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debm55

(35,903 posts)
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:18 PM Sep 20

I am tired. took Rich back to the hospital as he was vomiting and urinating blood on Wednesday. They said he would have

after effects of the radiation for up to a month, I also am very upset with my family. I haven't talked to them since the end of June,when I called and told them about Rich's cancer. The reply back "Everyone has to die sometimes so stop your crying" and my sister yells "how am I going to go to my appointment." No calls, no cards. nothing. Many people know the abuse I had and still have with them. I am sitting here crying about how my husband and son and myself have been treated. I can't see what I ever did that would make them hate me so much. I have done everything they wanted including putting them over my own family here. I just don't understand. What did I do wrong.to be sexually physically and emotionally abused by them?

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I am tired. took Rich back to the hospital as he was vomiting and urinating blood on Wednesday. They said he would have (Original Post) debm55 Sep 20 OP
Very sorry, deb. elleng Sep 20 #1
I'm sorry XanaDUer2 Sep 20 #2
I posted a message on your thread. debm55 Sep 20 #6
(HUGS) XanaDUer2 Sep 20 #40
{{{Deb}}}I'm so sorry you and Rich are going through this. 50 Shades Of Blue Sep 20 #3
They sound cold. Sanity Claws Sep 20 #4
Sometimes "family" is not all that ... TBF Sep 20 #5
I'm sorry you're going through these problems, Deb! Different Drummer Sep 20 #7
So sorry for you & hubby, Deb SheltieLover Sep 20 #8
I am so sorry, Debm. sheshe2 Sep 20 #9
I am so sorry you're going through this. TommieMommy Sep 20 #10
Sending you both so much love and support FirstLight Sep 20 #11
Damn!!! All you can do is hang in there, baby !!!! Karadeniz Sep 20 #12
Admitting abuse takes tremendous courage; it is NOT your fault. The abusers are the broken Ziggysmom Sep 20 #13
I'm so sorry to hear this, Deb Diamond_Dog Sep 20 #14
I'm am so sorry Katcat Sep 20 #15
You didn't do anything. They are showing who they are and it is deplorable. I am sorry and hope Rich will be OK. ED Evolve Dammit Sep 20 #16
ditch them Skittles Sep 20 #17
You didn't do anything wrong. bluescribbler Sep 20 #18
You have to understand and allow yourself to take in the fact that THEY are wrong. NOT you. onecaliberal Sep 20 #19
the sooner you stop letting them affect you Kali Sep 20 #20
Deb, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. COL Mustard Sep 20 #21
You've given them too many breaks. Time to write them off. lpbk2713 Sep 20 #22
You did nothing wrong. Their reactions are about them. Focus on you and Rich and being happy. c-rational Sep 20 #23
Sorry what you are going through, and while this may sound bad, f**k em JohnSJ Sep 20 #24
Wish you peace. marlboroman369 Sep 20 #25
I am so sorry, Deb AmBlue Sep 20 #26
I am so sorry, Deb Lefta Dissenter Sep 20 #27
❤️ underpants Sep 20 #28
Aw deb.... Clouds Passing Sep 20 #29
Im so sorry Lilithschyld Sep 20 #30
♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ a kennedy Sep 20 #31
You are one the greatest people ever at DU. I enjoy your threads GreenWave Sep 20 #32
So sorry for your heartache, Deb. FalloutShelter Sep 20 #33
I am so sorry to hear of this. It is time to cut anything that interferes with your life out. marble falls Sep 20 #34
This is awful. MiKenMi33 Sep 20 #35
So sorry I know what you are going through. Me doc03 Sep 20 #36
That job - CAREGIVER - one of the toughest jobs in the world! MyOwnPeace Sep 20 #37
So sorry for what your husband is going through Nululu Sep 20 #38
Take care of yourself at this difficult time. waterwatcher123 Sep 20 #39
I hope the side effects don't last long. I would venture to say that you did nothing wrong. Hang in there. LoisB Sep 20 #41
Cure almost as bad as the disease. malthaussen Sep 20 #42
I'm so sorry! *hugs* Maybe they aren't worth your time and love? GPV Sep 20 #43
Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you and your dear hubby. MLAA Sep 20 #44
Im so sorry, kozar Sep 20 #45
Sending you warm hugs, Deb Wicked Blue Sep 20 #46
I'm so sorry debm55 iemanja Sep 20 #47
So sorry Americanme Sep 20 #48
You Did Nothing Wrong ProfessorGAC Sep 20 #49
Families can be so cruel BittyJenkins Sep 20 #50
I am sorry you have to go through this. You can't change selfish people. Just hold on to those you love a bit closer. Doodley Sep 20 #51
I am so sorry you are suffering abuse like this from your own family CousinIT Sep 20 #52
Double tragic when folks that should be backing you fail and add more problems. All my best hugs to You!!! IA8IT Sep 20 #53
I am sorry about everything you and your husband are going through. HeartsCanHope Sep 21 #54
I am sorry, I would have replied earlier. I was too embarrassed to answer. I feel better in the day but in the evening I debm55 Sep 21 #58
Love you, too, Deb. HeartsCanHope Sep 21 #59
What did you do wrong? dickthegrouch Sep 21 #55
This is not on you. This is on them! OldBaldy1701E Sep 21 #56
WE ARE YOUR FAMILY!!!! 💕💖 Niagara Sep 21 #57
You did nothing XanaDUer2 Sep 23 #60
This message was self-deleted by its author CountAllVotes Sep 23 #61

