My first introductions into teh porn (a coming of age story)
I don't remember exactly when I started getting strange feelings that weren't often discussed outside of the boys rest room. I was either 8 or 9. Certainly there was no way I was going to breech that subject with mom or dad. My older brother was (and still is) an asshole. There really wasn't any older person I could talk to about this, and my friends were just as ignorant as I was. There were only a few outlets for such feelings at that time. There was the Sears catalog, lingerie dept., and there was National Geographic. At that time, the National Geographic Society seemed to be discovering a new bare breasted indigenous tribe about every other month. When I got a little older (and taller) I started figuring out where dad's latest hiding spot for his Playboys. However, prior to that time I discovered something else.
Mom had an extensive collection of cheap romance novels. They were paperback and small. She had bookshelves that seemed to hold thousands of them. They were very popular at the time. Even convenience stores had racks of them. Initially I had zero interest. From what I had learned, no self-respecting 'man' would have anything to do with them. Just a cursory look at the cover reinforced this. They were written and marketed specifically with the female demographic in mind. On the bedside table next to my mom's side there were always a few of these books. I was naturally curious about pretty much everything, and one day I picked up one of those books from the table. As it happens, the one I picked up had several bookmarks and was more well worn than the others. As I flipped over to one of the bookmarks, I found a pretty graphic description of a penis going inside a vagina. Now certainly a few euphemisms were used, but it wasn't as if a 10 year old couldn't figure it out. Other bookmarks in the same book and in others contained much of the same. Now I'm not sure if these books can be considered porn or not, but I do know the effect was exactly the same.
When I got a bit older, I started spending a bit more time thinking about societal issues. It was really an exciting time to grow up because attitudes were changing on a lot of different subjects. Some of those new ideas were quite progressive and others weren't so much, but it was a time when people were open to new ideas. As Bob Dylan had prophesied, the times they are a changin'. One of these subjects which was very prevalent at the time was women's rights. One particular segment of this movement was becoming increasingly vocal about teh porn. Now certainly during this time, Larry Flynt was public enemy #1 in their eyes, but another fellow that was high on their list of evil doers was Hugh Hefner. At that time, at least in some areas of the South, Larry Flynt's publication was pretty hard to find. Playboy was a different matter. It was always kept on high shelves and sometimes you had to ask for it behind the counter, but at least it was available.
Around this same time I was somewhat of a student of photography. I say somewhat because I never managed more than a few classes and reading a few books. However, I did have a very inspiring professor that taught the intro course and much of what he said still sticks with me today just as if he had said it yesterday. So one of the things he spoke about was the idea of photography as an art form. He described photography as really nothing more than a medium of art. He said just as a poet can inspire thought with words and paper, or a painter can inspire thought with canvas and pigments, so can a photographer inspire thought with light and photographic emulsion (no digital back in those days). Inevitably, classroom discussion steered in the direction of teh porn. Naturally many of those who spoke up at the time were feminists, and some of those subscribed to the Dworkin/Steinem school of thought on porn. The instructor declined to define what was or wasn't porn and instead pointed out that the camera can be used as a medium of porn or art (however you choose to define those things) just like any other medium.
Over the years I've thought about those days and what was going on at the time. At first I listened to the radical feminist POV on porn with an open mind. Then I started thinking about how hypocritical their arguments were. On one hand, you had erotica that men were using, that was deemed evil, but the erotica that women were using was somehow considered socially acceptable. So while dad had to keep his erotica on the top shelf of the closet, mom kept hers on the bedside table. In essence, the only difference between the two was the preferred medium. The effect was exactly the same. Keep in mind also at the time, that romance novels were widely available to everyone. While at the very least, Playboys were delegated to the top shelf and at least carried some level of shame if you dared buy one, romance novels could be safely sold on the bottom shelf. The more I thought about this double standard, the harder I started to think about how legitimate the arguments of the radical feminists were.
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but its easier to hold a rubber chicken in one hand and your penis in the other when you are watching porn rather than reading it. 