Man Guilty Of Vacuum Cleaner Sex

[marmar]

JULY 13--A Florida Man was found guilty today of having sex with a vacuum cleaner outside a home in a gated resort community near Disney World, court records show.

Kevin Westerhold, 51, entered a no contest plea to indecent exposure in connection with the incident earlier this year at the Windsor Hills Resort in Kissimmee.

Following plea negotiations with prosecutors, Westerhold was sentenced this morning to 12 months probation, fined $271, and ordered to undergo a “psycho-sexual evaluation” within the next month. Westerhold was adjudicated guilty of the misdemeanor by Judge Juna Pulayya.

Westerhold was originally charged with a felony, but that count was subsequently reduced when he was named in a misdemeanor criminal information. In an April court filing, Westerhold’s lawyer reported that his client “recently completed in-patient treatment,” though that care was not further described.

According to police reports, a witness provided investigators with photos and videos showing Westerhold “pleasuring himself with a vacuum in broad daylight.” Another witness spotted Westerhold, who was “naked from the waist down,” consorting with the appliance outside a four-bedroom property owned by a female relative. ..................(more)

https://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/vacuum-sentence-012748

[Ocelot II]

1. "Consorting with the appliance"!

If you can't get that kind of action from a sentient being, go for it, but maybe in the privacy of your living room? I guess a vacuum is a more active partner than a couch, at least.

[Blue Owl]

4. Turns out he was JD Vance's upholstery guy

[CousinIT]

2. Someone I know who once worked in the ER..

...said a man came in with a vacuum cleaner stuck on his wanker. I can't remember how they said they got it off (I suspect a copious amount of Vaseline or some such)

Sheeeeesh.

[3Hotdogs]

9. The most current ER procedure for such a patient-

Show the patient the photo of Trump wearing his shitstained pants. The penis will immediately shrink, thus allowing for ease of removal.

[CousinIT]

11. . . .

[Blue Owl]

3. He's not the most upright fellow

[twodogsbarking]

5. Well that sucks.

I will show myself out now.

[underpants]

7. 🏆

[kimbutgar]

6. I read the headline yesterday and thought it was the onion

Then read it on smoking gun and wasn’t shocked he was Florida man and probably a magaloon.

[Midnight Writer]

8. Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.

[Beakybird]

10. This sort of behavior goes all the way back to Hoover.

I followed up on the story, and they found a tiny creature inside the contraption: half human/half vacuum. No matter who it takes after, it will kinda suck.

[JoseBalow]

12. Is he an Appliantologist? He's a Latent Appliance Fetishist, it appears to me!

A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of machines!
Get the picture?

(5:29)

[BWdem4life]

13. Clearly his wife has not been vacuuming him often enough.