A little over a year ago.

[boston bean]

A little over a year ago, there was much friction amongst feminists on DU.

I played a part in that, that I would like to apologize for.

In the heat of things I demanded things, I should not have demanded, nor had a right to demand. I was part of making our minor differences turn into what appeared to be deep chasms between feminists and that has given some on DU a cudgel to hang over feminists heads.

I think over time that cooler heads have prevailed amongst feminists. But an apology was also due to those that I maligned and/or hurt.

Please accept my apologies for my part in that turmoil.

[kdmorris]

1. Accepted...and I offer mine, too

I know that you and I have gone around a few times and I've said things that I shouldn't because I was angry or hurt.

To you and to all of the others that I may have hurt, I offer my apology, as well.

One thing that being on MIRT did for me is realize that some of the people I thought I had a real problem with...I didn't know very well. Spending 6 months on MIRT with them allowed me to get to know them and it was then that I realized that...I can disagree with some of the positions held by others, but, in the end, they are really good people who, if I met them in real life, I would probably like quite a bit. It was eye opening in that I realized that good people can disagree and still respect each other. After all, we are all on the same side.

[boston bean]

2. Accepted, as well. Thank you, kd for accepting mine.

[redqueen]

3. I apologize too, for my part.

I was ignorant of some issues and I got defensive and also got played by some trolls. I've learned a lot since then and I'm sorry to anyone I hurt by my actions or words.

[Little Star]

4. I also would like to offer my apologies for letting my anger...

get the best of me at the time. I've learned a lot since then and one of those things I've learned is that we DUfeminists have more in common than we could ever have dividing us.

I hope members of this group can accept my sincere apology for the part I played in that. I also wish I had apologized for my part sooner than now.

United we stand. Divided we fall.

With best thoughts and wishes to my sisters in this group, LS

[Texasgal]

5. I would like to offer up my apologies

as well, I was caught up in something that I had no business being involved in.

I've often thought about my role in this debacle and I am ashamed. I have much to learn and gain from all the Women on DU.

I hope that you all can forgive me for my behavior.

[Gormy Cuss]

6. Thank you for this, boston bean

Last edited Thu Mar 14, 2013, 03:58 PM - Edit history (1)

and the others who have offered apologies here.
I too would like to apologize for adding to the rancor.

We share the same big goals. That we disagree on some of the details, meh.

[boston bean]

12. Thank you Gormy, that is exactly how I feel.

Thank you for your graciousness.

[CreekDog]

7. Thanks for this post

and also for the olive branch you offered a while back.

that was gracious of you.

[boston bean]

13. Hey CD! It was very gracious of you as well to accept the olive branch!

Thank you!

[Starry Messenger]

8. DU Feminists all rock.

It's good to see everyone shoulder to shoulder again. We all need each other.

[CreekDog]

9. +1

[Starry Messenger]

11. Nice to see you, Creeky. :)

[boston bean]

14. It does feel nice.

Thanks Starry!

[Starry Messenger]

17. Thank you, BB!

[sufrommich]

15. Yes,yes we do!

Here's hoping we get Yardwork and Obamanut2012 back soon.

[Starry Messenger]

18. I'm really hoping that too.

I miss them both to pieces.

to everyone!

[Zorra]

22. :)

[DevonRex]

29. Yes, they do. I never even thought of myself that way until

I met you and yardwork and Boston bean. And on and on, as the issues kept hitting us. Funny, but we had all had political disagreements, sometimes cyber knockdown drag-outs. Then we found ourselves protecting the very person we had argued with in the past.

Just so you all know, it's not that I didn't like the label of feminist. It's that I've been a loner my entire life. And there's a part of my story of being raped that impacted my relationships with other women. I had just accepted that female friendships wouldn't be a part of my life. Until DU.

Cyber friendships aren't exactly the same, but it's a start. I miss yardwork.

[Starry Messenger]

30. ((hugs))

I think people tend to naturally band together when they see the same kind of attacks coming over and over on the group that they exist in. Most of us have common experiences as women, and we all see the same patterns. You come to realize that the things we all might have disagreed on before shouldn't keep us from trying to use our combined voices to try to effect some kind of change.

I'm a rather shy person irl (which always makes people who've met me here laugh, but it is true) and I know how difficult it can be to overcome fears and misgivings and try to reach out and build bridges. You've always been a person who was about that.

Some of my closest friends are people I've 'met' here, the majority close women friends. Some don't come here much anymore and are on Facebook, some are still here slogging away.

I miss yardwork and obamanut2012 and many others. I'm glad to see you here!

