Did I ever mention that my timing really sucks sometimes?

[DFW]

I spend last night in my usual hotel in Sprout City, as I had stuff to in Belgium early today.

I know most of the staff really well there, so I sometimes hear things other guests do not. I sometimes get strange stares from other American guests when I get a big handshake and a greeting in Italian from the Algerian omelet chef at breakfast (he worked in Rome for ten years), and kisses on both cheeks and greetings in Dutch from the Zambian head waitress (she worked in The Hague for many years).

Today's little bit of information almost made me change my plans for the rest of the week. If I had stayed this evening as well, I might have run into arriving guest Jimmy Kimmel (!!!!). RATS!!!!!

[niyad]

1. That does indeed suck. Could you have changed what I know are

usually your very complex plans?

[DFW]

3. I wish!!!!!!

Unfortunately, this time, I had a long-standing routine cardiac check-up scheduled for tomorrow in Germany, and this is the third time, I've postponed it. I couldn't very well call them from Belgium, saying I had to cancel yet AGAIN on the off chance I might meet Jimmy Kimmel (a name nobody here would recognize) at my hotel in Sprout City, and so I had to cancel one more time.

"And just how did you know that this Jimmy guy would be staying at YOUR hotel?"
"Well, I can't tell you that, either."
"Is he THAT important in America?"
"Do you have half an hour?"

It just wasn't meant to be, I guess.

[niyad]

5. Well, as much as I adore Jimmy, your heart, your health, are FAR

more important. We would prefer that you be around for a VERY, VERY long time!!!

[DFW]

10. Thanks!! So would I. My checkup this time was less than satisfactory, unfortunately.

I will have watch things for the next 2 months, and if things do not go as desired (and when do they ever do that?), I will find myself on the operating table before summer vacation.

The good news is that I should be good for another 10-20 years after that. The bad news is that this diagnosis was only from the cardiologist's point of view. I still have to keep in mind that my parents and all their siblings had cancer. My sister has already had the "honor," so with me, it's not "if," but "when." I'm in no hurry. But maybe I'll win the jackpot with the longevity gene. Four of my grandparents died before they made it to 80. One of my grandfathers made it to 102 with all his marbles intact right up until the end.

I'm reminded of the old joke that went: When I die, I want to go like my grandfather--peacefully in my sleep, and not screaming in horror like the four passengers in the car with him as he drove it off a cliff.

[multigraincracker]

2. A guy in Ireland taught me a great lesson. Always tell those you meet you are from Canada.

You'll never have to buy your own drinks.

[DFW]

4. I'd probably be a disaster with that anyway.

I never drink alcohol, so I wouldn't know the first thing about ordering at a bar in the first place.

"Gin and tonic, please, and hold the gin."

[multigraincracker]

7. I'm not a drinker, but nice when someone

offers to buy me one.

[DFW]

8. I just feel foolish if I ask someone "whatcha having?"

And the answer is, "I'll have a double tralfazz on skids," or some such request, and I have no earthly clue what is meant.

I remember the scene in the West Wing in the Georgetown bar when CJ orders a "grasshopper," and I had no clue what it was. She called it "a perfectly respectable drink," and all I could think of was a perfectly respectable insect.

[multigraincracker]

9. I tell them I'm allergic to alcohol.

I break out in handcuffs. They never ask again.