Aldi CEO Chased Off From Whole Foods Dumpsters

[mahatmakanejeeves]

Hat tip, the/Aldi sub reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/aldi/comments/1pr6fd2/the_onion_aldi_ceo_chased_off_from_whole_foods/

Aldi CEO Chased Off From Whole Foods Dumpsters



December 18, 2025

NAPERVILLE, IL—Scurrying into the alley as employees chased her with a broom, Aldi CEO Atty McGrath reportedly had to be shooed away Tuesday after she was seen rummaging through the dumpsters behind a local Whole Foods. “We keep finding her rooting around our bins looking for food items she can stock her shelves with,” said assistant manager Ed Ruiz, describing multiple occasions upon which team members had found the discount grocery chain’s top executive peeling the 365 labels off expired cans of beans or scraping mold off a carton of raspberries. “I personally don’t mind if our excess food can be used to feed hungry Aldi shoppers, but it becomes a safety issue when she starts approaching our customers and trying to sell them a bruised cantaloupe she scavenged for 39 cents a pound. Everyone can hear her banging around in the garbage and rattling on about sell-by dates being merely a suggestion. We’re going to have to start locking the bins at night to keep her out.” At press time, the CEOs of Dollar Tree and Dollar General had been spotted behind an Aldi dumpster in Cleveland wrestling over a package of broken clothes hangers.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

1. Lol....that's such a burn on Aldi

[mahatmakanejeeves]

4. I've started my annual deep state cleaning of the kitchen floor.

That's the one where I get down on my hands and knees, pour the cleaner directly on the floor, and hit it with a scourng pad.

I'm taking frequent breaks to polish off a box of seasonal chocolate candy from the Aldi.

[BlueWaveNeverEnd]

12. I bought a scrubber on a stick..saves the knees

[Zackzzzz]

17. Because the sun comes through the windows

at the winter angle, I can see everything.
Like you, I'll be working on the floors and spider webs,
but after the football games.

[SheltieLover]

2. I highly doubt this

[mahatmakanejeeves]

5. The cleaning? NT

[Cheezoholic]

6. Yep, read closer, it's the Onion lol.......

https://theonion.com/aldi-ceo-chased-off-from-whole-foods-dumpsters/

[SheltieLover]

9. Seems like an attempted hit job on Aldi by Whole Foods

Whole Foods has no credibility since they were bought out.

[ZDU]

3. ALDI

Has great produce and products... no need to involve WHOLEpaycheck

[AZJonnie]

7. Is there some tie-in to current events here I'm unaware of?

Something that makes this funny in some way?

Or is The Onion being entirely random and unfunny here (which happens from time to time, admittedly).

[Intractable]

10. I don't think it's related to anything specific in the news, but perhaps general to the notion of increasing food prices

I also did not find it particularly funny. Just lame satire.

I shop at Aldi and do rather well there.

[bucolic_frolic]

8. I read discounts go on sale Wednesday

at 7:15pm. Don't know if it's true, never get there that late.

[canetoad]

11. You forgot to mention

This is from The Onion.

[niyad]

13. It is there in the link at the very top.

[canetoad]

15. Yes, I saw that

Others may not have. Also, the target of the link is obfuscated with text that doesn't mention the Onion. We don't need trickery here.

[niyad]

16. Exactly what trickery, since the posted link at the top clearly shows it is The Onion?

[flvegan]

14. That was comedy gold. Thanks, The Onion.