[DevonRex]

31. Where's

Obamanut??? Dammit. I haven't been around as much. It's just hard to know where to fit now. I've changed. This place has changed. Friends are gone. But I didn't know Obamanut was gone, too.

[Starry Messenger]

32. Yeah, she told me she was taking a long break.

I hope she comes back. I'm thrilled to see you. I've been busy off-line (I got married! ) and sometimes I look at GD and think, geeze, where to even start anymore.

[DevonRex]

33. Oh dear.

I replied yesterday but somehow it didn't get posted. Perhaps I hit the preview button? Grumble grumble. It was funny, too! Sage advice about getting to know all about each other now, while you're still young and beautiful. Before hair starts sprouting out of the most unlikely places and in colors previously unknown to man or woman.

Seriously, though, congratulations! And remember, marriage is wonderful. It's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.

[url=http://www.desismileys.com/][img][/img][/url]

[Whisp]

19. That's good of you to say that, bb.

And I'm sorry I was a bit harsh too. I know you and I were knocking heads here and there.

But you didn't hurt me at all, bb. Exasperated a bit maybe , but I was not hurt.

Someone else tho was really hurt and I hope you make a private apology?

That would be great, but of course that's your call.

(ah, I just realized this is posted in Feminism not HoF).

[Neoma]

20. Just my thoughts.

All of you are still on my jury blacklist... I'll remove the only person I blocked mail from. And two or three are missing here, but one of them would have to be a hell of a lot more personal than this.

Is my name still Voldemort (she-who-must-not-be-named)? And, it's the right type of apology but is it a real one? There's doubt.

I can understand some mangled confusion and manipulation. But no one has ever directly asked me a question via Du Mail. Except to yell at me anyways. I can count on my fingers how many times I've openly talked about the flame-war after the flame-war. I'm still on fucking eggshells here, which shouldn't be right.

Just understand that trust has been thrown out the window. I've been open to apologies all along. But meanness was there long after the flame-war. Denial of things, rehashing things, back and forth fights that ends up pissing everyone off. There's a lot to answer for. I judge the entire incident worse than the emotional abuse I grew up with, and that's saying something.

It's going to have to be a whole lot more in depth than this.

[boston bean]

21. Hi Neoma, I am so happy you responded to this thread.

I was afraid that my apology may seem to broad to some.

But please know that it was meant for everyone, specifically including you.

It is an apology for everything. I showed little respect for my feminist colleagues during that time, and I was wrong.

I hope you can accept this apology with the intent it was written, to apologize to you and every other single person whom I did a wrong to.

[HappyMe]

23. Too little, too late.

[stevenleser]

24. I apologize for my part in the friction with HoF as well.

I look forward to working together with all feminists on DU.

[boston bean]

25. Thanks Steven. That means a lot.

I also look forward to working with all feminists on DU!

[libodem]

26. I want to say I'm sorry too

We are all on the same side really, and I have felt uncomfortable with the division between all of us. I hope it can be healed and learned from.

I don't want a man to tell me what to think, do, or say, but I will not tolerate being told what to think, do, or say, by a woman, who considers herself my better because she believes her personal philosophy is superior to mine.

I'm going to think what I think and believe what I'm going to believe. I'm still cautions about saying what I'm going to say because I don't like feeling castigated from a group I have identified with for the last 30 years.

I would like to have an agree to disagree policy and stay friendly even though there may be differences on some fundamental issues. Sometimes it feels as if there has been an effort to drum dissenters out of the groups or see them driven from the site entirely.

[hlthe2b]

27. There is a lot of class being shown by DUers in this thread...

I heartily concur and hope to do my part to continue bridging any past differences among DU's feminists and other supportive allies.

[JTFrog]

28. Thank you for taking this step here.

I would also like to apologize. I waded into a situation that I was fairly clueless about. I didn't know what had started it or who had what history here. I had never participated in the feminist groups on DU. I didn't really understand anything about how safe haven groups worked here. I just saw a 2D picture of what was going on and drew a line and picked a side. Just being honest here.

I am sorry for making demands and for not being more aware of some of the hurtful things that were going on and for my part in prolonging any of that pain.

I'm a fairly abrasive personality here these days. I don't expect anyone to accept my apology. And that's okay. I have been humbled watching the way feminists have come together in the past couple months to address the real issues of the world.

[Jasana]

34. I was not here a year ago so...

I know not of what you speak. I am only glad that you had the dignity to offer an apology. It seems most are willing to forgive and forget. I hope to see you here more often.