How do I tell me my vegan girlfriend that I have stopped eating meat...?

[Armin-A]

My girlfriend has been gone to India for quite a while now. Before, she left I ate meat on occasion...was not a carnivore by any means mostly when we visited my parents house.

I have been thinking about not eating red meat for quite a while due to health/environmental/personal reasons. While a girlfriend that is vegan would help some people make this step in their lives...for me it has been the opposite. I do not want her to think I am just doing this for her or because of her in anyway.

Anyway... she is coming back this week. How do I tell her? I just feel awkward talking to her about it because she is so much more determined and motivated for not eating any animal products that it just seems intimidating to me. Please give me some suggestions!

[HopeHoops]

1. Stick with eggs and dairy (at least for a while) to ease the transition.

It's far easier to raise a family if everyone sticks to the same dietary decisions. Our rule with the kids was "if they are old enough to know what they're eating, it's their decision". The eldest tried meat a few times, the middle one nibbled at it a couple of times, and the youngest hasn't so much as licked it. All three are what I consider lifelong vegetarians (16, 18, 20 now). Breastfeeding is obviously dairy, but once they move to solid foods it takes a LOT of knowledge to raise them vegan and not neglect something they need to grow. It clearly isn't impossible, just difficult.

In contrast, my wife and I went vegetarian before our first was conceived while two brothers (and 30+ year friends of mine) married carnivorous women and while they have both maintained their vegetarianism, both of their wives like the convenience of McFood and their kids have suffered the health effects from eating such things. That's been a major point of contention in both of their marriages.

Frankly, I think she'll be pleased by your decision. I'm sure she has had concerns about the impact meat could have on you in the long run. Vegetarians and vegans tend to get along quite well, but you've probably already dealt with that issue. The harder thing for me was dealing with my parents - "Chicken broth isn't vegetarian?" When I met my wife in '84 I was still a heavy chain smoker. I quit about three months later, and yes, it was partially because of her. But it was also because I couldn't breathe!

Hang in there and just keep a positive attitude about it.

[Armin-A]

3. Thank you for sharing your story!

I wish she did try to preach to me a little more about it. I think it would be easier to tell her if that was the case, but she is very tolerant. She never tries to convert anyone or do anything other than talk about why she is the way she is

[HopeHoops]

5. Good - evangelism of any sort is a great way to get people to oppose your position.

I'm an ex-smoker, but I rarely get bothered by smoke and I never preach about smoking, but I will offer suggestions IF someone asks.

It's the same with being vegetarian. That's what I do. If someone wants to eat meat, that's fine with me.

[flvegan]

2. She took a first step at some point.

I don't know your girlfriend, but it's possible she was one of those that stopped eating red meat. Then land animals. Then was totally vegetarian, then vegan. If so (or even if not so) I've found in 99.9% of examples I've heard told, that the partner was simply thrilled to death.

Be honest with your reasons. It's up to her to believe them or not. Good luck.

Oh, btw...nice first step there.

[LeftyMom]

4. I suspect you're overthinking it.

For that matter, if she knows you pretty well she likely had some inkling that your thinking was moving in this direction.

What you might run into is people outside your relationship assuming that you "gave up meat" for her. Guys tend to get that a lot. American culture that tends to associate meat with manliness and regard vegetarian diets as deprivation, so don't be surprised if you get comments to that effect.