I Love You, but I Don't Want to Sleep With You

[Zorro]

Snoring and conflicting schedules are top reasons couples decide to sleep in separate bedrooms. Sex therapists and marriage counselors have their doubts about the arrangement.

Last spring, as Valerie Weisler was preparing to move to New York City to live with her partner, she realized she wanted her own bedroom. She’d been living alone while in graduate school in Ireland, and the idea of sharing a bedroom, even with a partner, filled her with dread. But the alternative filled her with self-doubt.

“Is there something wrong with me for wanting this?” Ms. Weisler, 24, recalled thinking. “You meet someone, you fall in love and you move in together. And moving in together means sharing a room. And that’s just what life looks like.”

Her partner, Ky Dates, 22, who was at the time finishing college in Pennsylvania, had assumed they’d sleep in the same bedroom — isn’t that what couples do? — and felt blindsided by the suggestion that they change course. “I was totally freaked out,” said Mx. Dates, who worried that this could be a sign of a relationship in trouble. “It was a lot of fear responses, for sure.”

After Ms. Weisler explained how she had come to value personal space during her time living abroad, Mx. Dates warmed to the idea. And in September, the couple moved into a four-bedroom apartment in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, sharing it with two roommates. Everyone has their own room.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/10/realestate/couples-separate-bedrooms.html?unlocked_article_code=--dgNBwQIr1Mxmk8qj5cKp2rwztcr-hCSge5SlrPLZLYa4XzOnz1pwpSkw7Aw-sm-HNapKBsiO0PKFivDHCPrPddGWbrdFyt4mq8q98brIKuw45OQrKxgPxQ9UDn7_dSTBDT31n3-vzupShshW3kltiJ8XYotYC2A8ogNhmMrems7tpSf4qlovBcMAWjrZgVD3A3UmmXfoNEeaonDpF_zfOTZBnDT-N05X_BEeB_X8YlO8DyjjckHgTNAwl1DQ57RjxINpH3AYI4uzM8MG8Skza7BeU64uiu1zC7IllQZfBh03J5P19ebYoifOVhXWbJz8a0aXXHFxqess00WQHsW5x0HlUhKw&smid=share-url

[brush]

1. I'd think twice, even three times before agreeing to that....

as it seems someone isn't ready for a full commitment.

And what does Mx. mean? I haven't seen that prefix before.

[Gore1FL]

3. You can sleep together without always sleeping together.

I have sleep problems. Should I decide to ever try the partner thing again, I would hate the relationship fail because my sleep problems kept her awake, too.

[progressoid]

4. Mx. - A Gender-Neutral Honorific

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/mx-gender-neutral-title



Update: This word was added in September 2017.

The gender-neutral Mx. is used as a title for those who do not identify as being of a particular gender, or for people who simply don't want to be identified by gender.

'Mx.' is a gender-neutral honorific for those who don't wish to be identified by gender. Though the earliest print evidence dates to 1977, the word has only recently become popular.

Pronounced to sound like mix or mux, the title Mx. (which, like other honorifics, is styled without the period in British English) is used increasingly on various official forms in the UK, including driver's licenses and banking documents.

Although the earliest print evidence of Mx. is from a 1977 issue of an American magazine called Single Parent, the title has not seen much official or published use in the US. It did, however, appear twice recently in The New York Times: a June 4th article noted Mx. as someone's preferred honorific, and a June 5th article all about Mx. made it clear that the June 4th use was an exception. The title simply isn't familiar enough to the newspaper's readers to be fully adopted.

It's not clear whether or when Mx. will catch on in the US. The timeline for such developments can be long, as the title Ms. taught us not all that long ago. Coined in 1901, the now-commonplace Ms. wasn't fully adopted by The New York Times until 1986. Mx. seems to be moving more rapidly—it was added to Merriam-Webster Unabridged in April 2016.

[Chainfire]

2. What would married life be without someone to snatch the covers off of you?

In my 50 years of married life, there is a related sleeping issue. My wife is a night owl and I am early to bed. So I usually go to bed early with a book, and am dead to the world before she comes to bed. Of course I was almost always available, at any time of then late night or early morning for exercise.

I would feel awfully lonely if she wanted to sleep in another bed.

[shrike3]

5. Been married 25+ years. Happily. Always had separate bedrooms.

He says I'm impossible to sleep with. I imagine he's right.