In 1975, my sister just turned 16 and discovered she was pregnant

[no_hypocrisy]

Last edited Wed Sep 18, 2024, 08:07 AM - Edit history (1)

with her 20 yo boyfriend. Never thought to use birth control.

I was leaving for college and she confided in me.

And I helped her get a LEGAL abortion.

Forget the boyfriend. Minimum wage/HS degree/no money/no brains. It was all on me.

There were several considerations in my decision. First, she was too young to be a mother emotionally and psychologically. She wasn't even mature enough to engage in sex. Next, our father would have been off-the-leash with irrational anger if he knew about the pregnancy. Dad was more than a strict parent. He was the guard to the jail. I had been the Family Scapegoat who allegedly and regularly brought woe to the Family and my sister was The Golden Child. This crisis would have switched our statuses in the family. And part of me would have welcomed it. But I bailed my sister out. Finally, I thought of the proposition if the baby had been carried to term. As previously mentioned, my sister would have failed as a mother. Our mother was more than ambivalent about raising us and I'm certain she wouldn't have assumed responsibility for my sister's baby. Or the baby would have been quietly born and adopted. No good options. So, I gave more than $200 I had saved up over years to my sister. And she had a safe abortion.

Epilogue: My sister continued to go through a multitude of boyfriends, this time with BC. She married and discovered she couldn't conceive. My niece/nephew would be 49 next year. And having time to ruminate, yes, I'd do it again.

[samnsara]

1. about that same time my dtrs 15 yr old friend confided in me she was pregnant.......my husband and i

..helped her obtain a legal abortion in another town. her mom didnt know and i never ever told my dtr. This 15 yr old was threatening suicide and i KNEW she would if she didnt get help. That young woman is in her 50s now..un married ( but in a strong relationship) and no kids..with cats! But at least shes alive.
We stay in touch as her mom just passed and i was her 'second mom' ..........and we NEVER ever bring that incident up.

[Easterncedar]

3. I can imagine how much it meant to her

What a testament to you as a mother that she came to you.

[Easterncedar]

2. Good sister

You saved the day

[TheRickles]

8. For some reason, I assumed no_hypocrisy was being a good brother. :-)

[Easterncedar]

15. Showing my sister bias, I guess!

I have great sisters

[Quakerfriend]

4. Wonderful & loving sister

I had 5 sisters, 14 female cousins & many women as roommates & friends over the years.

~ 50% of all the women I’ve known have had abortions- some of them more than one. And, these are just the women who told me of their abortions.

- Not to mention the ~ 40% of women who have had miscarriages…

Dobbs WILL bring these evil creeps down!! 😡

[Clouds Passing]

5. The family scapegoat is always the helper.

[AllaN01Bear]

6. indeed.

[Farmer-Rick]

7. Yup a lot of women I have known have had abortions

Many are happily married with grown children and full careers now.

Some even agree it was the best decision they have made in life. It allowed them to grow up and have successful careers. Something you could never do in the 70s and 80s as a single mother.

I have noticed that since abortion became legal and fairly common, it took a lot of stigma and shame away from being an unwed mother. No longer do we have to send girls off to Catholic slave labor camps to give birth secretly. No longer do girls have to give up their babies to nuns who sell them off to rich parents.

Have you noticed that as the religiously insane get their misogynist and superstitious laws and regulations passed, more and more stigma is being put on the heads of unwed mothers? Single mothers are being ostracized again.

In many ways legal and safe abortions have greatly improved the lives of our mothers, sisters and daughters. Now we need to give the same opportunities to our granddaughters.

And only Kamala and Walz offer that opportunity.

[jaxexpat]

16. The abortion issue has always had basic aspects: victims, heroes and villains.

Opponents have always sought to confuse the issue. Mostly by bringing in another contender, the fetus. Their objection to abortion has never addressed the realities of unwanted newborns, toddlers, preschoolers, pre-pubescent children or teens. That willful and harmful oversight renders their whole participation domestic terrorism, over-reach and meddling. They're squarely in the villain column.

[IbogaProject]

17. Strong research it has helped to gradually lower crime rates

The decline began about 15 years after Roe v Wade, and has continued. I'm in favor of them saying whatever they want but the choice needs to be between the woman and her medical team, no one else.

[Wild blueberry]

9. Thank you

[SarcasticSatyr]

10. I've known several women who had abortions . . .

not one expressed any remorse other than the inconvenience and cost to obtain it . . . not one of them regretted doing it.

[ms liberty]

11. About 70/71 my sister (19/20) became pregnant through a date rape. Pre Roe...

She had two safe, legal options. Have it and keep it, or have it and give it up for adoption. She chose the latter, after our mom told her that she still had a child of her own to raise (me, it was 5th/6th grade when it happened) so my sister would be responsible for taking care of the baby. She was too young to raise a child and not ready for it but she always regretted the decision and she always blamed my mother and I think me.

[rainin]

13. I wonder if she regrets it because of religious indoctrination

[ms liberty]

14. No, she regretted it because she always wanted kids, even at that age then.

And while she did not believe in abortion being a substitute for other forms of bc, she was not against it for religious reasons. We would have to have been indoctrinated for her to have felt that, and we weren't. My parents were christians but were casual churchgoers at best. Our wider family has plenty of religious nuts - we are southern, after all - but our parents were not, and were really good critical thinkers. When I look back, I feel pretty lucky, because they passed it on to us.

[MLAA]

12. In 82 my best friend in High School got pregnant.

I was in my first year of college nearby. I went with her and she stayed in my dorm room a couple nights. I am sure she never told anyone else. She went on to marry and have a family. It was safe, though still something of a stigma in the South at least. You were and are a wonderful sibling 💖

[Stargazer99]

18. Makes me wonder about all these men who were part of the problem-never a word about them

[BayouBlue53]

19. Did i write this?

Soo similar to me. I was the eldest daughter. Born in 53, lil sister in 57. She later thanked me for breaking our parents in with my wild, dangerous rebellion in our staid suburb.
In 1975, babies born out of wedlock were still called "bastards" and their teen moms were called far worse. Families in conservative areas could lose business or be ostracized. Before 1973 I knew a few friends older sisters who either had a illicit abortion in the city. Or went to a home run by nuns, were told what sluts they were, took the baby and adopted it put. Both women had flat eyes and no joy left in their souls.
The boys? Often they never knew. Didn't much care.
I had an abortion in 1977, my sister 1974.
I was in college in Virginia and didn't know about hers til years later.
Our parents divorced in 1971 and it tore the family apart. My Dad got custody. 2 of us at college, baby sister at boarding school. She got preg, had to tell Dad, because she was a minor. He never argued or criticized. She said he was quiet but supportive. His daughters already went thru hell, he wanted to help. And I thought my folks would KILL me if I got preg. I underestimated them....turns out they had a shotgun wedding way back . We had a bunch of those during that era.
I wish I.could've been a hero to my sis like you. Sisters are so beautiful, now we are tight, bffs. We told each other shit noone else....and laugh til we almost pee our pants!
I ended having that abortion in 1977, and at age 43, gave birth to my daughter Kathleen. Unplanned but my greatest joy. My sis never had kids so she spoils niece! It's a beautiful thing, life is.
And sisters.

[radical noodle]

20. Welcome to DU