Internalized homophobia: What is it? And how do you overcome it?

[Behind the Aegis]

“Masc 4 masc”. “No fems”. “Discreet only”. These are phrases you’ll see a lot on hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff. And while most users will chalk it up to a matter of “preference”, some argue that this aversion to outward displays of queerness is a symptom of a much larger problem: internalized homophobia.

But what is internalized homophobia exactly? Why do queer people experience it? And how can you overcome it?

What Is Internalized Homophobia?
Internalized homophobia happens when bisexual men and women, lesbians, and gay men experience negative social attitudes and beliefs towards gay people and the gay community. In turn, they internalize those and develop feelings of self-hatred. This usually manifests as homophobic behavior towards themselves or other people in their community.

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[Walleye]

1. I am just wondering if there is also internalized misogyny

[Behind the Aegis]

2. While not the topic here, yes, there is.

Any marginalized community, Jews, Muslims, atheists, African-Americans, Arabs, and on down the line, all have to deal with internalized bigotry. It is the effect of growing up in a society that fails to acknowledge, at best, or punishes, in worse case scenarios, differences in the human experience. Some communities, usually racial and ethnic, seem to have an easier (all relative) time confronting internalized bigotry, than groups which are not as cohesive through familial bonds.

[Walleye]

3. Very interesting reply. I think you have thought this out.

It explains a lot. Sorry it was a bit off-topic but the thought just suddenly struck me. About women who vote for Trump etc.

[Behind the Aegis]

4. It isn't just that though.

Many minorities, and even those who aren't, vote against their own interest when it comes down to brass tacks. There is actually a group called "Twinks for Trump".

Just like gays, lesbians, and bisexuals constantly being inundated with negative stereotypes, women face some of the same issues of feeling "less than". It takes a toll. It isn't just about how one votes, but how one sees him/herself. Look at the reactions from many female sexual assault and rape victims who blame themselves for the crime committed against them; though male victims can often feel the same shame. A woman is assertive, she's a bitch. She's upset or angry, even so much as a single tear, she's described as "hysterical". Women have to try twice as hard in order to be accepted, and sometimes have to "act like one of the guys" in order to get by in the world. GLB people have similar challenges. We are ignored, overlooked, fetishized (search "gay bars and bachelorette parties" ), and pitted against other minorities, sometimes within our community.

Internalized bigotry can take a real toll on an individual and can even insert itself into the greater community.

[Walleye]

5. I really do understand this having grown up as a girl in the 50s

I had to act like one of the guys on my job. I witnessed just every kind of stereotype and indignity. Sometimes I look at the reruns of the sitcom’s from that era and other TV that I watched back then, and I realize it could be some of the reasons I’m so screwed up. And voting against your own self interest seems to be a national past time anymore. Can’t believe there are gay people who support trump. I was whistling a tune one day when I was a little girl and my grandfather said, “a whistling woman and a crowing hen and they just aren’t fit for God nor men” I try to forget about that but it’s too deep in my brain. I’ve never voted for a Republican in my life

[Behind the Aegis]

6. It is a shame how society can damage us.

While there are good things, and some major steps have been made in the correct direction, we often find ourselves fighting some of the same damn battles; choice, voting rights, housing and job security, and the list sadly goes on...in the fucking 21st century! It is important to discuss the stereotypes and confront them when they are presented. It is also good and healthy (IMO) to discuss the past bigotry and how it shaped or misshaped a group.

I know as a gay person I still struggle with issues of homophobia and heterosexism. Sometimes, I can really hear that inner voice saying things that if said outside of my head, by another person, would be "fighting words". We can be our own worst enemies and shred our own dignity and self-confidence. Even here, I sometimes don't feel valued and feel as if I constantly have to defend my being gay or the gay community.

As a side note, I find it funny (ironic, not ha-ha) when I see those who complain about "safe spaces" at this site, completely missing the fact that DU is actually a "safe space", of sorts, in that we don't have to tolerate, engage with, or otherwise be polluted with the stupidity of the MAGAt and Republican philosophies.

[The Magistrate]

7. A Very Interesting Piece, Sir

Thank you.

[lambchopp59]

8. Overcoming the Victorian attitudes so previously prevalent

Evolving with it. Fuck "norms" now half a century out of fashion.
"Boys wear blue, girls wear pink" simpltonisms previously disturbed me my entire life. "Battle of the sexes"
Finally, USA is overcoming the strict gender norms, thank heaven's. Misogynist, homophobic assholes finally are garnering the shame and disgust the MAGA'S are still attempting to retrograde back onto LGBT. Battles won, war of the empathy centered heart still embers.
In every bit a spectacular failure as the attempted coup. Not even close to denying the danger their well armed ilk pose.
Pride is the opposite of shame, fuck the pope, finally I'm seeing vindication of shouting "We're here, we're queer, get over it!" nearly 50 years ago now.
My parents and their ways are dead. Quelling the guilt syndrome for my unapologetic honesty with myself and others impoverished, depressed me terribly in a dark past gladly released, relieved, vindicated, rainbow flag 🌈 proudly and unapologetically displayed.
I came far too close to suicide due to bullying, banishment and a mistaken ignorance that there are millions like me. Exactly what the Westboro ilk want.
And yes, we will absolutely continue to "push it in the face" of the red-hatted, sardonic, mattress-cover equivalent wearing homophobes.
Yet there are still DU'ERS right here still trying to raise their offspring in a gay-free, ignorant bubble as expressed last year right in this LGBTQ thread!
(See a reaction about the school teacher forced to remove the rainbow flag from the classroom)