questions after the meeting.

Here’s a link to Zoom meetings. One of the cool things is you can attend online anywhere in the world! And any time of day or night. I visit Scotland a lot, the accents are fabulous!
https://aa-intergroup.org/meetings/

[Not Heidi]

15. Interesting idea.

If I can remember, I might do it. I can't promise, partly because my memory was largely wiped out by five months of ECT last year.

But I'll come back to this thread to reread everything and try to assimilate what you all say. (I think all; I haven't read everything yet.) So I will be reminded of Zoom.

Thank you, happybird.

[happybird]

17. You are most welcome

Sending you love and positive energy
❤️

[Voltaire2]

7. It is of course the drunk driving that is a red flag.

I liked alcohol, and for me anyway, the only problem was that I would invariably end up in situations where I had to drive drunk. But that is just a huge problem. So I stopped. It wasn't exactly easy, but not nearly as horrible as tobacco. Nearly 40 years later I still miss it as I was much more social when I drank.

[Not Heidi]

18. Thank you, Voltaire2

for pointing that out as the big red flag.

[bif]

8. Quit for a month

If you can do it, you're probably not an alcoholic. May I suggest you check out a SMART recovery meeting on Zoom. You can just listen. I've been doing them for 5 1/2 years and they keep me grounded. I like SMART better than AA, but that's just my preference. I won't knock any from of recovery--whatever works for you. Here's a link:

https://smartrecovery.org

It's an international organization so there are meetings going on around the clock.
Best of luck!

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

[Not Heidi]

19. I've committed to quit for a week.

I honestly don't know if I should commit for a month, because if I fail I'll feel like absolute shit.

OTOH, if I commit for a month and I make it, I've got something to be proud of.

I doubt I'll think of little else in the next few days.

Thank you, bif.

[bif]

24. You shouldn't feel like shit if you fail

You just get back up and start over. No biggie. That's part of the SMART philosophy.

[Not Heidi]

25. Thank you.

I will check out SMART. As an atheist, I'd have a hard time with AA.

[bif]

29. That's exactly why I chose SMART

Here's the word on relapsing with SMART. Let's say you're driving from New York to San Fransisco and you get a flat in Chicago. You don't go back to New York and start over. You fix the flat and continue on your journey. You use what you've learned on the way to become stronger. Some organizations tell you you're a total failure and you need to start back at step one. Doesn't make sense to me.

But I'm not knocking other recovery groups. Whatever works.

[happybird]

33. I'm going to check them out, also

Thanks for the info. (:

I’m agnostic and stick mostly to NA. Have even found some secular NA meetings online (meh), but have a feeling my spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof, will eventually clash with the Program.

My homegroup looks at the whole High Power thing as a mechanism for letting things go so you don’t dwell and obsess on them. The group is my HP, I don’t feel the need to use when I am with them, we have fun and support each other through tough days, and that works for me now, but I wonder how long that will be the case? They say using the group as your HP is a temporary thing until you get the “spiritual awakening.” Mmhmm. That ain’t happening. I’ve left it alone for now, and if it happens it does and if not… Maybe SMART is the answer and I can hybrid both into something that works for me.

[bif]

36. You don't need to stick to one form of recovery.

I'm an agnostic as well. That's why I initially gravitated to SMART. It stands for Self Management and Recovery Training and is based on scientific, evidence-based ways of managing addiction. There are workbooks available and a bunch of material on line if you're interested. Good luck!

Please feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

[Bristlecone]

9. If once you start, you can't stop - that's a good indication

I always thought I could quit at any time, and that I just didn’t want to. I loved to drink.

But at some point, I really wanted to and could not. Quitting for a week or a month is not the measure I’m sorry to say. I’ve done that countless times. It’s stopping and staying stopped.

If you are wondering if you are an alcoholic or not, that might or might not be an indication. Drinking shooters on the drive home is certainly symptomatic. High tolerance also symptomatic.

Here is an AA self test: https://www.aa.org/faq/am-i-alcoholic

There are many other recovery orgs or tools also, not just AA.

Stay active here, we want to help.

[Not Heidi]

20. Thank you, Bristlecone,

for all you offered.

I will take the quiz and come back with the result.

[LuvLoogie]

10. How old are you? Do you have kids?

Does it ever or regularly affect your workday?

[Not Heidi]

21. 61, n/k, retired

It doesn't affect my day whether I'm writing, reading, doing laundry . . . . I am able to do whatever I need to do.

[LuvLoogie]

23. I think that as long as you get regular check ups/bloodwork

to make sure your systems are okay, you eat well and exercise, and your relationships are healthy, I'd say you're okay...

