How to give your cat a pill

[Nevilledog]

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How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.

As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the patio.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink a shot of bourbon to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Fetch bottle of s bourbon. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot.

12) Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
Call fire brigade to retrieve the fucking cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine & bind tightly to leg of dining table. Get heavyduty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a piece of steak filet. Hold head vertically & pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of bourbon. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for SOCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
Wrap it in cheese.
• • •

[NightWatcher]

1. My Dorgi (dachshund + corgi) hates pills (like the cat), but when I dropped a Nexium on the floor

I had to wrestle it out of her jaws.

My chihuahua swallows without chewing so she's easy to fool with the ol 'wrapped in a Kraft single' trick.

[electric_blue68]

2. Baaaahahahaaaaaaaaaa 😂 (Ouch!)

[kimbutgar]

3. Best laugh I've had all day!

[Hav]

4. Wrapping it in food

is the most promising way to give medicine to cats as well. I assume that all those attempts to force bad tasting stuff into the mouth would fail with dogs as well.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

5. I have seen that before and I just love it.

I had a cat who would not take a pill. I persuaded the vet to let me give the medication with an injection, which worked just fine. But yeah, had I tried to persist in giving her a pill, my story would have been similar to this.

[highplainsdem]

6. LOL!

[TomWilm]

7. Fine text ...

I took my very old cat, who can be a bastard to the vet, and she lay nicely and quiet on his table during the whole process. He gave her first pill, which she swallowed with some water. All the next she just looked at me, and swallowed too without problem. She seemed to know she was under necessary treatment, and that got her two years more of life.

[Emile]

8. +1 I thought I was the only one who has trouble getting a cat to swallow a pill.

[

[pansypoo53219]

9. i had no trouble w/ my 1st girl cat. 2nd girl harder, 3rd cat i once tried to see if i could, but

she was a tazmanian devil + upside down like a baby? as if. 3rd male i grabbed his face under his chin. good spitter out.

[nuxvomica]

10. I had a heck of a time with my cat Huckleberry

Early on in his last year, he was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and I had to give/force the pill to/on him twice a day. He could hold it in his cheek forever before spitting it out. Each day was the success of a new technique -- different foods, pill pockets, injectors, etc. -- followed by failure the next day, as he had gotten wise to it. Finally, I found cat milk, which is lactose-reduced cow milk with taurine added, and he loved it, so I gave him the pill crushed and mixed with a tablespoon of the stuff. He actually got to his healthy weight after a few months before other problems claimed him.