What words of advice or comfort did your parents share with you?

[SOteric]

I've been having a pretty horrible year. I mean, I don't live in the Ukraine or Gaza, but still by most 1st world standards, it's been one horrible thing after another, leaving me broke, in mourning, dispirited and struggling against odds that seem insurmountable.

Tomorrow would be my mum's birthday, though she passed long ago, I've been missing her greatly all year.

When, as a teenager, I'd come home with a broken heart, she'd tell me "Some other mother has a nice son, too," and hold me close while I cried it out.

What are some ways your parents comforted you, or wisdom they shared when times were tough?

[Glorfindel]

1. Mother: "If you need a helping hand, look at the end of your arm."

Father: "|Son, don't s**t where you eat." (Don't have sexual/romantic involvements in the workplace.) Both of these pieces of advice have been very useful to me over the years. Thanks for a very interesting question, SOteric.

[SOteric]

2. Thank you for sharing these!

[LuckyCharms]

4. Don't shit where you eat.

[Glorfindel]

6. Thanks, LuckyCharms!

I had never seen (or heard) that before. I guess I always just thought it was something my father made up.

[LuckyCharms]

7. It's a good saying.

[XanaDUer2]

29. That was another one nt

[exoskeleton]

38. More S**t

My Dad would always tell me "If you s**t in your bed, you lay in it." He was a true poet.

[XanaDUer2]

3. Money is for the living

That stuck with me.

Hope things improve

[SOteric]

11. Thank you!

That's a good one!

[Drum]

5. None.

That’s why I’m unhappy and dysfunctional.

Sorry I can’t be of more help, SO…

[SOteric]

13. Aww, I'm so sorry. Maybe

You can find some comfort in a few of these, too.

[DEbluedude]

8. Dad: The grass may be greener on the other side...

but you still have to cut it.

[SOteric]

14. LOL

Very practical and so true!

[Deuxcents]

9. Study hard and get a good education

After becoming a student of history in my later years and now reading so many posts from our DU poster, Judi Lynn, I wish I would have been more adventurous instead of the limitations I accepted that were in the way of girls in the ‘50-60’s.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

12. Mom: You won't learn any younger.

Grandmother (put a bit o Irish in it): Cain't never did do nothin'.

[SOteric]

15. I can very much respect that.

But I still believe your part of the tapestry is an important one, no matter what wishes we all may have that ours could have been different.

[dweller]

10. Just trust yourself and be happy

As they pushed the little boat I was in out into the stream …
😐

✌🏻

[SOteric]

16. !

That sounds a bit frightening. Are you okay?

[dweller]

19. Yeh

I’m a loner so happiness is pretty simple


✌🏻

[Ocelot II]

17. From my somewhat cynical lawyer dad:

"Don't forget that most people are stupid and that's why we need laws." From my mom, when other kids picked on me, which was fairly often: "They're mean because they're unhappy."

[SOteric]

24. I think your mum had the right idea.

(Although there are definitely a great many stupid people in the world)

[GreenWave]

18. Children should be seen but not heard.

Then when I had kids it was "Listen to your children." Seems they were out to shut us up.

[SOteric]

25. Oh goodness!

We're all here to listen to what you've got to say, now. Go for it!

[IcyPeas]

20. I dont remember them giving me any. I've been very aware of this too.

No praise
No advice
No comfort

I think a lot of things went unsaid, or were repressed.

I've wondered if this a cultural thing. Being British.

[debm55]

21. Mine weren't British, just toxic and abusive

[SOteric]

30. I'm so sorry debm55

[SOteric]

26. That doesn't sound very pleasant.

I hope you were able to find some emotional support in life.

[OldBaldy1701E]

51. Mine were not, and they were fairly abusive by modern standards.

Yeah, I laughed out loud for a few minutes after reading your post. That is something I would know nothing about.

[debm55]

53. Sorry, I still get abused by my mother. I last talke to her at my dad's funeral. Her words and my sister's words were

"Debbie. has a nose like her father, you know a Jew nose." They all laughed , I left.and came home. I have gone no contact. There was a whole mess of things--never heard the word I love you or you are pretty. Yes, punching, knocking your teeth out, broken bones and sexual abuse were common back then. In my 68 years I wish I had parents like those described here. I have my husband. Sorry for the rant.

[OldBaldy1701E]

60. You let that out!

There is no reason to apologize. Those of us who had to deal with bad parents know where you are and what you are saying. To commandeer another tagline, you are not alone. We know the snide comments, the disinterest in anything about you unless it is seen as reflecting on them. (Boy, they were interested then, weren't they?) The terror of being deathly afraid of your own freaking parents because they would rather swing than talk. Just let it all out. And, good job on the no-contact. In the past 20 years, I have seen my mother in person like four times. And, that is just fine with me.

[SOteric]

66. Oh, Debbie,

you're so outgoing and kind to all who post here. It's hard to think of you growing up in a family who was so very unworthy of your sweet spirit.