XanaDUer2

(13,829 posts)
2. I'm sorry
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:20 PM
Sep 20

I just got cut loose by a cousin I considered a best friend.

I'm so sorry for you both. It brutal

TBF

(34,278 posts)
5. Sometimes "family" is not all that ...
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:24 PM
Sep 20

mine pretty much cut me off when I moved to another state. I'm sorry about Rich's cancer and hope the chemo is effective in treating the disease.

Different Drummer

(8,564 posts)
7. I'm sorry you're going through these problems, Deb!
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:28 PM
Sep 20

It's bad enough what you and Rich are going through, but the cruelness of your relatives is totally unnecessary!

TommieMommy

(1,096 posts)
10. I am so sorry you're going through this.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:39 PM
Sep 20

Radiation is so hard on the body. I hope he feels better very soon. Tom had burns on his chest from his radiation treatment. Sometimes family is difficult to deal with when they only care about themselves, I know. After Tom passed his daughters could care less about me and what I was going through. One of them borrowed lots of money from me right after he died and never paid me back. She is a piece of work. Keep strong and take good care of yourself. You will be ok. 💙

FirstLight

(14,079 posts)
11. Sending you both so much love and support
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 03:40 PM
Sep 20

Sometimes all we have is those that are our partners or those that we choose. Both my wife and I have had family issues hers are worse than mine but still. It doesn't mean it hurts any less.

I am sending you so much strength and love. I know it's not much coming from the
internet, but know that we are here and we are listening and holding you close

Ziggysmom

(3,569 posts)
13. Admitting abuse takes tremendous courage; it is NOT your fault. The abusers are the broken
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:08 PM
Sep 20

ones. It is just impossible to try and understand why people treat us badly, especially family.

Sending many virtual hugs to you and your family.

Diamond_Dog

(34,612 posts)
14. I'm so sorry to hear this, Deb
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:11 PM
Sep 20

I know they have been very hurtful , even cruel, to you, but your priority is your husband and yourself right now. Try not to think about them.

Here’s a hug



Hope Rich feels better soon.

Katcat

(358 posts)
15. I'm am so sorry
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:12 PM
Sep 20

That you have such a shitty family. Right now, my bro in law is nearly 80 and can’t really see and his wife, my sister, is having dementia symptoms. My husband and I drive nearly an hour to take them to the doctor, Your family does NOT deserve you!

Evolve Dammit

(18,603 posts)
16. You didn't do anything. They are showing who they are and it is deplorable. I am sorry and hope Rich will be OK. ED
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:14 PM
Sep 20

onecaliberal

(35,787 posts)
19. You have to understand and allow yourself to take in the fact that THEY are wrong. NOT you.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:41 PM
Sep 20

No matter how much you want something to be, please think about yourself first. You don't deserve any of it, you never did. Move on and forget them. Have the life with Rich that you both deserve and be happy together. Living well is the very best revenge.

Kali

(55,735 posts)
20. the sooner you stop letting them affect you
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:44 PM
Sep 20

the sooner your suffering will end. the day I finally realized a parent wasn't perfect was the day I was free from all the abusive expectations that parent inflicted on me. nope, that I inflicted on myself. stop allowing the shit, it is really and truly up to you.

COL Mustard

(6,883 posts)
21. Deb, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:44 PM
Sep 20

I'm especially sorry for the reaction you are getting from your family.

