Spurious News: Denmark declares war on the US over Lego portrait of Trump!

[jmowreader]

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK (Spurious News Network) -- Ever since King Donald Trump, doing business as the president of the United States, tore down half the fucking White House in an Adderall-fueled rage because he found out President Joe Biden had been in there once it's been obvious that this year's Christmas decorations would be a bit subdued. And they are. The People's House is decorated using the cheapest four-foot plastic tree they sell at Hobby Lobby that's covered in ugly, outdated ornaments someone found in their attic, the entire inventory of gold ribbon from the Gaithersburg, Md., Dollar Tree - which, thanks to tariffs, is now two bucks a roll instead of one - and a portrait of our brainless leader made from six thousand Lego blocks.

Today, the Kingdom of Denmark declared war on the United States over that portrait.

According to King Frederik X, hereditary monarch of Denmark, this can't be allowed to stand. "Denmark's two gifts to the world are Danish pastries and Lego. Lego stands for fun and learning, not...this. We can't allow this to stand."

Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen added, "we're not asking for much. All we want is for that atrocity to be taken apart tonight, the blocks donated to a children's charity, and a promise they won't do it again."

If the portrait is not taken apart in accordance with the Danes' demands, they have an attack plan. "There's a traditional Danish dish we call leverpostej. It's liver pate spread on dark rye bread and topped with sauteed mushrooms," said King Frederik X. "Everyone in Denmark loves it, but the rest of the world is united in its hatred for it. We don't mind as that leaves more for us." "If the portrait is not removed," said Prime Minister Frederiksen, "our ambassador to the United States will proceed to the White House with a dozen leverpostej and make Trump eat them."

[Ilsa]

1. Pat on dark rye with mushrooms? Sounds

delish to me, depending on whose liver it is. And I'd like a nice chianti to wash it down.