Here Is How Democrats Cheated Matt Bevin Out Of A Second Term

[TexasTowelie]

Note: The following article is satire.


Now that we have been able to observe the outcome of the 2019 elections, there is no reason why we should not be able to forecast, with perspicuous clarity, the outcome of contested elections next year. If you listen to national media personalities, the folks who think Kentucky has had a Republican governor since the 1600s and who like to fetishize the Midwest from the comfort of coastal universities, vegan sushi restaurants and rejuvenating-cucumber-water-sensory-deprivation tanks, it is all but certain that Trump, McConnell and the rest of the scoundrels with a collective hand up the collective ass of the great red state puppet will be bounced out in 2020. It doesn’t seem to matter that Indiana still has a GOP supermajority or that Kentucky Democrats have lost not only both chambers of the state legislature but every single statewide seat (except the one belonging to a hideous caricature of a power-mad, used Hummer salesman). This, they say, is a referendum on the national GOP, so we can kick back and look forward to Sen. Amy McGrath and President… oh gosh, Obama again? Maybe? Or Merrick Garland? Is Chelsea Clinton 35 yet?

A boy can dream.

One small problem: It’s at least possible that all this national political calculus could be knocked lopsided by Kentucky’s current governor staying in office past his eviction date. Bevin, the consummate WWE-style politician, can take a hit to the head without really seeming to notice, so it’s no surprise that he would burst through the wall of an election loss, emerging on the other side with another concussion, maybe some mild brain damage, but no noticeable change in his stride. True, Bevin lacks the narcissistic, senile charm of a Donald Trump, the kind of charm that can convince political turds to become diamonds. But Kentucky’s power structures are oozing red, and you can bet that if the GOP can keep one of their own in power and make it look halfway legitimate, they’ll do it.

So when Bevin makes what the Courier Journal calls “allegations of widespread voting irregularities and fraud,” it is reason to take notice, even if it sounds like a move made by someone who just read the SparkNotes summary of “The Art of the Deal.” Bevin is most certainly capable of a ham-fisted, illegitimate power grab, but there could be more here. Unfortunately, since he has yet to specify a single “irregularity,” we are left to speculate as to what the nature of those aberrations might be.

However, history leaves us a trail of crumbs to follow right to Bevin’s breadbasket. There are only a few “irregularities” of the type that could undo a gubernatorial election. Below I list five of the most likely possibilities.

Read more: https://www.leoweekly.com/2019/11/democrats-cheated-matt-bevin-second-term/