Is there someone else you can turn to for support?

lpbk2713

(43,201 posts)
22. You've given them too many breaks. Time to write them off.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:46 PM
Sep 20


They don't act like family so just call it quits. Do not feel guilty about it.

AmBlue

(3,439 posts)
26. I am so sorry, Deb
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:56 PM
Sep 20

What abusers do is nothing at all that their victims deserve. Do not allow yourself to believe that you "deserve" to be abused or mistreated. You deserve support and love, but sadly, it seems like trying to understand your family (in the past and now) is a fruitless exercise. All you can do is move on and move forward, and try to exorcise their negativity from your life. It is THEY who do not deserve you, my dear.

I am so sorry for all you and Rich are going through. It's all very scary and exhausting when the ones we love are caught in the whirlwind of a debilitating illness. You are his rock and his shining star... you are his everything. And you are doing the work of angels. I am sending you big hugs, and hopes and prayers for strength, for healing, and for a better tomorrow. Hang in there, honey. We are here when you need to vent.

Lefta Dissenter

(6,656 posts)
27. I am so sorry, Deb
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 04:59 PM
Sep 20

all I can do here is offer love and support, and encourage you to lean on those you know you can rely on, including your DU family.

The rest have to go by the wayside.

With so many hugs and good wishes to you and Rich.

Clouds Passing

(2,267 posts)
29. Aw deb....
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:00 PM
Sep 20
You need a big long hug. I cry for you.

I am so sorry you, Rich and your son are having to go through this. You are lucky to have them and for them to have you.

You are the family scapegoat. They hate because they were taught to. Let them go. Grieve the loss of your childhood family. They will never be the support you need them to be. Nothing you can do will ever be good enough for them. I know I’ve been there, physically, emotionally, sexually. I had to let them go for my own health.

You, Rich and your son will stay in my prayers and energy healing thoughts for a long, long time.

Lilithschyld

(32 posts)
30. Im so sorry
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:03 PM
Sep 20

Cancer is a horrific disease, families should come together over things like this. Best wishes for you and yours. ❤️

a kennedy

(32,066 posts)
31. ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️ 🙏🏻 ♥️
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:04 PM
Sep 20

and damn your family, WE’RE YOUR FAMILY. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

GreenWave

(9,167 posts)
32. You are one the greatest people ever at DU. I enjoy your threads
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:06 PM
Sep 20

as I am sure many others do too. I wish your husband strength throughout this.

As Margaret Atwood and Smedley Butler (Brigadier General USMC) once said, "Don't let the bastards grind you down."

We got your back here.

FalloutShelter

(12,746 posts)
33. So sorry for your heartache, Deb.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:07 PM
Sep 20

When struggling with health challenges with a loved one, we often find ourselves alone.
Sending love and vibes. You are strong. It is NOT your fault.

MiKenMi33

(138 posts)
35. This is awful.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:13 PM
Sep 20

I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry to hear this. Anytime you need to vent or talk, we’re here. You are not the problem. Your family is. You didn’t do anything wrong.

doc03

(36,694 posts)
36. So sorry I know what you are going through. Me
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:19 PM
Sep 20

and my mom took care of my dad for 7 years. Then I took care of my mom 25 years after my dad's passing. I had two brothers that wouldn't help with anything.

MyOwnPeace

(17,273 posts)
37. That job - CAREGIVER - one of the toughest jobs in the world!
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:20 PM
Sep 20

You get no help when you need it - you get no understanding when you try to explain - you get no support when you want it - and you get no peace from the job you are doing! That sucks........

Your only 'peace' is you believing you are 'doing the right thing' - doing what YOU know is best and what is needed - and knowing that others that have 'been there - done that' are right there by your side, even if you don't see us.

Blessings........

Nululu

(943 posts)
38. So sorry for what your husband is going through
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:24 PM
Sep 20

Sometimes family is trash. Nothing will explain it. Walk away. Make new friends. Ignore those evil bullies.

waterwatcher123

(246 posts)
39. Take care of yourself at this difficult time.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:36 PM
Sep 20

Many of know what it is like to deal with family members who are indifferent or unable to express empathy.