[debm55]

67. I was and still am.

[debm55]

73. Thank you.

[thatcrowwoman]

22. Daddy said "Don't gossip."

And a few days before he died, my youngest sister asked if he had anything he wanted to tell anyone.
“Make Love, Not War,” he replies.
Bumper sticker from long ago, I can see it now.
What?! says baby sis.
“Stop fighting and find a way to love one another.”
Who do you want to tell, she asks.
Everyone, he said with a smile.

Supper’s ready.
I’ll stop by later with wisdom of my mother.
🕊thatcrowwoman

[SOteric]

27. That's actually quite inspiring.

And I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

[a kennedy]

23. Mom's hugs made EVERYTHING ok.

[SOteric]

28. Very sweet, and so true!

[Dave in VA]

31. From my dad

Don't let your little head take control of your big head.

No matter how hard you shake it, no matter how hard you dance, the last little drop is gonna get on your pants.

I'll stop now.

[SOteric]

40. I hope he remembered

to wash his hands immediately after cutting jalepenos.

[WheelWalker]

32. Never take credit for something you have or have not done.

[SOteric]

54. That is excellent advice!

[Aussie105]

33. Do well at school.

Get a good job.
Be nice to people.
Don't marry a bossy woman. (My mother predicted I would.)

I got 3 out of four right, except the last bit.
Twice.
My parents were so in tune with each other, I assumed that their respect and consideration for each other was just a normal and automatic part of being married.
Guessed wrong there.
Toughened me up, so all good.

[SOteric]

42. I completely understand

My parents had that sort of marriage, too. It's difficult to find.

[Silver Gaia]

34. My parents gave lots of advice, whether I wanted it or not. LOL

One thing I remember my Dad saying that has always stuck with me was: "Never give up on your dreams. Without dreams, you might as well be dead, because you've got nothing to live for."

And I remember my Mom telling me, as she was rolling my hair on brush rollers I had to sleep on, or teaching me how to pluck my brows, "Women are expected to suffer to be beautiful." She wasn't saying she liked it, but for her, that was just how it was.

They said lots of other things, but those two are what come to mind at the moment.

[SOteric]

43. I think, at most points in the history of Western Civilisation

your mother's perspective was most certainly true. I'd say things are changing, but the dinosaurs of the Republican party seem to want to go back to burning women as witches.

I love that your dad wanted you to follow your dreams.

[Silver Gaia]

56. Yes, I agree. Mom didn't really know this,

but of course, I know now.

Mom was fearful of Trump. She called me that election year in tears after his "grab 'em" comment hit the news and said, "PLEASE tell me that horrible man isn't going to become our president!" At the time, I foolishly thought this would be his undoing, and assured her there was no way that could happen. But I was wrong. She did not live to see him sworn in. I still miss her every day, but I am glad she did not have to see what he has done to this country. And the world.

[Srkdqltr]

35. God helps those who help themselves.

[SOteric]

44. That's one I have certainly heard, as well!

[megapuzzler]

36. I have some that have stuck from both parents, though both have been gone for decades now

My dad: "Keep an open mind, but not so open the wind blows through"

In answer to some of my teen age ranting about how much I hated so-and-so: "You don't really hate them. You just hate their ways."

My mom: "The only people I find myself prejudiced against are the stupid ones."

[SOteric]

45. Oh, I agree with your mom!

Except that I would add "the willfully stupid ones." I find I'm infinitely patient with those uninformed but eager to be well-informed, or simple for physiological reasons. But the willfully stupid, that's another story.

[Mr.Bill]

37. I am not a tall person.

A little under 5'5" at age 70. I peaked at about 5'6". In elementary school, I was usually the smallest kid in the class. I can't narrow it down to a saying, but my parents always pointed out when some famous person who was short did something great. It really did make me expand my horizons. Deep down inside, I feel like I am of normal height in a world of people who are unusually tall for some reason.

[SOteric]

46. That's awesome!

Your parents were good people, to be sure!

[Sneederbunk]

39. It is always darkest before the bottom falls out.

[SOteric]

47. For some reason that fills me with a sense of dread.

[overleft]

41. Vote Democrat!!

[SOteric]

48. Bless them!

[marked50]

49. The one I remember was

"Don't Adjust your hat in your neighbors Apple orchard" and sometimes it became " Don't tie your shoes in someone else's watermelon patch"

I think I knew what he was trying to get across but I just decided to never wear a hat or have shoes with laces.

Oh, another one : "If you don't do anything you'll never make a mistake." That was said after I made the mistake.

[SOteric]

50. I'm a little baffled by the first two,

but I applaud the last. Not every parent is so generous in helping their children learn to deal with small failures.

[elleng]

52. 'It's always darkest before the dawn,' from Dad,

he who lost 2 wives, an utterly wonderful father.

[SOteric]

55. True! Sometimes we just need to hang on a little longer!

[LudwigPastorius]

57. Yeah, I'm having a hard time coming up with something.

Probably something along the lines of "Suck it up, Buttercup" or "Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about".

[SOteric]

58. I'm sorry to hear that, LudwigPastorius

I hope you've found some folks along the way in your life who you can be comfortably vulnerable with.

[LudwigPastorius]

65. Thanks, SOteric.

I haven't really yet, but hope springs eternal.

