A psychologist reveals the best ways to avoid getting conned

[applegrove]

A psychologist reveals the best ways to avoid getting conned

by Olga Khazan at the Atlantic, Business Insider

http://www.businessinsider.com/best-ways-to-avoid-getting-conned-2016-1

"SNIP............


Konnikova: Emotional vulnerability is one of the things that unites victims of cons, in the sense that it's not so much a personality trait, as where you are in your life. Because what happens when you're down, when you're vulnerable, there's change going on, and your world no longer makes sense the way that it used to, so you're particularly vulnerable to people who make sense of it for you. You want that meaning. You want that sense of connection and con artists are very happy to supply it for you. One of the things that I found really interesting is that it transfers across domains. So, for instance, if you lose your job, you're not just more vulnerable to finance frauds, you're more vulnerable to romance frauds, you're more vulnerable to every single thing even if it has nothing to do with money, just because you're in an emotionally susceptible position.

Khazan: You talk about how it's hard to spot a fraudster or liar in person, but also that microexpressions might be a clue. Why is it so hard to detect lying, and is there anything you can do to make yourself better at rooting it out?

Konnikova: It's really difficult to do it because it's actually not evolutionarily adaptive. We are better placed if we trust people than if we don't trust anyone. I talk about infants and young children who need to trust that adults are going to take care of them. It makes us feel better when we accept people's little white lies at face value. It would be terrible if I knew that every time you said, "Maria, you look so beautiful today!" you were really thinking, "Oh, she looks tired, she didn't get enough sleep last night."

We haven't really evolved to spot lies. Instead, we like to think that we can tell people are lying because once again, it makes us feel better, it makes us feel like we are good judges of character, it makes us feel like we know what's going on. So we often think that we are much better than we are.


..............SNIP"

[Live and Learn]

1. How about just judging by actions instead of words?

That is why I support Bernie.

[hfojvt]

2. I think people become more socially successful when they lie

the example she gave. I would NOT tell somebody I think they look good today if I thought they looked tired. I would be honest. If I compliment somebody I really DO think they look good today. Even if they may think they feel tired.

But the liars probably make more friends. She seems to accept here that people are gonna lie a lot.

I think that if I lie, it is by omission more than commission. For example, I don't think my co-worker is a very good worker. He stands around and talks a lot instead of working - BUT I don't tell him that when we was "working" together, instead I am just making small talk, trying to tell funny stories or whatever.

I saw this happen very clearly between my college roommate and my dad. My dad said to my roommate (Tom) "I was a geology major in college". Now I KNEW that Tom already knew that, because I had told it to him myself (probably more than once). But he said "Oh, really?!!" and my dad went on chatting. I could predict that if I was in his place, if his dad said "I was a geology major in college" that my reply would have been "I know" and that would have been a conversational stop stick. Tom's dishonesty made for a friendly exchange whereas my honesty would have made things awkward.

Like the guy said on the TV show "riptide" "Geeks always tell the truth, that's part of what makes them geeky."

[Quantess]

4. Interesting.

But since a person can look tired and still look good otherwise... then saying "you look great!" is not necessarily lying.

Telling someone they look tired is walking on thin ice. Tread lightly. I would NEVER say point blank, "you look tired" to ANYONE, unless there was a conversation that led up to it, first. Saying flat-out "you look tired" without much ado is just rude.

If that's lying, then I guess I'm a big fat liar every day of my life!

I kind of want to read this book.

[hfojvt]

6. I didn't say I would say "you look tired"

In that case, I would tell another lie of omission - I would not say anything.

But, IF I thought "he/she looks tired" I would NOT like this person seems to think many other people would, lie to their face and say "you look great today". I would take another path, like "How are things going?" or "Is everything okay?"

And if you want to BUY the book, that reminds me of the post I have seen a couple of times on FB. Where it says "The internet is loaded with scams and scam artists. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them."

[Quantess]

7. No way, I almost never buy books.

Well okay, 2nd hand maybe.

You can still tell a tired looking person that you like their shoes, even if they look like a nervous wreck who hasn't slept for 2 days.

I know that I hate it when people want to get all concerned about me, and all up in my business, at point blank. They shouldn't ask anything like that, unless it rolls into the conversation.

Do unto others: The way I see it, if someone wants to explain why they look so tired, they can start. If not, I mind my own business.

[flamingdem]

3. Microexpressions might be something to study with very high resolution video

I think the con artist thinks that they show no emotion but it's very absence is telling.

[Javaman]

5. even easier and it was taught to me by my Dad

let the other person speak, just listen. when the finally get to the point when they ask for money, close the door, hang up the phone or walk away.

[hunter]

8. They always go away when they find out I have no money.

I do sometimes let them talk because it amuses me to waste their time.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

9. If he says, "I'll call you tomorrow" he's lying.