How sexual exploitation of men and boys is overlooked and dismissed

[lumberjack_jeff]

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/08/27/how-sexual-exploitation-of-men-and-boys-is-overlooked-and-dismissed/

For example, we identified some prominent routes through which boys may become victims. These included abuses of trust, such as men befriending younger men or boys on the basis of a shared, stereotypically masculine interest, and then using this to lead into sexual exploitation (for example initially viewing heterosexual pornography together). Young gay, bisexual and curious victims may have been at risk because they felt, due to homophobic attitudes, that they had to hide their sexual contact and had few “safe spaces” to explore their sexuality.

Meanwhile, we also identified the difficulty of recognising exploitation by female perpetrators; scenarios that would be immediately deemed sexually exploitative if they involved a female victim and older male were being overlooked when the younger person involved was male.

It is important to try to understand how boys and young men are sexually exploited to be able to raise awareness and identify and prevent it. However, in the current context, I am acutely aware as a researcher of how much responsibility lies with us to both present the facts (such as these routes to abuse), and in doing so, not feed into unnecessary fears.

There are, of course, lots of perfectly healthy, normal, positive scenarios whereby young men may be friends with older men, older women, or explore their sexuality. None of these scenarios alone necessarily indicates or increases the risk of sexual exploitation – but exactly because they may appear quite “normal”, perpetrators can and do use them to facilitate and obscure sexual exploitation, and prey on vulnerable young men.

[Inkfreak]

1. When I was 18 I began a relationship with a 32 year old woman.

My first one that went beyond a few dates. It was at the time incredibly exciting and terrifying. I believed it was what I'd dreamed of in a way. It was a highly dysfunctional affair. Lots of booze and love but little to no substance. I should say I was in the Army at the time and had begun drinking before her, but it was taken up a few notches with her. I was easy manipulated and the highs and lows lasted about 6 months. I deployed, she moved on rather quickly and I was crushed.

It had a profound effect on future relationships that I did not grasp until I met my wife. I am lucky she held on to me through the rough patches as I matured. It's a weird thing to talk about because most people assume it's just what a young man dreams of. It's hard to admit I was terrified a lot of times because of my inexperience with women & relationships. I'd do whatever she said because I looked at her as the "adult" so to speak. The one in charge because she knew the world. I was a shy bookworm who just joined the Army. I don't hate her or anything. I just wish I'd have found someone closer to my age and maturity.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

2. I had roughly that experience, but I was blindsided into it

I had perceived this woman to be a mentor and the thought of sex or a relationship with her had never crossed my mind, indeed the rumor in the neighborhood was that she was a lesbian, but when she made her move I just plain didn't know how to stop it. The idea that I might find myself in a situation with a woman where I didn't want to do something and how I might handle that situation never crossed my mind and in that moment the only thing really going through my mind was not wanting to offend her. My feelings about it are complicated. I am glad I knew her, I learned a lot from her (and no, I don't mean that) I wish I knew what her intentions had been from the outset. I would be less uncomfortable with what happened if I knew it was just something she did on an impulse (she was horny and I just happened to be convenient) than if her interest in me was of that nature from the very beginning.

What can I say, this was pre-American Pie.

[Inkfreak]

4. I wish I had known her intentions with me.

As young & immature as I was, I had no clue how to proceed. So I was just led around, also. I have never seen her again and I wonder about it every now & again. I feel now, and I'm by no means certain, that she may have been the type of person to who gets into gets into these relationships often.

It was such a strange thing, thinking on it now. But at the time I remember loving her hard & not caring about shit. I made every excuse to leave when she called. Work or with friends. Many other things in my life went by the wayside and suffered because of it.

I still think of her fondly but as I age and the relationship with my wife grows stronger every day I realize how her life was at 35 and how mine is now. I'd take mine any day. I hope she's happy somewhere out there.

[Behind the Aegis]

3. This was a very good article.

It demonstrates the obstacles boys and men have to overcome in regards to sexual abuse. There is still much shame and mixed messages associated with male sexuality.