[rpannier]

59. If you ever go back in time don't touch anything

Oh, wait. That was Grandpa Simpson

My mom, "If you can't rely on family, you can't rely on anyone."
That worked both ways. You had to be reliable to the family as well

[SOteric]

68. Kirk and Picard had the same advice

but strangely, almost always managed to touch something anyway.

Fine words of wisdom for being there for your family.

[Ferryboat]

61. Dad had 2 that I remember to this day

If you cant bring your current gf home to meet mom, better glove up.

Beware of the small print. The big print makes all the promises. The small print takes away all that was promised and more.

[SOteric]

69. Both excellent

Especially, that last one. That seems universally true!

[zanana1]

63. Always expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed.

I do not come from a family of optimists.

[SOteric]

70. I guess you don't! LOL

[Midnight Writer]

64. My Mom, in addressing some upset I am having: "This, too, shall pass".

She would ask me what I was most upset about a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. Kind of helped put things into perspective.

She was big on not dwelling on the past, but moving forward. There is no other path than forward, and the past cannot be changed.

[SOteric]

71. That might be the most worthwhile advice in this whole thread.

Thank you for that. And bless your incredible mom.

[spooky3]

85. that was a favorite of my mother's too nt

[CanonRay]

74. From my father

If you owe the bank $1000, they own you. If you owe the bank a million, you own them. I think he would have loved Trump.

[SOteric]

83. That almost started as a Walden Pond

kind of vibe. Thank you for sharing this. It's so much appreciated!

[Iggo]

97. Good gawd, that's a great saying!

[Fichefinder]

75. "You're not among friend here,...

you will do as you told."
Also
Plenty of rest in the grave

[SOteric]

84. It's a wonder

you're not a Republican. - I hope you have managed to find more caring people to fill your life.

[questionseverything]

76. Deleted

Last edited Mon Dec 4, 2023, 08:13 PM - Edit history (1)

[SOteric]

86. Medical Science has made so many advances

It's never a guarantee, of course, but in so many cases, it's not necessary for persons of middle or advanced ages to live with chronic pain.

[questionseverything]

93. Shrug

Last edited Mon Dec 4, 2023, 08:14 PM - Edit history (1)

[SOteric]

95. I'm so sorry you seem to have taken offence.

None was intended, I assure you. I have an orthopedist, too. I danced on pointe for almost 2 decades and it took a toll on my hips, knees and ankles. Joint replacement is becoming easier each year, and advances in steroidal and non-steroidal pain management also improve regularly. I hope you and your physician will find something that works for you.

[spooky3]

77. "This too shall pass" and "every job has its toilet bowls (to clean)." Nt

[SOteric]

87. So true. And "LOL" n/t

[PJMcK]

78. Don't lose your faith in yourself

Remain optimistic.

My best wishes to you, SOteric! (Love your screen name!)

[SOteric]

88. Thank you, - those are both perfect!

And I appreciate your kind wishes!

[mia]

79. "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

My grandmother said this to me when I was 9 years old. We were walking to church on Easter morning, and I told her that I wished that I had new shoes. My imagined picture of that man has always stuck with me. Her lesson to be grateful has served me well many times since then.

She also told me not to "cry over spilled milk" at an earlier age. I took that one literally for a while.

[SOteric]

89. Very good advice!

I grant it's pretty suck-y for me right now, but I acknowledge it could be a whole lot worse.

[LakeArenal]

80. Not to be a downer: but my mother in law gave me more comfort than my mom.

Love you Mary Ann. RIP.

Mary Ann was not an advice giver. Stayed out of “it”. But she was a great listener.

[SOteric]

90. I'm so very glad you had her in your life

[bottomofthehill]

81. Odd advice from a great man, my father.

I had two co-workers and friends shot and killed by a crazy person. The shooter is still in St Elizabeth’s today. At still angers me that my friends are dead and this asshole lives. My father called to check on me and reminded me to reread On Stoicism by Marcus Aurelius and to avoid destructive actions (alcohol/drugs/self loathing) and self destructive feelings. If you want to continue your service, buckle up and redouble your efforts.
My mom, an ER nurse said very simply, you have a job, do it or don’t. If you don’t and you quit, it will be hard to find something you want to do as you have already found your dream job and you are good at it so again, like dad said redouble your efforts and geter done.

[bottomofthehill]

82. Sorry, my parents are old Irish. Not a whole lot of feel good from either.

[SOteric]

91. Your family life, from the sound of it

had some genuine depth; some gravitas. Thank you so much for sharing these!

[bottomofthehill]

92. Both parents Jesuit educated

St Thomas Aquinas and Aristotle were often used as teaching models. We were also taught that the greatest political speech ever given was Jesus Sermon on the Mount. As Irish Catholic Bostonians we were not brought up to be “preachy” as most people we knew were also catholic. Although I have grown away from the Church, I have not grown away from what I was taught.

[dclarston13]

94. From Mom "They bleed the same color as you"

[Iggo]

96. Standard shit.

The best ones were:
Pride kills.
Can’t teach experience.
If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch.
Ask the prom queen. (Best one.)


And a bunch of nicer versions of “You ain’t special.” (By which is meant “You are no more deserving of anything in this life than everybody else who showed up.”)