Except for the fact that you are questioning it for yourself. You indicate some concern. You are getting older, so maybe you have a natural inclination to reduce your intake. Also the drinking and driving is flirting with disaster. Don't do it.

The thing is, whether someone says it's okay or not okay isn't going to be as important as what you say to yourself in the mirror. Instead of having alcohol as an accessory, be mindful and give your attention to your beverage. Really take time to choose something good and savor it. Whether it is a pairing with food or a good little warming buzz.

You're an adult. You're allowed. Just be careful. Mind your health and safety.

[getagrip_already]

11. Well, just to be sure while driving....

You can buy a portable breathalyzer for fairly short money. A quick search had them from $20 and up. Check yourself before you leave and when you get home. It may surprise you.

You may not think you are drunk, but a dui will set you back about $10k in fines, court fees, and lawyers. Then your employment doors start to slam shut. Really not worth it. And all it need cost you is a call to a friend or an uber if you know.

The good news is you are worried enough to ask. You may not have any problem, but then again.... It can be a slippery slope. An extra drink here. A larger drink at home. It all adds up.

[Not Heidi]

22. That's a very good idea, getagrip

I'll check into a breathalyzer.

Thank you

[Croney]

26. You are brave to be so honest.

You could have omitted the bit about drinking while driving, but you knew that was important and that people would jump on that (and rightly so). My daughter lost her leg because of a drunk driver. I wish that driver had been as brave as you.

Good luck, the solution is in your hands and it sounds like you're going in the right direction.

[Wifes husband]

28. Come on

This is not brave and honest. Exactly the opposite. Drinking and driving risks the safety of other people and cannot be justified.

[Croney]

34. What is brave and honest is saying, "I admit that I am drinking and driving."

The few times in my life I've done it (long ago) I would have protected that secret with every lie in the book. It is incredibly brave to confess on a public forum that one is doing something awful. They know they're wrong; no need to pile on.

[Wifes husband]

35. You are just wrong

Calling someone brave when they admit they are breaking the law and risking the lives of innocent people is enabling behavior. This doesn't help anyone. This individual is obviously asking for help, a good thing. They need honesty, not "understanding"

[Croney]

37. You are just wrong.

[Wifes husband]

27. COME ON

You already know the answer. You know or you would not be asking. This is classic denial and bargaining.

AA does help. There is not the emphasis on religion that most people think. I have not been to a meeting in years, but they did help me, and going to a meeting cannot hurt. Going to a meeting the first time takes courage. Do you have that much courage?

If you really want a test, here is one.
Drink two drinks a day every day for a month. No more and no less. A drink is a beer, 4 oz of wine, shot of liquor.

Don't miss a day of the month. Two drinks a day, no more, no less. I have been sober 32 years, never heard of an alcoholic who could pass this test.

Also, if you think drinking and driving is in any way justified, you are delusional and self absorbed. A DUI should not be your main concern. You can KILL someone.

[Blues Heron]

30. I think you already know the answer

You should go alcohol free asap. No more liquor stores, bottles, minis in the car, etc. Your body will thank you.

[cate94]

31. If you don't crave it

Why would you buy the small bottles and drink them on the way home? The little ones are expensive and you risk open liquor and DUI citations. Regardless of whether you quit alcohol or not, please quit doing this.

[DEbluedude]

32. Only you can make that determination.

If you're thinking about it, you may well be an alcoholic. People who drink "normally" usually don't have these types of thoughts. Go to an AA meeting. It may help you find an answer. Good luck!

[demosincebirth]

38. Just asking that question you probably have a drinking problem.

[Mark.b2]

39. When I found myself at the liquor store three times a week buying...

a jug (1.75L) of Tito’s. My wife got to where she’d notice and say something when I’d bring in a new jug and say something like “didnt you buy one only a couple days ago?” Then, I learned not to bring one in when she could see me. Then, I’d keep a jug in my car’s trunk and pour from there, so the one in the house wouldnt empty so fast.

I devoted a lot of brain energy in finding ways to make it seem like I didnt drink much.

I was very deceptive with my wife.

Many nights I would black out and wake up the next morning with no memory of who won the game I was watching or how that episode of Yellowstone ended that we were watching. I would appear sober but my mind wasnt recording any memories! It’s a bad feeling, frankly.

Almost two years of counseling and now i have only an occasional drink. But, I dont keep any liquor at home. I miss it sometimes, but it has gotten easier over time.

And it’s soooo much nicer not having chats with my wife about how i drank too much the previous night!