In Defense of Single Mothers

[Neoma]

Single mothers have always been picked on. Not only are they doing the hardest job in the world on their own, critics call these women morally bankrupt, their “choice” a disgrace to family values and they often times find a way to link single parents to rising rates of poverty and crime.

But now we know that women have more earning power than ever (though we still have a long way to go)—more than men in some professions, and that many are postponing motherhood so that they can invest in themselves, establish a career, and offer a stable life for themselves and their children. And haven’t we finally killed that antiquated mindset that marriage is the ultimate end game for all women?

Apparently, no. A new study by the Pew Research Center shows that most of the nation thinks single-parent households are detrimental to society.

More at Link

[appleannie1]

1. Which leaves one to wonder what they think of women that have lost their mates to war and are left

with children to raise on their own. Or any widow for that matter. Then there are the women that have had the courage to get out of abusive marriages, some to PROTECT their children. I know Santorum thinks the children are better off raised in that type of environment. Which begs one to wonder how he was raised. There are many reasons why women raise their children alone. The important thing is that the child is raised in a loving environment and taught human decency and self worth. That can be accomplished just fine by one parent.

[Xipe Totec]

2. My fiancee was a single mom

Her daughter, now fully grown, is now a graduate of the prestigious Monterrey Institute of Technology and is getting married next year.

This is an excerpt from one of the letters I wrote to her during our courtship (translated from Spanish):

"Let me begin by expressing my admiration for you, for having the courage to continue your pregnancy, to accept being a single mother and to give birth to a girl. I realize how difficult it must have been for you, knowing what I know of Mexican society. That decision was not easy and frankly, if you had made another decision, you would still have my sympathy and support. Only a woman who lives these circumstances has the right to decide which future to create; a future for one or two human beings. I feel sorry and sad for the man who left you, unaware of the two immense treasures which he threw by the side of the road."

As for me, I'm the luckiest man in the world for having this courageous woman accept me as her partner.

Defense of single mothers? Praise is what they deserve.

[FirstLight]

3. that word bugs the crap out of me...

"choice"

Like I chose to be abandoned in my 8th month of pregnancy at the age of 21...?

Then I waited ten years to remarry... the abuse didn't start until 2 years in (and while pregnant with the second child)... so yea, I'll cop to my CHOICE to leave that situation with my children in tow...and while we may have had some struggles, we are certainly safer and saner.

but ya, there are a lot of factors in single motherhood and choosing to be alone while doing the hardest job on the planet isn;t always the case.

It's like they think we are all "Murphy Brown" ...choosing to have children alone to spurn marriage or whatever.

[grand earth trine]

10. Wouldn't you agree that you might not have been the best chooser of mates?

I mean, if you had two abusers, do you take any responsibility in making those choices? It's not about blame; it's about seeing one's power and freedom.

[FirstLight]

13. no, sorry

it's about context, and it's about blaming the victim. My first husband and i were too young, but we didn't know it at the time, hence, choice was made in full expectation of doing it together, he just bailed when it got too close, normal reaction for the age and immaturity.
second one I had no idea it was like that until after the birth of our first child, by then i thought it was mild, then it got worse as the second pregnancy progressed...by that time I was a prisoner and had to wait and plan the escape.

ya, i know i made choices, but the choice to be alone raising kids wasn't part of it, it was a byproduct. and those who say it like we choose to raise our kids alone are not giving the circumstances credit.
what's the percentage of single women who go out and seek insemination? That is where choice of single motherhood is realistic...the rest of us just ended up with the kids by default, because it is a lot easier for a man to leave it up to us and still be accepted by society. we get labeled the slut or the one who 'chose the wrong guy' and the man gets to walk away guilt free...

[muntrv]

4. What about the man's choice to bail out on the mom? Crickets chirping.

[Neoma]

5. And that happens every single time?

[Marrah_G]

6. Most single mothers don't choose this road

It's an incredibly hard, stressful road to walk. It's tough on the kids too. It would be nice if society supported us instead of trying to blame us for everything

[gkhouston]

8. +1. There have been times in my marriage when my husband had to travel *a lot* for work.

It's hard enough being a married single mom. I can't imagine how hard it would be if he weren't around at all.

[cbrer]

7. Although Biologically Unqualified

to express an opinion on a visceral level, my first impression is that the Pew Research Center has a serious lack of credibility.

[grand earth trine]

9. It may not always fate a child for a bad life

but to celebrate it as a viable lifestyle choice (in other words, INTENTIONAL single parenthood) is repulsive at best. Having two parents (albeit in a healthy marriage, of course) should always be the goal.

[Neoma]

11. It's repulsive to want to be single?

[uppityperson]

12. She's gone. Again.

[naughty nina]

14. Why do you keep stressing the "again" part, dear?

I mean, what are YOU doing here in the first place? Why do feel like policing a frigging board that is not intellectually honest in the first place?

[uppityperson]

15. And she's gone...again.

[occupy this.]

16. My sympathies to your brain.

I meant that it's "repulsive" to want to have a child yet think a mate is optional. I realize that single parents raise lovely kids all the time, BUT the social ills of today can (IMO) be tied to a lack of a father.

[maddezmom]

17. and gone again

[Neoma]

18. This is getting irritably stupid.

[gkhouston]

19. Always a nuisance when the Hanes Outlet is having a sale. n/t

[typhoid mary]

20. Gotcha.

I thought your question to me was playing dumb, since I specified that I detested the idea of having children without a man INTENTIONALLY.

So you really have nothing but just wanted to derail an honest debate.

Gotcha....

[Neoma]

21. I wasn't talking about that.

[ismnotwasm]

22. My guess is

Looking past gender smoke and mirrors, that it's not so much 'single parent' households--a state my husband and myself both participated in--- as lack of support. One can certainly successfully raise a child without a partner, but some sort of family, whether blood related or not, is a good thing. I know Ms. Greer is in a lot of hot water for her transphobic views but in one of her books she said 'America' hates its children. We have no system of nurturing support, supposing I guess, that's Moms job. America doesn't want to pay for, isn't interested in, dislikes if not "hates" the children of 'others'
So rather than supportive communities, ones that nurtures and embraces children, we demonize women for not having the um, excellent good sense to stick that quarter between her knees and just say no.
We're used to being demonized are we not? Call it the apple syndrome.

[efhmc]

23. Now that is an insightful answer.