GOP Allies Claim They Met With Mitch McConnell Inside Body Bag

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Relieved that their colleague appeared to be the very same man they’d known for years, allies of Sen. Mitch McConnell told reporters Friday they had recently met with the seven-term Kentucky Republican inside a body bag.

“Like so many Americans, we had our concerns about Mitch, but when the technician unzipped that vinyl pouch and let me crawl in next to him, I knew there was nothing to worry about,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune, noting that McConnell was quiet and appeared contemplative throughout the visit as leading Republican lawmakers shared the latest news from Capitol Hill.

“No, he wasn’t running his mouth and waving his arms around, but that’s because he’s always been more of a subtle tactician. When they reinserted him into cold storage, I was more confident than ever that he’d help us retain our majority in the Senate. Seeing him motionless for 90 minutes the way we’re used to really lifted our spirits, and I for one was glad to feel so silly about my anxiety.”

Thune added that he couldn’t help but smile when McConnell’s rigid hand shattered as he shook it, just like always.

https://theonion.com/gop-allies-claim-they-met-with-mitch-mcconnell-inside-body-bag/

[kimbutgar]

1. I'm seeing some posts on FB saying he died today

[erronis]

2. Must be one of those FAKE NEWS outlets. Couldn't be Fux or OANN or Bannon's mouth or ....

[kimbutgar]

6. This is from blue sky

Yeah, word-of-mouth, but consistent with the actions of those around him. GOP is waiting till August to escape a by-election, because they see which way the wind is blowing. I just hope the jerks who claim to have had a serious conversation with him get the shame & punishment they merit.
#ProudBlue

— ElizabethC 💙🐸 (@econklin44.bsky.social) 2026-07-12T02:24:19.534Z

[Disaffected]

8. How can you make "close friends and relatives"

sign NDAs?? Or anything else for that matter.

[VGNonly]

3. Rigor tortoise?

[vapor2]

4. Allies met with Mitch for 20 minutes, right?

[SoFlaBro]

5. Can't wait until we hear about that motherfucking PINE BOX! Please sweet Lord, cast the turd down into the fucking FIRE.

[dweller]

7. He's there already

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100221367175




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