Your purpose isn't something to find, it's something you form

[Celerity]

In my therapy office, I’ve found that to live with greater purpose, we must think differently about where it comes from

https://psyche.co/ideas/your-purpose-isnt-something-to-find-its-something-you-form





In my work as a clinical psychologist, I have supported numerous people who described feeling listless, apathetic, and lost in life. These clients often say they lack a guiding light to direct their efforts. ‘I’m searching for my North Star,’ one recently said. ‘Finding purpose in life’ is a commonly cited reason for seeking support. But years of clinical experience have taught me that trying to ‘find’ purpose can become part of the problem rather than the solution.

Before I explain, let’s first reflect on what purpose is. The preoccupation with living a purposeful life is as old as civilisation itself: scripts dating back millennia bear witness to religious deities and spiritual leaders (Krishna, the Buddha and the prophet Muhammad, to name a few) and a litany of ancient philosophers (such as Confucius, Laozi and Aristotle) who extolled the virtues of purpose. In more recent times, the existentialist school of philosophy identified purpose as a key ingredient in a meaningful life. Purpose is now widely understood as an enduring reason for being – a motivational force that guides our choices, gives meaning to our actions, and connects our lives to something beyond ourselves.

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the horrors of Nazi concentration camps, had a profound influence on our contemporary understanding of purpose. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning (1946), Frankl wrote of his wartime experiences: ‘Woe to him who saw no more sense in his life, no aim, no purpose, and therefore no point in carrying on. He was soon lost.’

Contemporary wisdom – perhaps influenced by Frankl’s idea of a ‘search for meaning’ – has resolutely identified purpose as something to be ‘found’. The author and speaker Simon Sinek has done more than most to popularise the importance of purpose in recent decades. His books, including Find Your Why: A Practical Guide for Discovering Purpose for You and Your Team (2017), are international bestsellers. According to Google Ngram Viewer, which charts the frequency of a word or phrase in books, the use of the phrase ‘find your purpose’ has risen by more than 3,000 per cent in the past three decades. But this emphasis on finding purpose may inadvertently be thwarting people’s efforts to live purposeful lives.

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[GreatGazoo]

1. Step #1 Turn off the TV

Many of us of a certain age were raised with televisions on. 3 choices -- NBC, ABC, CBS. But a 4th choice was turn it off. Still is.

We become out of touch with our own lives, our grief, our desires, our circadian rhythms, by having television bombard us with other things to be concerned about. It taught us a kind of passivity that was revealed by the advent of the internet. TV was a one-to-many medium. The internet and social media are many-to-many. I embrace that.

Step #2 Walk a dog, preferably in the woods. They will be totally in the moment. You can be too.

Step #3 Grieve. You aren't in touch with who you are or your purpose if you don't allow yourself to feel angry, sad, bargaining and surrendered to what is. Squeeze it out. Squeeze it right out of your tearducts. Like a zit. Push through it.

Step #4 Be good to yourself. Take a multi-vitamin. Give up your worst junk food item(s). Start doing the things that make you happy or satisfied more often.

Because the purpose of your life is to be fully alive. When I hear people say, in whatever form, that they are searching for their purpose in life I take that to mean they are unhappy and they can't effectively confront why. It isn't that they don't know but rather that they DO know, if only subconsciously, but they want an event or an external change to force them to push through or to free them from blockage. In my experience, each of us has to kickstart our own freedom. Make a big positive change like one of the 4 I listed and then keep going.

Each of us attracts the same kind of energy we put out into the world. So simply being mindful of what that energy is can make a big difference. Confusion attracts confusion. Purpose attracts purpose.
- - -

I'm reading Carol Pearson's 'The Hero Within' which I found during a deep set of sessions on story telling and narrative. One presenter listed some of most enduring and universal stories and then analyzed that the protagonist in those stories move through four of Pearson's six modes: the Orphan, the Wanderer, the Warrior, the Martyr. In The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy lives with her aunt and uncle; an orphaned child on the edge of adulthood. She wanders in Oz and meets three flawed men. She goes into warrior mode with the witch; she does so out of love for her dog and her friends. Finally she sheds the illusion of not being responsible for her own life. eg the "martyr" that dies is her irresponsibility. Star Wars, ET, the life of Christ and dozens of other fundamental narratives of western culture follow this pattern so we have to think there is something timeless and universal in this pattern.

Pearson is however, not concerned with storytelling but rather with our internal narratives. How we see ourselves and our futures. We can change our internal narrative only after we are aware that we have one. Amid the noise of our lives, it may take a very conscious effort to get enough clarity to see which of the six modes we have adopted and then choose one which suits us better.

[biophile]

2. Good stuff- the unexamind life is (supposedly) not worth living.

[Drum]

3. A great and timely post--and responses--for me to see. Appreciated!

This discussion and the resources here are worthy of exploration. This is, after all, the essential matter. How we do it, and what comes up along the way, are important and often subtle changes to notice and to cultivate.

Thanks to all of you on this thread.