LoisB

(8,639 posts)
41. I hope the side effects don't last long. I would venture to say that you did nothing wrong. Hang in there.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 05:45 PM
Sep 20

Hugs

MLAA

(18,598 posts)
44. Sending hugs and healing thoughts to you and your dear hubby.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:05 PM
Sep 20

You didn’t do anything to deserve this treatment. They are toxic. I hope you can continue to stay away from their toxicity. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️

kozar

(2,850 posts)
45. Im so sorry,
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:11 PM
Sep 20

Number 1, familes suck, number 2, Cancer sucks worse.
MrsK , uhmm trigger, I'll be ok
My mother, brothers did same, when MrsK passed. Nothing, then Mom, wanted to" make peace" , and called me, I asked her, " what's your granddaughter's name?" She had no clue on LilBits name.
Dementia runs in my family. Of course my Mother prolly has it, I may have it as well, I get angry easily, I need to check calender to what day it is.
I just, love people, make music, own a cat,

I'll take this death. Over the disease. I gotta go.

Koz

Wicked Blue

(6,646 posts)
46. Sending you warm hugs, Deb
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:18 PM
Sep 20

You've created an enormous family here on DU.
We love you and wish the best for you and Rich.

You have done nothing to deserve abuse. Your abusers are sick, warped people.





Americanme

(48 posts)
48. So sorry
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:26 PM
Sep 20

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and for the way you have been treated. I hope your husband feels better very soon, and I hope you both find relief.

BittyJenkins

(587 posts)
50. Families can be so cruel
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:31 PM
Sep 20

At the end of the day, all you can do is be true to you and yours. You are handling so much right now.
Consider yourself hugged and you’ve got sisters in DU that care.

Doodley

(10,360 posts)
51. I am sorry you have to go through this. You can't change selfish people. Just hold on to those you love a bit closer.
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:37 PM
Sep 20

CousinIT

(10,179 posts)
52. I am so sorry you are suffering abuse like this from your own family
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:40 PM
Sep 20

Family is sometimes over-rated in cases like this. You do need a support structure around you but not them. I hope you can find it. A grief support group, therapy or whatever. You need people who will listen, care and uplift you, not be nasty, cold and abusive!

IA8IT

(5,877 posts)
53. Double tragic when folks that should be backing you fail and add more problems. All my best hugs to You!!!
Fri Sep 20, 2024, 06:44 PM
Sep 20

HeartsCanHope

(735 posts)
54. I am sorry about everything you and your husband are going through.
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 12:35 AM
Sep 21

The most important thing right now is taking care of your husband and yourself. You, my dear, are not the problem. Your mother, brother, and sister are. You did nothing wrong. Your family members are not capable of giving you the love you deserve. Is there a counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist you can talk with? You need support right now. There are also cancer support groups in many communities. Talking to survivors and their families could help. I'll be thinking of you both. Take care and update us on how you are doing.

debm55

(35,903 posts)
58. I am sorry, I would have replied earlier. I was too embarrassed to answer. I feel better in the day but in the evening I
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 01:25 PM
Sep 21

have thoughts of my youth. Thank you for asking. Love you, Deb.

HeartsCanHope

(735 posts)
59. Love you, too, Deb.
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 04:23 PM
Sep 21

Please don't be embarrassed. We all need to unload at times. You're carrying a heavy load, and I am honored to listen.

dickthegrouch

(3,547 posts)
55. What did you do wrong?
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 12:14 PM
Sep 21

You decided your dignity was more important than being their punching bag.
That took courage and a belief in yourself.
You are so much stronger than all of them.
While it may be difficult, complete the separation. Restraining orders, with no contact provisions.

You have a new more respectful more loving family surrounding you, whom you absolutely deserve in every respect.


OldBaldy1701E

(6,331 posts)
56. This is not on you. This is on them!
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 01:09 PM
Sep 21

You did your part. They decided not to return the favor.

Forgive my word usage, but fuck'em.

Niagara

(9,564 posts)
57. WE ARE YOUR FAMILY!!!! 💕💖
Sat Sep 21, 2024, 01:19 PM
Sep 21

Someone is always here to offer a word of support, encouragement or well wishes.


Speaking of, sending another round of positive and healing vibes to Rich!



XanaDUer2

(13,829 posts)
60. You did nothing
Mon Sep 23, 2024, 09:58 AM
Sep 23

I'm being abused now by "loved ones" that I'm a baby bc I'm upset about how I'm being treated. That i need to grow up etc. Feelings constantly invalidated. Just like your going through now. Its gaslighting bullshit.

Response to debm55 (Original post)

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